Driven Mad (Book 1 in the MAD Series)(An Avengers Fan Fiction)

Steve Rogers

The news of Peggy’s death hit Steve like a bombshell. He’d known it all along, but there was also a small shred of hope that she was somehow still alive. But when he’d learned that she died just awhile before he woke up… He was too late. He was too late…

He hated himself for not waking up, but he wasn’t able. He had not been found until after she died. And he hated himself for it.

            He wanted nothing but to escape. Maria had taken the kids away from him a few hours earlier. He wanted them back. Maybe they’d put him back into a good mood. He stared at the ceiling. What was wrong with him? Wasn’t he supposed to some sort of hero? He didn’t have the right to be depressed, did he? He stared up at the ceiling. No. He wasn’t a hero. He was just a kid from Brooklyn. Well, maybe he wasn’t really a kid anymore. But he’d not lived through 70 years of his life. Maybe he was a little bit uptight and maybe he did have a no nonsense sort attitude, but he was still a kid. He was just a kid from Brooklyn…

            He could hear it again. Their last conversation was haunting him through the silence. “All right. A week, next Saturday, at the Stork Club.” He could hear her say. But He had been late. No. He hadn’t been there at all. It was all because of that stupid plane… “Why did I leave you?” he said to himself, directed to Peggy in Heaven. “Forgive me.” He whispered. He heard nothing back. Was she there? Was she listening? They said that they knew that she was his guardian angel. So where was she now? “ANSWER ME!!!” he screamed. Silence remained unbroken in the room.

            He stood up and walked to the other side of his tiny room. He balled his hands into fists and slammed them into the wall. He banged his head into the wall and let his rage seep out slowly. He hated everything in that moment. His head pounded in pain and his muscles screamed in agony. He felt weak. He stumbled back to his bed. A beer bottle stood on his nightstand. He wanted a temporary escape… Didn’t everyone need one every now and then? But Steve couldn’t escape, at least not through getting drunk. Maria had heard about what had happened and brought him that, not knowing that no matter how much he longed to, he couldn’t get drunk, couldn’t escape pain that way. He was a Christian and he wasn’t supposed to anyways, so maybe that was a good thing. In anger, he picked up the bottle and chucked it against the wall.

            Glass spattered across the room. The glass shards lodged into his skin, but they practically bounced off his skin. There were days when he wished he wasn’t Captain America, when he wished he wasn’t a super soldier. He almost wished he could be normal, he almost wished he was able to feel pain. He hated everything on those days. He lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling. He wanted to stay there until he eventually died, but that wasn’t going to happen either. He was practically immortal. His cells regenerated as fast as they died. It was how he stayed alive under the water, under the ice. It was the only way that he was 94 years old and still looked like he was 24.

            He wished only that he could’ve grown old with Peggy. He didn’t want to stay young forever, and he certainly didn’t want to be there. He wanted to be back in the 1940’s. Maybe they were in one of the greatest wars of their lives, and maybe they were always in danger all the time… But he was with Peggy… And he was in his own time.

            He heard a knock on the door. “Go away.” He moaned. The person on the other side knocked again. Steve let out a loud moan, not wanting to talk. “Leave me alone. I don’t want to talk.” Steve moaned, burying his face into the pillow.  Ignoring his plea, Nick Fury opened the door. “Hey Captain.” He said.

            “I said go away.” He said.

            “I can’t. We need you.”