20 Ways To Kill Yourself ➳ Bullied By 5SOS

Chapter 4 - Starve

Packing my books into my bag, I heaved, slinging the heavy sack over my shoulder, feeling much like a tired Santa Claus, as the bell rang signalling it was time to make my way to the lunch hall. I waited until all the other students had left before I too made my way to the cafeteria where I knew I would inevitably be alone, like every other day.

Except, that was where I was wrong...

Because, as soon as I sat down on the isolated table, far in the back where not a single head would turn toward, I was joined by none other than Ashley and her group of friends I would often refer to as the 'skank squad'. Although, the thought of letting that name slip was enough for me to keep my mouth shut. She clung onto Calum's side as he held her by the waist.

Nevertheless, I was utterly confused when she sat down opposite me and successfully succeeded in making me uncomfortable. Who knew that a person of the opposite hierarchy, pretty much top of the social scale, would sit with someone like me.

I was more unwanted than that first slice of bread...

"Ugh, why are we here babe?" Calum asked, voicing my thoughts as he looked me up and down in disgust, but still taking a seat next to his girlfriend.

Of course I was curious of the answer, unsure of what she wanted, I dared not acknowledge their looming presence as I pulled out all the homework I had been assigned today, wanting to complete it before I got home so I could binge watch a few hundred episodes on netflix.

"Don't be rude Calum." She said, and from my peripheral vision I saw her nudging the tanned boy's side. "Hi Maya!" She said a bit too cheerfully for my liking as I mentally cringed at the high pitch of her shrill voice and the fact that she was suddenly - willingly within ten feet of my presence. But still, out of courtesy, I nodded my head, as a means of salutations, reaching into my bag for a pen of some sorts until my hand touched something else instead.

I pulled it out, my fingers wrapped around the foreign wrapper of something I hadn't touched in a long time. To most it would seem absurd that I was overreacting over something as simple as a chocolate bar, but to me it was as if my hand made contact with something filled with poison.

I would have to question Ashton about this later, I thought as I placed the dairy milk on the table besides my textbook, intending to throw it away later.

"So, I just wanted to know if you were interested in something." I looked up as she began to speak, pushing my thick framed glasses up my face as I saw her eye the wrapped chocolate that lay beside me. "I'm throwing a halloween party later tonight and I wanted to know if you would like to come?"

"What?!" Calum's reaction paralleled my own...my eyes practically popping out of their sockets.

Did she take some kind of drug this morning that messed with her brain?

To say I ever went to a party would be a lie.

I had never attended one.

And neither had I received an invite to one.

So naturally, to say I was confused would be an understatement

"Oh my god, it's like the best party of the year!" Steffany said beside her, a nail file in hand as she began to perfect her nails.

"Totally." Brittany agreed, scaring me slightly as the skank squad all laughed in sync while Calum held a glaring contest with me.

Okay, hold up.

This girl has had something against me for the longest time, and now she wanted my presence in her house?

Please.

I beg to differ.

"Alright, who paid you and how much?" I asked, my pen falling to the table as it was released from my grip and I stood abruptly, feeling a sudden anger take over me. She had a smirk on her face, completely unfazed by my actions as she casually cuddled into Calum's side, wrapping his toned arm around herself.

They were the stereotypical 'trophy' couple whose relationship induced any kind of jealousy in every other person that didn't have a match 'made in heaven' as perfect as these two did.

Me? I almost threw up a little in my mouth every time I unfortunately witnessed them sucking faces in the hallways...

"What are you talking about?" She asked innocently, taking a sip, but I could see that there was something behind the facade she was holding up.

"How low were the bets huh?" I raised my eyebrow, crossing my arms across my chest and knowing how little I would be worth. I was worth something similar to the dog shit in the soil near a tree that everyone would avoid.

Instead of answering my question, she picked my pen up from where it lay on the table, scribbling something in my book. "Well, if you change your mind and find that you need a little something to spice up your mundane way of living, here is the address." She said, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth and flicking her hair back before pulling Calum up with her as she stood, the two clones following suit.

But before she walked away, she motioned towards the chocolate bar that had mysteriously found its way into my bag and leaned down to whisper something in my ear, only loud enough for me to hear.

"Honey, you might wanna watch that stomach of yours, wouldn't want anyone to think you were sleeping around."She pat my shoulder lightly before leaving me shocked and hurt. I heard Calum say a quick little 'what the hell was that about?' before they were out of earshot.

I didn't think of myself as fat but now I felt slightly self conscious about my weight.

She had such a bipolar personality. One moment she tells me that it's time to kill myself, the next she invites me to her house for the, quote unquote, best party of the year as if we've been friends for ages, and now she tells me that I need to lose weight? Next she'll be expecting me to come to her wedding as one of the bridesmaids...

I dispelled those thoughts, unhappy with the lack of work I got done as I repacked my things as the bell rang once again. I threw the chocolate in the dustbin, grimacing at it in disgust as I walked towards the bathroom. I stared at the reflection that stared back in the mirror, breathing heavily as her words seemed to be ringing through my ears and another thought making its home in the back of my brain.

Number two: starve until there's nothing left but bones and paper skin.