20 Ways To Kill Yourself ➳ Bullied By 5SOS

Chapter 57 - Burst

I gasped so hard, sitting up so fast I thought I'd get whiplash. My eyes darted around the room. I looked down at my hands and feet and was happy at the fact that I could move them around. It was just a -

Wait.

In that moment I felt nothing at all and all of a sudden I felt everything all at once - the burning on my wrists and ankles from the ropes, the throbbing in my head and the throbbing in between my legs. I could move around at last, but I couldn't change what happened...

Tears began to stream out from my eyes like an overflowed dam and my vision became so clouded I couldn't see. My throat ached and I didn't even feel like swallowing that same lump again and again. This time I just let it all out. My knees were close to my chest and my arms were wrapped tightly around them. Myself was the only thing I could hold onto.

Last year I was alone.

And right now, I was just alone once again in the darkness of this room.

The only thing that kept me company was the moon that shone through the window.

I knew something would happen.

And I hated myself for knowing something would happen.

No - I hated Luke for what he did. I hated Kathy for forcing me to come.

Kathy... where was she?

And what was I supposed to do now?

There was a wet liquid under me. I touched it and held my finger up to the window for light. I couldn't see very well so I tried to stand up and locate the light. But the pain between my legs was too much to bear and I fell to my knees.

I groaned in pain and cried out. My breathing was laboured and the pain in my head did nothing but multiply that pain. I crawled on my hands and knees towards the door and dragged it open. I saw that the liquid was blood and had a weird stench.

Blood - it was the blood from my-

I screamed out and slammed my fist against the wooden floor. I wasn't wearing my jeans or underwear anymore, but thankfully my dress was long enough to cover past my knees. I tried my best to stand despite the intense stinging I felt in every fibre of my being. I had to lean all my weight against the wall and I had to resort to limping because I couldn't walk.

I needed to find a bathroom. I needed to find some medicine. I needed to find something.

After spending hours trying to limp across the hall, looking for the bathroom I found it and immediately locked myself inside. I leaned my back against the back of the door and slid down.

I didn't want to cry anymore but it seemed as though that's all I could do.

I wanted to die.

I wanted the Earth to open up below my feet and swallow me whole.

I wanted everything to go back to how it was before.

But the more I thought about it, the more I cried.

And the more I cried, the more everything hurt - my head and my heart.

I looked around the large bathroom in an attempt to find something to help me. I stood up and stumbled towards the sink where there wa sa cabinet. When I opened it I was glad to see a box of medication.

"Thank you Jesus." I muttered, shaking my head. I had found myself in a lot of shit lately, haven't I?

With shaking hands I pried open the lid, some pills falling out and landing on the floor. Unfortunately there weren't an awful lot left and including the ones that fell on the floor there were only 7. I'm sure nobody would mind if I took a few.

I popped two into my mouth and washed them down, drinking water from the tap.

And then another one.

And then another.

And another.

Until there was none left in the box, apart from the couple pills on the floor.

I was desperate.

And so I picked them up and popped them in my mouth too.

If only there were more...

Number 19: Pop as many pills as it takes until my stomach bursts