Replacing Them (Camren)

27.

Camila: 

She's been at Normani's house for so long, why cant she come home already? I don't even know what we're doing or what we are but I know that I like her, I like her a lot and I don't quite know how to deal with that. 

I grab my phone and begin typing a text to her, 

Camila: When are you coming home? :(

Shit, I shouldn't have sent that, why did I send that? Now I feel stupid, what if she thinks I'm stupid. She'll think I'm obsessed with her or something. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why did I send that? 

My phone buzzed and I quickly opened the message. My heart beating faster than usual. 

Lauren: Why?

Why? Why the hell does she think? She fucking knows why. If she wants to play that game fine.

Camila: Bored. 

One word. She sent one word and so will I. Why does she have to be like this? She can change so quickly its scary. 

Lauren: Watch a movie then. 

Why was she being like this? I don't get what happened between when she left and now. What did I do? I'm so confused.

Camila: Okay. 

Great. Texting her was a complete fail and I feel fucking shit. Thanks Lauren. Fucking bitch. 

Shawn: Hey Mila, sorry if I made you uncomfortable the other day, I hope we can still be friends? 

I rolled my eyes at the message. I thought it would be from Lauren, I guess she's turned into a bitch again. 

Camila: It's fine, sure we can be friends :) 

Shawn: Great, I'll see you in school x

I didn't reply. 

_____________

"Hi" 

I looked up from my phone to see Lauren standing outside her room smirking. 

I look at her "Hi" 

"Are you still bored?" 

Why is she acting normal now? 

"No, Shawn's been keeping me company" I don't know why I said that but I was pissed off with her. I mean she can't just act like everything's okay when its not. She can't just play games like that and choose when she wants to talk. 

"Oh" She looked disappointed. She turned around and went in her room. 

I sighed and followed her. I shut the door behind me and stood against it.

"I'm sorry" I said

She shrugged as if I did nothing wrong. "For what?" 

"For saying that, I don't know why I said that" 

She shrugged again. "Why wouldn't you say that?" 

"Lauren just shut up and stop" I walked closer to her until I was standing right in front of her.

"Or what?" 

"Or I'll" I couldn't think of anything I would do. I looked at her and she had her eyes locked on mine "I'll.. kiss you" 

"Why would you do that?" She half whispered half spoke keeping her eyes locked to mine. 

I grabbed her face gently and locked my lips with hers. I did warn her. If she didn't shut up I would kiss her. I felt her smile into the kiss and that gave me a bit more confidence. I parted from her. "I did warn you" 

She nodded "I guess I should've shut up" 

I rolled my eyes "Why are you like this?" I slumped down next to her on the bed.

"Like what?" 

"Annoying?" 

"I'm not annoying" she faked a look of hurt

"You are" I took her hand and started to play with it "Why do you act so different sometimes?" 

I had my eyes on my hands playing with hers but I could see her shrug. 

"I don't know, there's a lot you don't know about me and I don't think I can ever let you in" 

I looked up at her "Why not?" 

"Because I don't want to" Truth does hurt. 

I let go of her hand and nodded. "Maybe we should just stop this" I didn't want to stop, I wanted her to tell me that we were going to carry on whether I liked it or not, I wanted some passion.

"Maybe" she replied. 

I shut my eyes and let my heart feel the pain. "Okay then" 

I stood up and let myself out of her room. Everything was fucking fine, why is she so difficult and so confusing. FUCK SAKE. 

But the maybe just maybe stopping was what was right? Surely us carrying on doing whatever we're doing will cause things to be even more difficult and weird. Our parents are together after all. We do live together after all. Maybe we should stop. 

Maybe I should forget about her? 

Distance myself. 

Stop these feelings and not care. The least I can do is try. Why did I have to even like her? Why couldn't we just move her without any drama? Have a sister instead of whatever this is. Ugh. 

She is beautiful though. Her fucking eyes. Fuck they have a spell on me. STOP IT CAMILA. 

I can do this. Forget about her. Be happy. Distance myself.

I. Can. Do. It. 

I jumped on my bed and stuck my headphones in hoping forgetting about her would happen in the next few seconds. 

She looked so sad though. She always looks so fucking sad. Lauren what are you doing to me? Why are you treating me like this? Why can't you just let me in?

Should I go back in there and demand an explanation? NO! I need to keep my distance and fucking forget about her. Fucking hell, it hasn't even been 5 minutes and I already want to go and see her. What is wrong with me?