Replacing Them (Camren)

26.

CAMILA

Lauren has been on my mind for fucking ages. I try to think about something else but my mind always finds itself back to the green eyed girl and I fucking hate that shes on my mind all the time when I probably haven't even crossed hers. Why is she consuming me? 

Fuck she said she liked me. She said I was doing something to her. CAMILA she's basically your sister, well kind of. OH MY GOD. What am I doing? We are bad people. We are horrible people. Why are we doing this? 

Her smile is nice. Even though I hardly see it. Oh my God. This is basically how my day has been. Me thinking about Lauren and regretting it and having a inner conflict with myself. I'm fucked. 

"How was your day baby?" 

I look up from the TV that I was definitely noy paying attention to and give my attention to my mother. 

I start to nod "It was okay" 

She pursed her lips "I'm glad" 

She wants to tell me something, that's why she's pursing her lips and every time she does that she would tell me bad news about my Dad. Great. 

"What about you, how was your day?" I know I couldn't exactly tell her to tell me, if I did that then I would give away how I know when she wants to tell me something. 

She takes a seat next to me "It was good, well until your Dad messaged me again" 

I raised my eyebrows at her urging her to continue. 

"He says he's sober." She half breathes, half laughs. 

Should I tell her that he messaged me and I already know that he's going to AA meetings trying to stay sober? Or should I wait until she says more? 

"He says he wants to make everything alright" 

"Between you two?" I ask suddenly realising what she was talking about. 

She nods and squints her eyes shut. 

"Mum, I'll tell him to leave you alone." 

"No, don't get involved in this" She shakes her head. "He knows I'm with Michael and he knows I wasn't happy with him. He knows all of this. He was just too drunk to acknowledge any of that." She sighs, "Now he's sober or trying to be. I don't even know if that's true, but if he is then he has to learn all of this again" 

I nod in understanding. Why does he have to mess with her head? 

"He also said that he contacted you?" 

I looked up to see her reaction and it wasn't bad. It was more confused. 

I nod. "He called me when we were at camping and asked to see me. He sounded sober and I said I would as long as he stayed sober for two weeks" 

"Wow" she genuinely looked surprised "He's been sober that long?" 

I nod in reply "He seemed really different, but I don't want to get my hopes up" 

She reached out to squeeze my leg. "Tell me if you go and see him okay?" 

"Okay" 

___________________________

LAUREN

Taylor and Chris. Mum. I miss you. I miss you more than I could ever describe. I miss you so much I can't even feel it anymore. Do you know what I mean? 

I feel so guilty. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let them move in. I should've said no. And now Camila. I don#t even know what I'm doing with her. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Please don't hate me. I don't want to replace you guys. I'm NOT replacing you guys. Please don't hate me. Please. 

I don't know what's happening to me. I like her. She makes me feel something. She makes me feel alive. I didn't want her to make me feel like this but I can't stop that she does. I already tried to do that. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry. 

I'm sorry.

I miss you. 

Come back. 

I'm sorry. 

"Lauren are you okay?" 

Why is she talking to me? She never talks to me, she gives me space and I hate to admit it but I was grateful for that. 

"Yes" I reply to Sinu. 

She nods her head and leaves me in the kitchen. I should feel bad but I don't and I don't care. If that makes me a terrible person than that's what I am. 

"Hi" I turn my head toward the fridge and its Camila. 

My cheeks instantly rise into a smile. "Hi" I reply idiotically. 

She smiles back at me and we just stare at each other for a while until she looks away blushing slightly. 

My smile widens even more and I look down at the kitchen counter. "Erm, well I'm gonna go now" she awkwardly turns to leave. 

I want to stop her. I want to hug her but we both know I cant so I let her walk away. Why does she affect me so much? 

I take my phone out of my pocket as I feel it vibrate. My heart instantly speeds up hoping its from Camila. I look at my phone disappointed.

Normani: Come round please, I need your help! 

Lauren: Okay, will be there soon

Normani: Thank youuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

I jump off the kitchen stool and head upstairs to get my bag. I enter my room and grab my bag as quickly as possible. 

"Where are you going?" Camila asks from her room. 

"Normani's house, she needs  help with something" I inform her

"Oh" she looks slightly disappointed. 

I frown and suddenly feel guilty. Why do I feel guilty what the fuck? 

"Well, I'll see you later?" 

"Of course you will, we live opposite each other" I reply. 

She lets out a laugh and I cant help but smile at her in awe. "You're right there" 

"Bye" I say

"Goodbye Lauren" 

I smile one last time and head for the stairs. Is it bad that I wanna ditch Normani and turn back? Yes. Stop it. 

Camila is great though. Fuck me shes amazing and I hate myself for admitting that but I cant help it. Can I?