Jumbled Heartaches* WWE Fanfic

Part 54

Nikki's point of view;

It's been a few days since the accident happened. I stayed at the hospital for one night because the doctor wanted to keep me on watch. Since I did take a bunch of laxatives and cut my hand pretty bad they were "watching" out for any body changes.

Mom came over yesterday and saw the broken mirror. I told her it was an accident and that I'd replace it.

She asked about my hand and I lied and said that I cut it by accident.

She told me to be more careful. And to replace the mirror before Brie returned and didn't say nothing else about it. I'm thankful for that because what would've I exactly told her?

Oh so mom I punched the mirror because I hate the way I look. Yeah totally not an option. After that she asked me once again to move in with her.

I want to very badly because I'll be close to Seth but I can't right now. I'm going to a psychologist and a therapist. They're going to "help" me with my problem.

If I move in with my family they'll start suspecting something's up. Plus what if I get a letter on the mail or a call?

I don't know. It seems risky. I don't like being alone but Seth comes over a lot. He constantly texts me and calls me.

I know it's because he's afraid I'll do something like what I did. I'm laying on my bed when I hear a car pull up. I know for a fact it's not Brie or Roman because they're on tour. I also know it's not mom because she came yesterday and JJ is working right now.

When I hear the car door shut I quickly get up. I run to the bathroom and try to see how I look but there's no mirror.

I hear footsteps and I quickly lay back down hoping I look presentable enough. "Hey." Seth says as he peeks in.

Since he comes over so much I have him a copy of the house key. Hopefully Brie won't find out. Even if she does I guess it won't bother her since Seth is our "step-brother".

"Hey." I reply as he walks in. He lays on the bed beside me. "How did it go?" He asks. Today I had a session with my psychologist and tomorrow I will have one with my therapist.

Going to those places makes me feel weird. Seth insisted in driving me but I had to do it by myself.

"Good. I guess." I say, "You guess? That doesn't sound so convincing." He replies. "It's just.. I don't feel comfortable yet. To tell her everything I feel. It's hard telling your feelings to a stranger. You know?"

He nods his head, "Yes. I know. Hmm, but think about it this way. The psychologist is trying to help you feel better. They will help you understand what's really going on. It's going to take a while for you to get used to it but you can do it."

"If you say so." He smiles and nods his head, "I do say so. Uh, so have you ate anything?" He asks.

I look down at his chest avoiding eye contact. "No. I'm scared to ... you know." I whisper. He holds my hand. "It's okay. Don't be scared. It's a slow process but it'll get better. I promise. Do you want to eat something?"

"I'm really hungry but I don't want to leave. Not now anyways." I say as I look at him. When I'm laying beside him everything seems to disappear. All my problems, all my doubts, all my insecurities.

"We can lay for a bit more. Not too long though I don't want you to starve." He says. I nod my head and he grins.

He stops grinning in a matter of seconds. "What's wrong?" He asks. "What if I can't get over this?"

"Of course you can get over it. I know you can." He says in an encouraging voice. "It's something I've dealt with for a long time. It's been so long."

"Since when? If I can know." He quickly adds, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want." This is something I love about Seth. He doesn't force me to say or do something I don't want to do. He's just that type of guy that understands you and doesn't pressure you. He's amazing.

"I was in third grade when I started feeling insecure about myself. I remember my mom used to dress Brie and I identical well because we're twins. That one day she dressed us in a cute dress and flats. I remember looking at Brie wearing the dress. She looks so stunning and thin. I was always the bigger one size wise. I felt really bad because my tummy poked out. In every outfit my mom put on me, I found a flaw. It was either my legs, or my stomach, or my arms. It was always something."

"When I was in middle school things got worse. Almost every girl in the seventh grade had big boobs. Bigger than mine anyways. Brie had small breasts like me but she didn't seem to mind. She never has minded and that's something that I admire. Even in middle school Brie was confident about her body. I was very self conscious. I started stuffing my bra or would wear two bras to make my breasts look a bit bigger. Brie knew about it of course and she never told on. She didn't care and thought I was ridiculous for doing that."

"Once I was in high school I became very upset. My breasts were still small, I felt fat and super ugly. I felt like Brie was always the prettiest one. I told myself I'd get thin and get bigger breasts and a better body. So I started working out, I played soccer a lot and ran a bunch. It didn't make me feel any better. I felt like I kept gaining weight every day. So one day I read this article on the internet. It told me to throw up every time I ate. I was a dumb fifteen year who believed that doing that would help me achieve my goal."

"So I did. Every time we ate I threw it up. One day I was in gym class and I fainted. My mom freaked out and took me to the doctor. I don't know if you remember this but Alex, my mom, and I went to the doctor. The doctor told my mom I had lost lots of weight and that he thought I was trying to lose weight to hide a pregnancy. Of course my mom completely flipped out. She asked me over and over if I was pregnant. Alex told her if I said no it was because it was the truth. We got home and my mom and Alex never talked about it. They told y'all that I had simply fainted because I had ran too much. My mom kept a close eye on me though. So I stopped throwing up my food so she won't assume I was losing weight to hide something."

"After high school was when I started with my binge eating. I worked out so much and nothing seemed to work for me. So I would eat and eat because it somehow filled up the empty space on my heart. After I ate I felt extremely guilty so I would get rid of the calories I consumed. At first I would throw it up, then I stated exercising excessively, and then I started misusing laxatives. Everything got out of control though. Soon after that I started doing all of them at the same time. I'd eat and eat and then throw up, exercise, and take laxatives to produce vowel movement. I did it so much I got so used to it. Now I still get the urge to do it. And I want to stop I really do but at the same time I don't. I feel like if I stop I'll get fat and ugly and..."

My voice trails off as I start sniffing. Seth swallows hard and I see tears on his eyes. I've never seen a guy cry before. Especially for me. He pulls me in for a hug. He wraps his arms around me tightly and kisses my head.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that alone but I promise you won't be alone ever again."
And I believe him.