shawn mendes imagines {under editing}

comparisons {requested}

shawn mendes imagines
imagine xci
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nadya's pov
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requested by: @rosegold_princess

i curled myself underneath my favourite fuzzy blanket, rubbing my tired eyes. reaching for my phone, i turn it on and decide to go on twitter.

shawn was currently working in his office, so i decided to leave him do his thing.

i had opened netflix, but was so tired from being up early this morning that i decided to just sit in the silence.

i scrolled through my feed, nothing really catching my eye until i came to a photo of shawn and his ex girlfriend, lauren. the picture was taken a year and a half ago when they were still dating, but someone must have stalked and found the picture. lauren and i were actually good friends, so the picture wasn't what caused my jaw to drop.

the caption was.

'raise your hand if you think that shawn and laur were a lot cuter than him and nadya!' it read. my eyes grew wide and i kept scrolling, seeing what other people had said about the tweet.

'i dooo!' one person had tweeted, another old photo of shawn and laur attached with a heart drawn around their faces.

'100% ship shawren, always have and always will' another said.

they went on and on.

i shut off my phone and tossed it to the side, curling my knees to my chest and crying.

i knew that it was stupid, and that i shouldn't let it bother me, but it did. i was so insecure about being with shawn for the first few months because of him being so famous and way to good for me, but slowly, the fans started to accept us and i started to think 'maybe i am good enough for him. maybe he actually does love me for me.'

but as the fans kept comparing me to lauren, i realized maybe i wasn't good enough for him.

maybe i wasn't worthy of his love.

i didn't realize how hard i was crying until i heard footsteps coming hurriedly down the stairs. gasping, i wiped away my tears and shook my head softly, thinking that maybe shawn would believe me if i told him a show i was watching made me laugh until i cried.

he appeared in the living room with a worried look on his face, which fell even more upon seeing my state.

he hurried over to where i was on the couch and sat next to me, pulling me close to him. i buried my head against his shoulder, not being able to prevent the body shaking sobs that rippled through me. shawn's hand ran up and down my back, an action he hoped would calm me down.

when it didn't, he pulled me away from his chest and made me face him. i turned my head away in shame, not wanting him to see me like this.

"honey, why are you crying? god, what happened?" shawn asked, almost in tears himself from seeing me upset.

"i-i'm not good enough for you. i'll never be! why do you even love me?" i croaked, trying not to hiccup as i spoke.

"nadya, what are you talking about? i don't understand," shawn whispered, wiping away my tears with the pads of his thumbs, "why are you suddenly talking like this? what did i do?"

"everyone loved you and lauren, but not us! i'm n-not worthy of your love," i whispered, pulling away from him and standing up. i went to run to our room but shawn's hands grabbed my waist and stopped me.

"sweetheart, i need you to calm down, okay? tell me why this is suddenly bothering you," shawn said, "maybe i can make it stop."

he sat me back down, reaching for my hand and rubbing the back of it with his thumb. he sat quietly, waiting for me to begin talking.

"fans on twitter keep comparing me a-and lauren, saying how t-they preferred you guys to us. it took me so l-long to accept myself and actually believe that you love me, so long. now that i have finally told myself i am enough for you, this happens. i'm not famous or anything, we are at opposite ends of the social radar and i just feel b-bad for myself," i said, feeling him squeeze my hand.

"oh nadya, i never knew this was happening," shawn whispered, pulling me against his chest again, "how long have you been feeling like this?"

"for a while, but tonight i just couldn't help but-"

"oh god, sweet girl, i'm so sorry," shawn whispered, resting his chin on my head.

"i just can't help but think that maybe-"

"nadya don't. don't you ever think that i would leave you, or that you aren't worthy of my love. whatever people are trying to convince you of, don't believe them. i'm so damn lucky that i found you, i don't know what i would do without you. the thought of not being with you scares me, honestly. i understand how long it took you to finally be comfortable around me, and now this? it's wrong, and i will be putting out a tweet telling everyone to leave you alone," shawn said firmly, the whole time having a tight grip on my shoulders, "you know i love you, right?"

when i didn't answer him right away, he sunk his teeth into his lip.

"right? god nadya, don't tell me you think that i don't love you!" shawn said, gripping my hands tighter than he was previously.

"i-i do, but sometimes i feel like you loved lauren more then you love me," i whispered, hanging my head.

"jesus," he swore under his breath, putting his head in his hands, "i can't believe that i made you think that. why haven't you told me any of this? that i was making you feel this way?"

"because i was afraid that you would leave," i said, rubbing my sleeve along my cheeks to dry the tears.

shawn said nothing else, except pulling me into a hug. he had his head against my shoulder, his tears dampening the material of my sweater. i cried against his shoulder, and he cried against mine.

everything was clear now.

shawn did love me.

he loved me with every fibre in his body, and my insecurities prevented me from seeing that.

"i-i'm so sorry, i shouldn't have thought that you didn't love me. i-i know you do, now i do. i should have knew all along, but my insecurities had my head spinning. i'm so, so sorry," i whispered.

"no, it's fine. i don't want you to apologize. just know i love you nadya, my life would be hell if you weren't in it. it would be absolute hell," shawn said, immediately leaning in and pressing his lips against mine.

i kissed him back and my heart fluttered.

i loved kissing shawn, as weird as it sounded.

he was soft and gentle, knowing i wasn't ready for anything else yet.

he pulled away and looked at me, resting his forehead against mine.

"i love you so much, nobody else, you," shawn said, leaning in and kissing me again.

wc: 1218

all works by me:
- shawn mendes imagines
- instagram |s.m|