The New Girl | ToBeOne/2B1 [NOT EDITED]

Chapter 41: Don't Mean It

(A/N btw now i only update when i have time cos now i have a lot of homework and my family is struggling cos my grandparents went to go on vacation and now we're trying to work everything out so yeah.)

***Madison's POV***

She truly is breathtaking. The dark locks she had were now a pale blonde that cascaded down her shoulders. She had her arms around herself for warmth. Her pale pink lips lightly chapped, her make-up neatly done. She look so different then how she did months ago. The girl I saw months ago had dark brown hair with crazy dyed highlights, dark colored clothes, a mischevious smirk, and the biggest thing was months ago she wasn't afraid of showing her emotion. But that girl is gone, all because of words I had said to her.

What happened to me? Was I really blinded by with Kylie and her friends had to offer? Or was I blinded and I needed something fill up the hole in my chest that was left? I finally know what the hole is, it's the hole of when I lost Perrie to another guy. Someone who give her the love she deserves. 

I remember what happen in the afternoon when it was me and Mikey, just the two of us practicing for the next basketball game. And in the other court, feets away from us was of course Spencer and Dylan, with Perrie sitting on the bench doing her homework or writing a song.

"You alright Mad?"Mikey panted before taking a swig of his water bottle.

I gulped and sat on the bench next to him,"not really."

"Is it Perrie and Spencer?"

I chuckled bitterly,"I can't believe I'm admitting this, but yeah. I miss her."

"I thought you said that you didn't need her, that Kylie was 'the one'."

"Yeah. But not anymore. You know what sucks? It's like everytime I see her talk to him, I have to pretend like I don't care. Like I moved on when I broke up with her. I tell myself that I hate her, but I really love her. And everytime I see her, it's like my heart feels whole again. But a sad kind of whole as long as I look at her because I can see her in my arms, where she belongs. And when she glances at my direction beore walking it breaks me. And with very step she takes my heart slowly becomes less of a whole. And I wonder how someone who makes me so happy, but makes me so sad makes me feel this way."

Mikey looked at me with sympathy in his eyes as he patted on my back as I felt tears form in the back of my eyes,"maybe because you try your best to push her away in your life when the reality is that you really love her. You believe that pushing her away will make you feel better, that you didn't really love her, that she was a phase. But you didn't realize that until now."

I looked at him,"what happen to us? Has L.A. changed us?"

He shook his head and looked down at the cement floor,"no. L.A. hasn't changed us. High school changed us, we changed. The girls didn't change, they grew up while we're still acting like little kids. And what happen with us, well, love happened." 

"Madison, are you alright?"Perrie questioned, making me go back to reality.

"Uh yeah,"I replied.

I took her to Yogurtland, the place where she said yes to me. As we got out yogurt we sat outside. The lights of L.A. were bright, cars still in th streets even in this late hour.

"Hey, um, can I ask you a question?"

She looked at me and a smile formed on her pale lips,"of course Mad."

"Do you ever regret doing something?"

"No. Sometimes I feel like spitting out my entire life story to anyone would'd listen. I sometimes wonder what my life looks like through someone else's eyes. But if you look in my eyes, it's where my demons hide. How do you see my life?"she asked.

"How do I see your life?"I repeated to myself."Difficult. You moved a lot because your parents' job. Being the new foreign girl in an American high school is one. People judged you, but you didn't care. You had to deal with Savannah leaving, me being the biggest idiot on the planet, and suffer loneliness with Jade and had no one but the choir. But now, you're so happy. You have amazing friends, you have your old band mates back for awhile after months of not seeing them, your nominated for Queen at the dance, you're still with the choir even if people judged you because of it, and you have, you have Spencer,"I stuttered the last part. It pained me that she was now someone else's.

"Yeah but who knows. Maybe my happy ending doesn't include a guy, maybe it's me, on my own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing myself for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is moving on."

I realized the words she said and knew what they meant. She meant that maybe her happy ending meant moving on from the mistakes I made. Maybe she's forgiving me.

"Perrie, does that mean..?"

She grinned at me showing off her pearly whites,"yes, I forgive you you dimwit. Sometimes behind the smile there is a story no one would understand, but you do."

"I knoq you're tired, I know you're physically and emotionally drained. But you have to kep going. You're one of the nicest person ever, karma will pay you one day. I know it."

Her lips curved into one of hr beautiful smile that still made me melt this day on,"thank you. No one has this much fate in me."

"Because I know you'll be fine. You're always successful Rie,"I mumbled as I slowly ate my yogurt.

"And I know you'll always be successful as well. Hey the To Be Oners are still here,  just, go back to the old Madison everyone loves. Not this new one. Don't hide your smile, show it off. I feel like now, you're either scowling, faking a smile, and hiding your true smile that everyone needs to say. And I don't mean your Instagram smile."

I laughed at her last sentence and so does she. She's right. I either scowl at people or fake a smile. I don't mean it.  She's right. But I need to make things right. Starting with her.

Update! Now I only updates whenever I have time cos a lot of homework. Anyway it's FRIDAY YIPPEEE and i dyed my hair orange! Well part of it :)

Much Love Guys.

~IaMmE_Chick

xx