So Far Away | Min Yoongi

36.0

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Min Yoongi.

Get out of my mind, Min Yoongi.

The test started an hour ago but nothing from what i've studied last night is getting in my mind.

I wasn't sure if I studied last night either.

Everything that i'm thinking of is him. Nothing but him. I try to stop myself and do various things like cleaning my room, doing the laundry, watering the plants, and I did try to study.

But nothing worked. I keep on thinking about him. I want nothing more than to see him, nothing more than to hug him and feel that he's okay. That he's alright.

But I can't.

Because he's in the hospital with his injured shoulder. He's in the hospital because he's not strong enough. He's in the hospital and not in here. Not at school.

He's in the hospital instead of taking the tests.

And it's all because of me.

What was I thinking? I made an unnecessary fight with him just because he wouldn't tell me anything about him. I'm so stupid, it's all my fault. If I didn't stuck my nose in his own personal business, he won't be upset. He won't be in a motorcycle accident. He won't be in that hospital.

Instead he would be here.

I tried my hardest to answer the questions from the test paper, mostly just from my stock knowledge and stuff I remembered from writing it down on my notes for the whole semester. I am not that confident with my answers but still, I am able to write something down. I would still get a score. I will still get grades.

This doesn't feel right. I'm the reason why Yoongi can't take his test but i'm here answering my own test. I will be the reason why he'll get a zero on his marks.

I put him in this position.

How stupid of me. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve to be fine and have nothing to worry about. I don't deserve the fact that I wouldn't have problems with my grades because I took the test.

It doesn't feel right.

"Pass your papers," the substitute teacher who is just here to look after us says from her seat, adjusting her circular glasses.

I look down at my paper as I tap my pencil on my cold hard desk. I'm going to do what's right. It's not too late yet. I'm going to do what's fair.

And so I scrubbed out my name with an eraser and wrote two words on top of my test paper before handing it in into the bin.

Min Yoongi.

*

"How are your tests, sweetie?"

Not now, mom. Not now when I don't have any more energy to lie, or to pretend like everything's alright. It has been almost a week since Yoongi's accident.

And it's been almost a week since I managed to function properly.

Oh, my tests are superb. Your soon-to-be doctor daughter didn't take her tests. It's amazing, very very amazing. I guess your daughter's not going to be a doctor now.

Will they even let me be their daughter if I don't end up as a doctor?

Oh crap, I can't tell her that.

"Fine," I lied, sneaking into my room. "I'm going to go take a nap."

Just right before I was about to close the door, my mom enters my room. She's going to give one of these talks again. She's going to let me know how much expectations they have for me. She's going to let me know that I shouldn't get distracted.

I'm tired of hearing these things.

I sighed and frowned at the same time as I jump into my bed, landing in my stomach. Soon I hear my door clicking shut, and I felt her sit just right beside my feet.

"Are you okay?" She asks with a worried voice. "You've been very quiet lately."

"Yeah," I bobbed my head down into the soft mattress. "Just tired."

"You sure? You know you can always tal-"

"Mom." I stopped her midway. "I'm fine. I just need to be alone."

"Is it about the tests? Was it hard? Was there anything that you forgot or you didn't stu-"

"Why does everything have to do with school?" I lift my head tilt it around to her as I muttered heavily. "Everything is about school, about grades, about college, about the future. I'm... I don't want to talk about it."

Her face got very still. Her wrinkles forming just under the sides of her eyes are now present, eyes widening despite how big they were already just right under her glasses, and her full lips forming an 'o' shape. She closes her mouth, and soon enough it was forming a straight line.

"Because everything's about your future." She explains calmly, making me look away from her. "Your dad and I wants nothing more than success for you."

"Just... I want to be alone, mom. Please." I begged, as I feel a droplet of tear falling down my cheek. I tilted my head up hoping the tears will all go back up.

"Okay." She says in a flat tone. I felt the pressure from the bed lighten up as she stands up. "But promise me one thing."

I rolled into my side and look at her. She's standing just right beside the door, her hands rubbing both her arms at the same time. A glint of loneliness painted in her face.

"Do not get distracted." She says slowly, emphasizing all the words.

"I promise." I say immediately and roll my back against the bed again. She sighs before leaving me alone in the room, closing the door shut.

I'm sorry, mom.