shawn mendes imagines {under editing}

don't leave

shawn mendes imagines
imagine lv
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shawn's pov

the living room was dark as my girlfriend, el, and i, sat on the couch. the house was silent, which was welcoming considering all we had been doing for the last hour was yelling at each other. she was curled against my side, sleeping soundly.

to say i was surprised, was a lie.

lately, el and i had been fighting quite frequently.

and to be quite honest, i was confused as to why she hadn't walked out on me.

i know saying that i come home stressed is no excuse, but that is it. it's like i become a new person. i know what i'm doing, when i'm yelling at her, but somehow i can't stop myself. i've come to the decision that she deserves better than me, someone who treats her how she deserves, but she never leaves.

and when she wakes up, i am going to ask her.

i ran my fingers along her back, feeling her slide closer to my side. her hand clutched the material of my sweatshirt in her sleep, her grip tight. soft breaths slipped past her lips,

you don't deserve her, you're right.

i sighed, continuing to rub the soft skin of her arm until she woke up, pushing herself away from me and into a sitting position. i met her gaze through the darkness, "hey, was your rest okay?" my voice was merely a croak.

"yeah, fine," she mumbled, "uh, i think i'm going to go up to bed." she stood up, not meeting my gaze as she tried to leave.

"wait," i grabbed her arm, standing as well, "don't."

"listen, shawn-"

"no," i stopped her, "i'm sorry. okay? i know i say it every time and every time we fight, i know it's me who starts it. saying i am stressed from work and everything is absolutely no excuse for the things i say, but that's all. i don't hate you, and i don't want to break up. i don't want to lose you, but you deserve so much better than me. why haven't you left yet, el? i have treated you like crap."

at this point, tears were streaming down her cheeks, shiny trails left in their path, "i-i haven't left because i want to be here when the shawn i fell in love with comes back."

her words cracked something inside of me and i sighed shakily, letting her arm go. my eyes quickly pooled with tears and i sat back down on the couch.

"i-i'm sorry," i croaked, putting my head in my hands and tugging on the roots of my hair, "i'm sorry, i am here. i-i have always been right here."

"sometimes it doesn't seem like it," she whispered, causing me to lift my head and look at her.

"i know wh-what i've done is unforgivable, but i don't mean any of it. i've just been s-so stressed and andrew has been pushing me so hard every day, it gets so exhausting. coming home tonight, i had to leave my car at the studio and take a cab here because i just couldn't keep my eyes open," i said quietly, shaking my head.

"you never told me that," she knelt down on the floor in front of me and took my wrists into her hands. i looked up at her and shook my head softly, closing my eyes.

"on top of this, the guilt from yelling at you and starting fights has been killing me. you l-likely think i'm kidding, but it's true. i-i love you and i-"

"shawn, baby, breathe for me," elena said, her warm hands capturing my face.

"i'm sorry," my voice fell to a whisper, and i forced my eyes to look into hers.

"shhh," she mumbled, leaning forwards and pressing her lips to my forehead, "stop apologizing. everything's okay."

"don't leave," i whispered.

she laughed, quickly cutting herself off, "i'm not, i'm not leaving you."

i let out another trembling breath, "i-i'm sorry-"

"shawn, stop," she said firmly, "stop saying that."

"okay," i said, "b-but i am, i am sorry. i'm going to do my best to not start pointless fights. you don't deserve me."

"of course i deserve you, i love you," she said quietly, looking up at me from where she was at on the floor. she stood up and sat beside me, wrapping her small arms around my neck.

i snaked mine around her waist and buried my head against her shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of her perfume.

"this is just a bump in our relationship, you know that right? you know i'm not going to leave," elena whispered against my shoulder, "i could never leave you."

"i love you," i breathed, "so, so much. never doubt my love for you."

"don't worry about that," she assured, "how about we go up to bed?"

"okay," i nodded, lifting my head.

i stumbled to my feet, slurring something that even i couldn't understand. she grabbed my arm and sighed softly, "shawn, it's not good for you to be this tired. you meed to take a break."

i almost tripped over the stair, causing me to groan, "i know, baby. i'll call andrew tomorrow."

"good," she said once we reached the second floor, her foot pushing open the door that was slightly closed.

i sat down on the bed, staying in my sweatpants and peeling off my shirt. i laid down and waited for elena to change into something more comfortable, smiling softly when she slid under the covers next to me.

"i don't like seeing you like this," she whispered, pressing her lips to my shoulder.

"i know," i whispered, "hmm."

"close your eyes, we can talk in the morning," she whispered, "i just want you to sleep." at this point, her words were barely being processed. my eyes fluttered closed and despite that, i reached out for her hand and captured it in mine.

"i love you," i mumbled.

it was a moment before she replied, "i will always love you more."

wc: 1024

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