Replacing Them (Camren)

1.

LAUREN 

"Lauren, its not too late to come" 

I looked up from my laptop screen and saw my dad stood by the doorway dressed up in a nice shirt and pants. I looked back to my screen without saying a word. He walked towards me and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Please, it's not as bad as you think it will be." 

I still said nothing. I suddenly felt a kiss on my cheek. He sighed and walk towards the exit and closed the door behind him. 

He was going out with his girlfriend and her family. I had been invited but I did not want to go. I don't want to see them and play happy family's. I'm not that person and I'm definitely not going to be that person. They have been official for 8 months and I have always gotten out of seeing her. Knowing that she has two daughters only makes me want this to end even more. I really don't want to meet them and my Dad knows that so he hasn't ever brought her round and forced me to meet her in that way which I appreciate but I do feel bad sometimes because I know he's happy but I'm not making him fully happy. I cant help it though. 

I don't want to replace them. And meeting them and letting them in will only feel like betrayal and I definitely don't want to betray them. I know it has been 7 years and I should be happy that he's found someone and I am but at the same time I hate that he can be happy. I can't. 

"Bye Lauren" I hear my dad shout from downstairs. 

"Bye" I shout back realising for yet another time I've let him down. 

 I jump up from the bed and look through the window seeing him drive away. I suddenly feel even more guilty. Why can't I just let him be happy? 

A few hours later I hear the front door close and realise my Dad is back. After a few minutes I hear a knock at my door. Soon after the knock he walks through. 

"How was it?" I honestly didn't want to hear about it and he knew that but I felt I needed to ask. 

"It was fun." He walked towards my bed and sat down at the end of it. Oh no, he only sits down if there's something important to talk about. Shit. "Lauren, I have something to ask you, and we wont do anything you don't want" 

"What is it" 

"Well, how would you like it if there were three more people living in this house?" 

"WHAT" I was shocked, I hadn't even met any of them and now they're all of a sudden moving in. Is this a joke? 

"Calm down." He said softly. "They still live with their father and he's not a very good man. He's an alcoholic and he found out about me and her the other day so he's not being very nice about it and I hate the fact that I can't do anything about it to help." He paused to look at my reaction. "She cant afford somewhere big enough for the three of them. If you don't want to we wont do anything, you're my first priority" 

Why does he always say the right things. Why does he have to be so kind. Now I'll feel even worse if I say no. I can't say yes though. That would mean we would be replacing them and I can't live with that. But I don't want to upset Dad. 

"Can I think about it?" 

"Of course" He leans over to give me to yet again place another peck on the cheek. He gets up to leave but stops near the door. "We wont be replacing them kiddo" 

I closed my eyes and began myself getting upset at the fact he knew exactly what I was thinking and it made me even more upset that he was probably having the same thoughts as me. I opened my eyes at the sound of my door closing shut. He was gone. 

________________________

I woke up the next morning thinking about what my Dad asked me yesterday. How would you like three more people living here? Er no. But can I say no? I can't crush my Dad like that. I can't have him worry about the woman he loves. Does he even love her? I wouldn't know because I never ask questions, nothing relating to her and her family anyway. I think he loves her though. I can tell by the way he talks about her and the way he seems so much happier after he's been with her. I love and hate that at the same time. 

Just like I'd love to say yes and make him happy, but I'd hate to have three strangers living in my house. Our house. Why is this such a hard decision to make. I'm only 17, I shouldn't be making decisions like this at this age. 

I loved over to the wall to a picture of me and my Dad smiling at each other when I was around 12. It was my birthday and I was upset. He was trying to get me to smile all day and I finally did. I still can't remember what he did that made me smile so wide but it must have been good because I don't remember a birthday after that that I smiled that wide again. I knew in that moment my decision. 

I grabbed my phone from the kitchen counter and began to write a message before I changed my mind. 

Yes. They can move in on two conditions. 

1. No one shares a room with me. 

2. No photos of them get to go up around the house. Ever. 

I sent the text before I thought about it properly and waited for my world to change around me. 

If I could make him happy like he seems in that picture, I would. The sad thing is that even though we are both smiling in the picture, we were both so unhappy. You could see it. You could see the smiles but you could also see the sadness in our eyes. I don't think that will ever go, well not for me. I know shes making it better for him and I hate her for that. I know I should find that comforting or something but I really don't. 

My whole world as I've known it for 7 years is going to change again. Hopefully this change wont be as devastating as the last. 

Dad: Of course baby. Thank you! :)

I read the message and instantly regretted my decision. They would be moving in now. I couldn't take it back. He was going to be happy. I could feel my heart sinking and I knew I fucked up big time. 

Please forgive me.