Salubrious (Jason McCann)

Chapter 60

Malarie's POV

Eleven days later: December 22nd

Severe regret, extreme depression, agonizing sadness, horrible emptiness, nothing but pure and utter loneliness. This just about sums up all of what I have been feeling for one week and four days now– without any type of interaction with my children. Not one single phone call, text message, voicemail, or a simple email to me. Jason is really making me suffer for my perfidious actions, and I feel every bit of it so harshly. Not being able to speak to my children is equivalent to an axe being hit into my chest several times. Without out them I am empty... I am dead... I am nothing.

Trying not to think about my five little blessings any longer– as if I could really do that; I am always thinking of them– I attempt to read a page out of this Celebrity Gossip magazine on the bed next to me. Yet it is no use, it's not interesting to me, so I find myself crying my eyes out some more. I miss my kids, I miss the guys– who I am also not allowed to keep in touch with–, Pattie, Snowy Legs (horse), Estelle (dog), Chubby (kitten), Bubbles (Goldfish)... and even Jason. As much as I feel I shouldn't, I truly do miss him.

"Mal, I brought you some lunch," Rebecca's soft voice sounds from the doorway, while I continue to look down at my hands as I still silently let my tears fall. "It's nothing too special, just a grilled cheese sandwich with some Barbecue Lays chips on the side." She chuckles a bit, before taking a seat next to me on the bed.

I continue to solemnly look down at my crossed legs in a silent manner, not meaning to be rude with Becca, but I'm very sad at my current dilemma with my husband. More tears spill out of my eyes as I silently twirl around a piece of string that somehow managed to unravel on my sweatpants.

"Oh, Mal." Becca sighs, sounding sad herself. "Don't do this to yourself." She sits the plate down on the other side of her, and wraps her arms around me... or tried to. Her sixth month baby bump is kind of in the way.

"I can't help it." I croak out, my throat all dry from not drinking any water today or yesterday. "You have to try to help it, sweetie. I know you are down, and I know you are depressed. But girly you have to get through this. You have be strong for your children, and for your relationship with Jason." She rubs my back as best as she can, speaking softly in my ear.

"How am I supposed to be strong when Jason doesn't even let me see our kids? Or how he doesn't even want to talk to me, so I can explain? It's hard, it's so freaking hard. On top of everything, it's the holidays... and I cannot even spend it with my family. Christmas is in three days Becca, what if he doesn't let see them? Or give them their gifts I bought for them?" Then just like that I am sobbing again, not believing Jason would do this to me.

"Shhh, shhh, don't think like that. You will see your kids again, I know you will. He wouldn't let Christmas or Christmas Eve go by without you seeing, or talking to them. You and I both know Jason's not that cruel. And even if he is, he still wouldn't be able to stay mad at you forever. Jason has a weak spot for you; he's soft for you, girl. Everything will fall into its place, you will see. You just have to stay positive, patient, and pray about it, Mal." Becca being the greatest best friend in the entire world speaks so lovingly to me, reassuring me all will be okay. She even so nicely wiped my tears away as she spoke to me.

"You are amazing." I respond lightly, smiling up at her with my watery eyes. "I know I am. Now will you pretty please try to eat this time? Your lack of eating food is really starting to worry me." She pouts, picking up the plate and handing it over to me.