20 Ways To Kill Yourself ➳ Bullied By 5SOS

Chapter 51 - Tracks

"Come on Maya it'll be fun!"

Stepping out of the car and taking a deep breath, I swallowed as I stared up at Ashley's mansion of a house.

The outside was graceful and big but the inside was suffocating and small as every corner and inch of the living room was filled with a human.

I felt dizzy, the room was spinning. I looked down at the clouded liquid in the red cup I gripped tightly between my fingers. I stared up and saw the eyes of every person in the room on me. I coudl see Ashley in the foyer, a microphone in her hands. She began to say something, but I could hear nothing. I could hear nothing but ringing in my ears.

Her mouth was moving, but no words were coming out.

And all of a sudden I was hit with a cold liquid, pouring over my head and leaking down my back.

Blood... blood...

It was happening again.

Except this time I couldn't hear laughter, the only sound was the defeaning ringing in my ears. I pounded my clenched fists against my temples, trying anything to get it to stop.

All i could do was scream. Scream at the top of my lungs and pray that someone, somewhere could hear me...

I jumped up from under my covers, my heart racing and my breathing flurried.

I frantically looked around, seeing nothing but the empty quietness of my room.

I looked at my hands, arms, legs and feet, seeing no sign of blood, but only sweat.

It was just a dream.

"Shit." I muttered, burying my head in my hands.

Every night I'd have a painful flashback.

One day it'd be about Ashton and how I was only seconds late.

Maybe if I was there to stop his tragedy from happeneing, just maybe he might've woken up.

One day it'd be about dad and how I seemed to be reliving my tormenting childhood.

Maybe if I could somehow help mom and dad's marriage, he wouldn't have taken his anger out on me.

Another day it'd be about mom and how I was helpless to save her.

Maybe if I jumped in front of her before he pulled the trigger, she would still be here.

Yesterday it was about Hayley and Calum and today it was me.

Everywhere i turned and every time i'd close my eyes, I'd see death.

It wasn't healthy...

I pushed the duvet covers off my frail body and rubbed the pad of my thumb over the lumps, bumps and marks. No amount of self harm or cigarettes would help.

Even if i went to that party tonight, I wouldn't survive repeats of last year.

I just wasn't strong enough anymore.

Truthfully, deep down in my heart, I knew what I wanted.

I strolled through the small town, making my way to the outskirts which I knew would be empty. At last I had found the dooming destination that lay in front of me where I was sure I'd meet my demise.

Feeling strangely calm and at peace, i jumped over the frail wooden fence and slid down the untrimmed vegetation-covered slope that separated me from my sweet release.

Taking one look up at the sky and taking one deep inhale, i lay down on the train tracks. My legs were sprawled across one while my head lay comfortably on the other. I waited a while, tapping my feet against the metal of the track while I waited for the 4 o'clock train to make its way towards me, in a place where no barriers could halt its thundering speed, a place i knew the train would approach at full speed.

Yawning and taking a quick glance at my phone to check the time, i ignored the string of messages from Kathy asking where the hell I was.

3:58.

Locking my phone and laying it on my stomach, i stared at the sky as a thought had burrowed itself into the crevasses of my brain.

I closed my eyes, thinking, as the ground beneath me began to shake.

Number 17: Be crushed into a million pieces, my insides sprawling out. 

(a/n): last few chapters now! 

i want to ask you guys a simple QOTC: theres been a lot of crazy things taht have happened with this plot and so many decisions (and deaths) 

and even though there are a few chapters left, what are your thoughts so far, knowing what Maya's been through, and now that everything's coming to an end?