Natasha awoke slowly to the bright rays of sunlight as they streamed through her window. She closed her eyes tightly, not really wanting to wake up yet. But then she remembered that they had work to do. They needed to find the Mad Thinker. They needed to find him and destroy him. But the thought of seeing him again frightened her, and she curled back up under the covers.
She knew that she needed to get up, to help the Avengers, to catch the Mad Thinker before he struck them again. She didn’t want to suffer the madness or insanity or the pain again, and the only way that they could stop it was to kill the Thinker before he got to them. She decided that she needed to get out of bed, despite what her fear told her to do. She couldn’t let that hint of fear hold her back from stopping this lethal enemy that had plagued them once before.
The last eight months had been peaceful for the most part, though it wasn’t as calm or as normal as some of their teammates’ had been. In the beginning, they had to settle a lot of things with S.H.I.E.L.D since they’d quit their jobs to focus on their jobs as Avengers. That hadn’t made Director Fury very happy, not even the slightest. Losing two of his top agents had made him pretty upset, but they’d agreed that if they were ever really needed, they’d come.
After that, Sampson had been trying to help her and Clint with their little… dilemma. They still couldn’t have the kids that they desperately wanted once they got married. They weren’t so sure when they were getting married, but Natasha had deduced a long time ago that he wanted to. But either way, Natasha wasn’t so sure that Sampson’s methods or suggestions were helping at all. No matter what, the results were always negative. Everything added up to her never having children.
Natasha had known for awhile that she’d wanted kids. Ever since she saw how happy Sue and Reid seemed, she knew that she wanted a family of her own. But of course, fate and destiny and all of that had decided to screw everything up. Again. She decided the day she found that she’d never have children that the universe hated her. But she decided that she just needed to forget it and move on.
That was the only way that she’d be able to live. If she didn’t just forgive and forget, there was no way that she’d be able to go on with life. She had to deal with memories that no normal person could handle. She had to deal with grief and pain and this unbearable guilt. This guilt would never go away, and she knew why it was there. It was because she couldn’t ever give Clint the kids that she knew that he desperately wanted. That guilt wasn’t going anywhere until she gave him that much.
Clint had wanted kids for as long as Natasha could remember. She knew that he’d wanted kids ever since he was a kid. She also knew that he wasn’t going to leave her for someone else, like half of her was praying he’d do. She wanted him to live a normal, happy life, to live happily ever after with some girl, to have little archers like him, to have little Avengers. But she couldn’t work up the nerve to get up and leave so that he could move on. She didn’t want to leave him brokenhearted for any amount of time. She just wanted him to do what was best for him and leave.
It would hurt her if he did, of course. It’d be the most debilitating pain in the world for her, obviously. She loved Clint Barton more than the world itself, but she knew that she needed to let him go. She needed for him to have what was best for him. She wanted him to be happy. She wanted him to live the life that he’d dreamed of with three kids, a dog, a normal wife, and a white picket fence. That was all that Clint had ever wanted and that’s what Natasha wanted for him.
Natasha opened her eyes after a bit, feeling her heart hammering inside of her chest. She was still dealing with her anxiety disorders and they tended to get worse and worse the more that she thought about anything. The more that she thought about things like that, the more her heart hammered inside of her chest. It was a curse, but she was learning to deal with it, just like everybody else.
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Driven Mad (Book 1 in the MAD Series)(An Avengers Fan Fiction)
फैनफिक्शन“Yeah, we've heard this all before. There’s one thing that you’re forgetting though. We are the Avengers. Let’s see here… We have two Demigods, a few Super Soldiers, a kick-butt robot man who used to be an Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D before he got stabbed...
