Replacing Them (Camren)

30.

LAUREN

"Are you jealous of Shawn?"

I rolled my eyes. She didn't ask that much of a bad question and apart of me thinks she didn't ask one on purpose. I hate that because now I like her just a little bit more. Fuck.

She's asked me questions I really couldn't answer. Why did I agree to play this game? I've already pinky promised so its not like I can back out. I have to play it properly as well. Fuck.

I already hate this game and we haven't even really started. 

"You still get to ask me one more question" she informed me

I nodded. What shall I ask her? If I'm honest most of the questions I want to ask are about her and me. Can I ask another one? 

"Erm" I pause. I really have no clue what to ask. "Do you wish our parents never met?"

I don't even know why I asked that. Its not like I ever thought about it. I mean sure whatever this is wouldn't be as bad but we probably wouldn't have ever met so why the hell did I waste my question. 

"Okay" She started, "Do you know which questions you're going to answer?" 

I nodded. I knew. I couldn't answer why I distanced myself from the girls because playing this game properly means I have to tell her about everything. About my family, meaning i'm 100% NOT answering why I'm sad. I think she knows that I wont answer that one anyway. "Do you know which ones you're going to answer?" 

"Uh huh" she looked up at me for a brief moment.

"Okaaay, so how does this part work, who goes first? Is it one person answers all questions or turn by turn?" 

She shrugged. "I literally just made this game up Lauren" 

"Oh, well turn by turn would be better I think" 

"Yeah, okay"

"Rock, paper scissors?" I asked smiling somewhat

She returned my smile and got her hand ready. I copied her actions.

She won. I have to answer first. GREAT!

I took a deep breath "I want to work in health, so a doctor or something like that. I haven't really researched as much as I should have to be honest. Some things came up and kind of stopped me in my track if you get me. But yeah I would love to help people, save people even. Like what better job is there knowing you've saved someone and basically gave them an extra chance at life?" I looked up at Camila and she was staring at me intently. Fuck my heart. "Anyway" I deflect my eyes from hers "I have all the qualifications I need and I did get accepted to Havard medical school but like I said, things happened so I guess I can go next year" 

I didn't really know if I would go next year. If I'm honest I can't really be honest with anything anymore, I think my Dad knows this and I hate that he's worrying about me even more.

"Was that okay?" I referred to my response looking at her intense eyes yet again. 

She nodded slowly her eyes never leaving mine. It was making me nervous. 

"Great, your turn to answer then" 

She diverted her eyed from mine "Right, erm" she paused "I do like Shawn" 

My stomach dropped and I felt sick all of a sudden. 

"But not like that, he's such a nice guy, but as a friend. It made me feel really uncomfortable when he asked me out because I didn't want to hurt his feelings you know?" She looked at me and I nodded understandingly as my heart rate returned to its normal speed. 

"Yeah so he said he doesn't want things to be awkward and we'll just be friends from now on" 

I nodded showing her I was happy with her answer. I remembered the next question I had to answer and my face instantly goes a shade darker. Why do I have to go first? For fuck sake. 

I clear my throat, "I haven't done anything like that" I made sure to keep my eyes firmly on the sheets. "Not before you know, and I've never been" I cleared my throat again, slightly nervous "that close to anyone before that" 

I stopped talking. I didn't know what else to say. Was that enough? Please let it be enough. She has to answer too. 

"I haven't done anything like that either. I've kissed guys and it could have gone further but it never did" I kept my eyes in the same position listening to her answer. "It never felt right, I don't know like I just never wanted to" her voice grew more quiet. 

My heart sped up. Did that mean she wanted to do it with me? What the fuck. 

After a few moments silence I looked up to see her eyes down on the sheets also. She looks so fucking cute. I could grab her and kiss her. Wait what?

"So my last question," I started as her gaze met mine. I darted my eyes away "I am jealous of Shawn. I thought that maybe you liked him and well its obvious he likes you and even now that you've told me you don't like him like that I would still be jealous if I saw you guys together because you could easily change your mind and I hate that" I met her gaze and she was smirking. 

I instantly felt embarrassed so I grabbed a pillow and covered my face. Why the fuck do I feel this way?

"Stop" she grabbed the pillow from me and hugged it in front of her. She was smiling at me. Really smiling at me and I honestly didn't know why. 

"You have one more question to answer" I stopped the moment we were having. 

She put her bottom lip between her teeth "I don't wish our parents never met. If our parents never met then my Mum would still be with my Dad and he wouldn't be trying to sober up and Sof wouldn't be happy."

I nodded. 

She looked at me and carried on "Even though there are reasons that I do wish they didn't meet, it would be selfish and the reason wouldn't even be a reason if they never met. You know?" 

I understood exactly what she was saying. She was talking about us. 

"I know"

"So no, I don't wish that. I wouldn't have met the girls and my mum and sister wouldn't be happy and I wouldn't have met you" 

I met her eyes and she was staring intently at me. Shit. This feeling isn't going to go away anytime soon is it? 

It felt like hours, hours staring into her beautiful eyes feeling these great emotions. 

I couldn't tell you what happened next.