Replacing Them (Camren)

14.

CAMILA

"Wake up" I felt Lauren shake me. "Wake up" 

I opened my eyes and sat up. 

"You need to leave" She looked at me. 

I looked back at her and she had no expression. Nothing. After what she had just did to me hours ago she was kicking me out? I had never done anything like that before and the reality of her using me hit me. She was upset and she used me to get over that. Fucking hell, I fell for it. The first time I do anything like that and it's because I was being used. 

I didn't say a word. I did what she said and I left. 

Everything after that went back to normal. Normal being us not talking, me avoiding her. This time though I felt a pain in my chest every time I walked past her room. She just fucked me and kicked me out. My first fucking time. I hated her. I fucking hated her guts. She seemed so loving and gentle but it was all a fucking lie. 

"Lauren" Michael knocked on her door. "Are you ready?" 

Lauren came out of the door with puffy eyes. She had been crying again. Her head was down as she left. She looked sad and I almost felt guilty for hating her as much as I did. 

Where were they going? Why was Lauren crying so much recently? Why do I care? There were all these questions I wanted the answers to. 

LAUREN

I got into the car next to my Dad and he grabbed my hand. I let a tear roll down my face. He squeezed it reassuringly and wiped my tear. "Ready?" 

I nodded as he started driving toward the cemetery.  

We got out of the car and I couldn't control my tears as we got to our destination. My Dad put his arm around me as I cried. After a while I wiped at my tears and looked at the headstone. 

Taylor Jauregui 

5th January 2006- 2nd November 2012

Loving Daughter, Sister and Friend

I walked closer to it and stroked the top. 

I looked to the right of my sisters headstone and nearly broke down again when I saw my brothers and Mums next to hers. I've seen them so many times before but coming back every time still makes me incredibly sad to realise they are no longer here. All of them just gone. 

I heard my Dad choke out and I looked behind me. He was crying. He wiped at his tears and half smiled at me. "I'll give you some time alone, I'll wait in the car" 

I nodded. He needed to be by himself right now. 

I sat down on the grass. "Hey guys" I started letting tears fall down my face. "I miss you guys so much, there's new people living in our house now" I breathed out trying to control myself. "Dad found someone, she has two daughters. Don't worry though Mum, he will never love her like he loves you. I won't replace you guys, I promise. Just, come back to us okay?" I sobbed. "Please, I need you guys" 

I wiped at my tears as someone walked past. 

"There's so many things going on with me and I don't know what to do. Mum, I need you." I said as I thought about everything that was happening with Camila. "Dad's girlfriend. She has two daughters and well.." I stopped myself. "I don't know really, I kind of have feelings for Camila I guess. We've kissed and the other night we did more than that and I don't know what to do. She's a girl and she's Dad's girlfriend's daughter." I paused to catch my breath. "Why is everything so complicated? Why is everything so unfair?"  

"Sofia is the other daughter, she's the same age as you Tay. Well the age you were. That makes it difficult to live with her. I don't want to replace you." I thought about my new life and wished I could get my family back. "I made her cry the other day. She came in my room and asked me if I wanted to play with her and I just lost it, I told her to leave me alone. I shouted at her and made her cry. It wasn't my fault though was it? She shouldn't have come into my room." 

"I'm sorry I don't visit as much anymore. To be honest I stay in my room most of the time, Dad thinks I have depression. I don't want him to worry though. That's why I've been trying to get out a bit more. Speaking of Dad, you'll probably want to talk with him hey? I'll go and get him in a bit." 

I stayed a while longer and then headed for the car. "You okay?" Dad asked me. 

I nodded even though I wasn't. 

"I'll be back soon" he left the car and stood in front of my dead family. 

I grabbed my phone from the back and unlocked it. 

Normani: I'm here for you Laur xx

I ignored her. I really didn't feel like messaging back, I know she was looking out for but I didn't asked to be looked out for. 

My mind drifted to Camila. Fuck. What did we do the other night? I don't even know how it happened it just did. She made me forget, she made me forget for those few hours and I never thought anyone could do that. My stomach flipped over when I thought about her moaning my name. I had never been so intimate with someone before but it felt so right, I didn't even need to think about what I was doing. 

I had to kick her out though, she couldn't be there when I woke up in the morning. She couldn't be there full stop. She's my Dad's girlfriends fucking daughter. I have to keep my distance and forget about anything that happened.