Jumbled Heartaches* WWE Fanfic

Part 46

Nikki's point of view;

"Are you sure you're going to be okay?" Brie asks for the millionth time. "I'll be fine." I mumble staring at the wall.

"Nikki. I'm really worried. Maybe I should stay with you. Or call mom or-" I cut her off before she starts blabbing about the same thing again.

"I'm fine. I'll be fine. Go on tour. Have fun." I say. "Are you sure?" She asks yet again. "Brie. I'm sure. If I need anything I'll call mom or something."

"Okay." She says unsure. She grabs her suitcase and gives me a kiss. "I love you." She whispers. I love you too."

She walks away and seconds later I hear the door shut in the distance. I lay in bed as my chest tightens.

I'm alone but I don't want to be alone. It's complicated. I'm just feeling so empty and numb. It's not a nice feeling.

My neck starts feeling super sore and I wince as I try to touch it. I have to wear a neck brace for months. Not days but months.

I take out my phone and glance at the text messages. Seth has texted and called for days and I haven't replied at all.

He hasn't texted since two days ago. He probably gave up. That's probably the best thing. He deserves better.

"Nikki. I know I said I'd leave you alone but I can't. Please talk to me."

"I need to hear your voice. Please answer my calls."

"I need you... please answer."

"I promise I won't be so annoying anymore I just really want to talk to you please."

"Nikki... answer my calls. I'm worried."

"I miss you so much. You have no idea. Please let me talk to you. Please."

"Nikki?"

"I'm sorry I'm being annoying. I know I've texted and called like crazy. I'm sorry."

"I love you."

"I miss you."

"Please don't do this to me. Please."

The screen gets too blurry to see because of my tears. I put the phone down as a horrible sob escapes my mouth.

I miss him.

So much. But I just can't do it. I'm so scared of feeling this. I just want to be alone. I want to just cry and cry until I don't feel anymore.

Everything is not turning out how I expected it. I'm not wrestling because of my neck injury. I'm not thin and perfect how I want to be. It's just not fair. It's not fair. I've worked so hard and I see no results.

Plus I can't have Seth close to me because I'd only mess it all up. He will eventually get tired of me. I know he will.

One day he's going to look at me with disgust. He's going to wish I had a better body. Bigger breasts, bigger behind, flatter stomach. He's going to wish I was less irritating and more mature.

That's why I'd rather keep my distance. I don't think I can take any more pain. I'm used to it but it still hurts. I don't want him to hurt me. Or I don't want hurt him even more than I already have.

My phone rings and I grab it quickly. I'm secretly hoping that it's Seth but it's not. "Hello?" I answer as I wipe my tears.

"Hey beautiful! How're you doing?" Paige says. Even through the phone her thick British accent tickles my ear. "Hi Paige. It's nice to hear you."

"Same. I miss you! We all miss you here." Paige says. "I miss you guys too." I say as I sit up. "How's your neck?"

"Good. Better, I suppose. I'm very, very, sore though." I say as I feel pain around my neck. "Well it will get better soon."

"I hope so. I look even more awful with this stupid neck brace." I say as I look at my reflection on the tv.

"Awful? You don't look awful. You never do." She says. "Okay whatever, Paige. You and I both know how ugly I am."

"Ugly? Nicole you're tripping. You're drop dead gorgeous. I wish I looked like you!" She says. "You really don't wanna look like me." I say with a sigh.

"Oh Nikki." She says. "It's the truth." I reply rolling my eyes. "No. It's not. Hey um have you talked to John?"

"No. Not since my birthday why?" John went to visit me at the hospital but I faked being asleep. I really don't want to talk to him. I feel bad because even though he still likes me I'm not sure of those feelings anymore.

"He's been asking about you a lot over here." She says, "Like he constantly asks me how you are and he tells me he's tried to contact you but you won't answer."

"I just really don't want to talk to no one." I mumble biting my lip. "What about me?" She says in an offended tone. "I don't mind talking to you. I just... I don't know."

"I understand. But you should surround yourself with your family. For example Seth." When he mentions Seth my heart drops to my stomach.

"Why Seth?" I whisper. "Because he's also recovering from an injury. You two could keep each other company."

"I guess." I say not knowing what else to respond. I  hear someone call her name and seconds later she talks to me again. "Hey, I have to go. I will see when I can visit you okay? Take care! I love you. And text me."

"Bye. Love you too." I say and then I hear her hang up. I put my phone down and lay back down.

I'm starting at my walls and the memories are hitting me again. Why is it so hard for me to let go? Why can't I just move on and forget Seth?

Why? Why is it so hard? Maybe it's because he actually made me feel happy without even trying. His dumb comments and his stupid jokes.

Even though they were never funny he still managed to put a smile in my face. That's something I miss.

I do miss him.

I miss everything about him.