Jumbled Heartaches* WWE Fanfic

Part 50

Nikki's point of view;

The sweat is dripping off my forehead. I'm starting to feel really nauseous and it feels like I can't breathe right.

My throat starts burning and I have to stop because I start feeling extremely dizzy. I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath.

You can't stop now Nikki. Get up. Keep running. You have to lose the fat. Get up. Get up.

When I get up I can't stop the vomit. I run to the closest trash can and vomit. Nothing but clear stuff comes out.

The burning on my throat and nose is unbelievable. When I'm done vomiting I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Are you okay?" Dean asks. I jump startled and nod my head, "Yeah. I'm fine." I say walking away from the trash can.

"I heard you vomit." He says. I take a seat on the floor once again because I feel like I'm going to fall over any minute.

"I'm fine." I whisper. "Do you want some water? Here. Have this too." He hands me a bottle of water and a granola bar.

"I'll take the water." I say grabbing the bottle. He sits beside me and watches me drink it. "You look very pale. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I was just running on the treadmill and I must've run too much." I mumble putting the water down. "It's not good to over do it."

"I know." I say. "Hey Nikki. Can I ask something?" He says. "Sure." I reply as I look at my lap. "I know it's none of my business but I want to know why're you not talking to Seth. He's very upset."

Of course he had to ask about Seth. "He will be fine. He basically said he was done with me." A few days ago when we had that dinner he told me he was done apologizing.

That he was done begging me. I'm both glad and sad that he's moving on. I'm happy because he deserves to stop dreading over me.

I'm sad because I want him to love me. I want his love. I'm unfair. I know I am. I'm a terrible person and I don't deserve him. Or his love.

"He said that because he was hurt. But if you like him why don't you talk to him? You two could work it out." Dean says in an encouraging voice.

"No Dean. That's not possible. I'm nothing but misery. If I stay in Seth's life I will destroy him. He will regret staying with me. Why do you think my other relationships didn't work? Because I'm a screw up. I deserve to be alone. He deserves someone better. Someone like Renee. She's pretty, has a great body, she's not immature and selfish like I am."

Dean looks like he's about to say something but I get up before he does. "I have to go. Bye Dean." He takes a deep breath, "Okay. Bye. Take care."

I grab my gym bag and walk out of the performance center where I was working out. I walk to my car and get in.

As soon as I sit down I receive a call from none other than Renee. At first I'm hesitating whether to answer or not.

"Hello?" I say quietly. "Hey Nikki!" She says. "Hey Renee." I try to sound as cheerful as her but I can't. Not with her anyways.

Renee is a nice girl. She's very sweet and friendly. The fact that she can be Seth's girlfriend really bothers me. It causes me to envy her.

In fact I do envy her. She's so happy. So free. While I'm trapped in my own cage. While I'm trapped in nothing but sadness.

"How are you?" She asks. "I'm..." wanting to curl up in a hole and cry. "Fine."

"That's great!" She says happily. "Yeah. How are you?" I ask biting my lip. "I'm great as well. I've been going out with his amazing person."

My heart instantly breaks. It has to be Seth. "Oh." The tears instantly spill from my eyes. With no warning. They just come one after another.

No noise comes out of my mouth. Just tears escape my eyes. "Yeah! He's fabulous. I'm glad I met him. He's actually-"

Do I really want to hear her blab about how happy she is with him? "Renee. I'm sorry I can't talk right now. Can we talk later?"

"Uh, sure. Make sure you call me back! By-" I hang up before she's even done. I turn on my car and wipe my tears.

It's useless though. They keep coming one after another. I turn on the radio as loud as I can hoping that will help me forget.

But it doesn't. Not even the loud music can drown the thoughts. I mean I knew Seth was moving on. I just didn't know it'd be this quick.

I'm not prepare for this. I'm not prepared to see him with her. I'm not ready. No, no, no. I'm not ready to see that. Thinking about it makes me want to die.

When I get to Brie's house I run to the room I'm staying in. I go to the bathroom and close the door locking it. Neither Brie nor Roman are here but I still lock the door.

I'm staring at myself in the mirror. My face is pale and there's hideous dark circle under my puffy eyes.

"You know what? I'm tired. Tired of apologizing. Tired of begging you. I'm done. I'm done humiliating myself for you. If you don't want to talk to me then fine. Just remember that you broke my heart."

I start sobbing and punch the mirror. The mirror pieces fall violently on the floor. I stare at my bloody hand.

A sharp pain shoots up my hand. I try to wipe my tears but only rub blood on my face. You're disgusting, Nicole. Look at yourself. That's why Seth likes Renee better. She's gorgeous. Thin. Beautiful. Unlike you. You're fat. Ugly. Worthless.

I look away from the broken mirror and turn on the faucet. As the water fills the tub I stare at my bloody hand.

I feel so alone. The worst thing about being alone is not being alone itself. It's the fact that I feel like no once cares.

I guess it's my fault for pushing everyone away. I hate myself for doing that.

I'm just a worthless screwup.