Replacing Them (Camren)

44.

CAMILA

This has been nice.

Chilling with everyone at Normani's.  Especially with Lauren. It feels so different to before. Like when they were talking about her going on that date I didnt feel jealous. I feel so happy and feeled with feelings that I'm scared it's too good to be true. I feel like something bad is going to happen to tear it all apart. I dont want this feeling to stop.

We're all currently in Normani's room and I'm on the floor with Ally and Dinah whilst Lauren is in the bed with Normani. I was a bit annoyed because I wanted Lauren next to me but we cant always be next to each other.

Lauren did look at me apologetically though, which I found cute. She is cute isnt she. And beautiful. God those eyes. I could dream about those eyes forever.

It's only 11 so none of us are sleeping. We're all laying down chatting and talking about our christmas plans.

It makes me think of my Dad. I've never not done a christmas with my Dad and I feel like maybe this year might be the first. Christmas wasnt always good at my house but there were moments during the day that I would catch myself smiling and feel like I'd want to keep that memory with me forever. Sometimes it was making food with my mother. Sometimes it was watching Sofia opening her presents and sometimes it would be watching my Dad smile at me across the table as we all ate.

Those memories are locked it my head and this year it'll be something completely different.

"My family wanna go away this year, I hope that we do" Ally says

I turn over to her "that would be so cool, I've never been away for Christmas"

"What do you normally do?" Lauren asks

My heart jumps. It's rare for us to speak directly to each other in front of the girls so it makes me kind of nervous.

I look up to the bed and shes leaning against the headboard sitting up

"Nothing to be honest. The usual boring things you know. Wake up, open presents, make food, eat food, watch movies." Of course I'm missing out a lot of the facts like me having to hide the alcohol from my Dad so he doesnt get too drunk or keeping Sofia away from him until dinner because he'd be agitated at not having any alcohol, or me rushing around in the kitchen because sometimes my mother just couldnt help. She had a lot going on.

Lauren nods and I think she knows I'm not telling her everything but she doesnt push. "What about you?" I ask her back.

I never ask her personal questions but maybe this time she'll answer because she asked me first? There's me hoping.

The girls all look at her at this point and I know that maybe I shouldn't have asked her that. Shit.

Lauren sighs "probably same as you to be honest. Nothing special"

I look into her eyes as she looks around and I can tell that she's not telling the full truth and her eyes. They've changed back to being sad.

I see Normani reach for her hand and I look away as if I didnt see that.

"We definitely need to do something just us lot though!" Dinah says.

We all nod and hum in agreement.

_____________

We get back from the sleepover and all i want to do is go to Lauren's room and cuddle. I spent all yesterday with her but it wasnt enough. I want to be alone with her. I want to know all of her. Inside and out. I wish I could.

"How was the sleepover?" Sofia jumps onto my bed.

"It was good, what did you do whilst I was gone?"