The White Institute Bedroom

Cold Sweats

Cold Sweats

Jace sat on the cold hard floor of his bathroom. His head in his hands and the door closed. Someone was knocking on the other side of the door. He knew who it was he didn't even have to listen to her sweet angelic voice to know who it was.

"Jace just let me in please. I just want to talk to you." Clary said just loud enough for him to hear. The door wasn't even locked. He was still in his black pyjama pants with the string undone. He'd ran out. Simple as that. He was scared and venerable.

"Clary, just go away please. I just need to be alone." Jace mumbled through his hands. She must have realized that the door wasn't locked because he heard her sit down in front of him. Even though Clary had started Shadowhunter training 6 months ago she still wasn't quiet enough that Jace couldn't hear her. 

"Look I just want to talk to you." Clary whispered trying to put a hand on Jace's knee. He pulled back.

"I..I just...I can't talk about it." Jace whispered.

"Then just listen. I know you're scared. So am I it's not everyday you and your Shadowhunter boyfriend almost sleep together you know? And another thing I know you want to been seen as this strong masculine man but in all honesty everyone has a bit of vulnerability inside of them, even you." Clary said trying to reassure Jace. He looked at her for the first time since he'd slammed her down on his bed and ran out of the room.

"It's not that." Jace said.

"Then what is it?"

"Ever since that day."

"What day, Jace? You have to be specific with me. There have been a lot of days in the week, month and year."

"The last day we tried to sleep together and I stabbed your arm. I can't get over it. I ask myself every single minute of every single day when I'm with you whether that be at Taki's, in the park even when we're training I think 'What if it happens again?' or 'What if I meant to hurt you?' It's so stupid it's like whenever I'm around you or even a knife now it scares me. Not you personally but that thought that it could happen again and if it does I could seriously injure you like maybe even k...ki....kill you." Jace said trying to breath slowly and steadily. 

"Look Jace I remember that day as much as you do but I don't ask the same question as you do. I ask myself 'What if it was me who provoked him?' or 'What if it had been me who stabbed Jace?' but then I remember that I love you and I hope to Raziel that you love me too. I don't want you to be scared anymore I'm fine yeah it hurt when you actually stabbed me but in a few minutes and a few runes later I was fine. I know what. Go get dressed and we'll go get a hot chocolate." Clary said trying to cheer Jace up. 

"We have hot chocolate here, you know?" Jace said the corners of his mouth lifting slightly. 

"I know that but Magnus informed me about a lovely little cafe near his apartment where they sell the most divine hot chocolate the world has ever known." Clary said picking herself up off the floor and holding her hand out for Jace.

"The world?" Jace asked. 

"The world." Clary answered. Jace stared Clary up and down for a minute. He finally took her hand. 

"I do love you." Jace whispered in Clary's ear as they walked out the bathroom hand in hand. 

"Well thank Raziel," Clary said sighing sarcastically. "I'm going to go and ask Izzy something." 

"Okay I'll see you at the elevator in a few minutes." Jace answered.

"Bye." Clary said and walked over to him. He put his hands on her waist a bit reluctantly at first but then became comfortable. He leaned over and kissed her on the lips. She locked her arms around his neck. 

"Bye." Jace whispered.