Always For Keeps ( For Keeps part 2)

Thirteen. Luke

Song for this chapter: I hate you, I love you: Gnash & Olivia O'Brian

She saved my life; Scarlett. And how do I repay her? I leave her alone, crying on the couch. I hear her say my name, but ignore her as I curl up in bed.
While we were kissing, I dreaded coming up for air; for reality to come crashing back. I fucked up so bad and I know it's only a matter of time until she finds out and I lose her forever.
So I walked away while she sat broken on the couch.
I'm a horrible human and I don't deserve her.

I take a sleeping pill and pass out.
Nightmares terrorize me. My friends are killed over and over as demons try to drag me to hell. I kick and fight them, but I can't get away.
One begins shaking me until I knock it off of me. It sounds like Scarlett, and I immediately sit up in bed.
"Luke." She sobs while grabbing my wrists.
"Scar?" I say and I realize I have a sheen layer of sweat covering my body.
"You were screaming. I was just trying to wake you." She says in the dark room. I feel her move off the bed and I pull her, not so gently, back to my chest.
"Please don't leave." I beg. "Please."
"Okay." She whispers and relaxes a little in my arms. I try to wait for her breathing to even out, but she quietly sobs into my chest.
"I'm sorry. I didn't meant to hurt your feelings."
"I'm fine." She whispers in between sobs unconvincingly.
"I realized in the middle of the best kiss of my life that I don't deserve you."
"That's stupid and you know it." She tries to yell but her voice is hoarse and she sobs more.
"I fucked up and I can't fix it." I say stroking her hair.
"Weren't you the one being positive about us? What happened?"
"It's over." I whisper. "We are over." She tries to move from my grip but I pull her back.
"Let me go." She says angrily. "If it's over then let me go." She pulls again but I'm stronger than she is.
"No."
She fights me this time. Trying to pound on my chest, kick me, she trashes her body, but I don't let go.
"Lucas." She begs but I can't let her go. When she pulls again I flip her so she's under me.
"I love you. I love you so fucking much, but I fucked us up and I know I don't deserve you, but I can't let you go." I try to search her eyes in the darkness, but it's too dark. She catches me off guard as her mouth slams into mine. Her kiss is angry, but it feels so good. She bites my lip and I groan into her mouth. She pulls her arms free and pulls her shirt off. I quickly unfasten her bra and throw it somewhere in the dark room. I pull her shorts off in one fluid sweep and rip her panties from her skin.
Quickly I pull my shorts off and she wraps her legs around my waist. She moves her hips up to mine and I push into her; hard.
"Fuck." She growls. But she tightens her legs around me. "Harder." She breathes, but I slow down, savoring the feeling of being inside her. I kiss her softer, trying to slow down. She feels so good I want this feeling to last. "Luke! Please." She begs and tries to move her hips harder into me. I feel control slipping away, and I fuck her; hard. She moans my name over and over and it quickly sends me over the edge. I spill inside her just as an orgasm tears through her.
We still and the room is quiet; except for our ragged breathing. I feel her heart pounding through her chest as she slides out from under me. She moves to get off the bed and I quickly pull her back again.
"You got what you wanted. Let me go."
"You're what I want. Please stay with me tonight."
She doesn't say anything but she sighs as she rests her head on my chest.
"I love you. I need you to know that." I whisper as I pull her closer. She just nods.
Finally, feeling euphoric, I drift off to sleep.

I wake as the sunlight dances through the blinds. Scarlett sleeps peacefully on my chest and I hate myself for all the bull shit I have put her through. I take this opportunity to memorize her beautiful face, but when I move her slightly, I'm startled by what I see. Her left eye and cheekbone are black and blue. I lightly touch it and she startles awake.
Tears fill my eyes when she sits up and clutches the covers to her naked chest. Her small hand moves to the bruised skin.
"I tried to wake you from your nightmare." She whispers. "I've had worse."
"Is that supposed to make me feel better?" I pull her into my lap and kiss her face. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Scar."
"It's not your fault. I shouldn't have tried to wake you, but-" she stills.
"What?"
"You were crying and screaming my name. I couldn't let you stay trapped in a nightmare."
"I hate myself."
"It was an accident."
"Stop making excuses."
"It's not an excuse, you were fucking sleeping." She says and pushes off of me. "I don't know why I care." She says as fresh tears stream down her beautiful face. "We are officially over."
"Don't say that!" I jump out of bed and follow her to the bathroom.
"You're the one who said it. You made me stay with you. I fucked you one last time. What else could you want."
"I want you."
"It's too late. Remember?" She rolls her eyes.
"Do you think last night meant nothing?"
"Obviously." She says angrily.
"How could you say that?"
"It is what it is." She shrugs.
"No. Don't say that. Don't downplay what we have."
"I'm not! You did that for us!" She glares.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't know how things got so fucked up, Scar, but I need you. I'm so sorry I kissed you and then walked away, I didn't want to make love to you and be done. I still want you."
"We fucked."
"I still love you." I desperately try to get her to realize it.
"And I love you, but you haven't been making sense! I traveled to you because I was so worried and you pull that kind of shit! Do you hate me that much?" She sobs.
I pull her gently into me and hold her close. "I could never hate you. I hate myself."
"Please just stop hurting me. Stop being so destructive." My heart breaks as she says this.
"Okay. Okay. Please don't leave me. I need you."
"Okay." She whispers.

We are silent as we shower washing away last nights sins. I keep lightly kissing her face as I feel sick looking at her bruised eye. She turns and I massage her shoulders. She sighs quietly as she relaxes.
When the water starts turning cold, we dry off and leave the steaming bathroom.
She pauses before entering the bedroom, but realizing her clothes are still in their drawers she hesitantly enters and gets dressed without a word. I throw on some sweats and a white t shirt and watch her put on some black leggings and a red t shirt over her black sports bra. She avoids my eyes after she is done, and brushes her hair.
The silence is deafening.
"I'm so sorry." I say sitting on the bed behind her.
"It looks worse than it is." She shrugs.
"Not just for the eye, Scar."
"It's okay, Luke." She grabs her phone and sighs. "I have to make some calls. "I'll be right back."
My chest tightens knowing she is calling Cooper. Her husband, but I just nod and watch her leave the room.
I can't hear her talking, so I lay back on the bed with my arms crossed behind my head.
After a while I sit back up and wonder where she is. I panic briefly that she left and I can't get out of the room fast enough. Her suitcase is still right outside the bedroom door and I sigh in relief. I don't hear her anywhere but happen to glance in the spare bedroom where she quietly sleeps under the white covers.

I crawl in next to her, trying not to wake her. She shifts uncomfortably for a moment before cuddling into my warm body with a sigh. We don't talk and after a few minutes her breathing evens out.
"I love you." I whisper and kiss the back of her head.
It doesn't take long for me to fall asleep holding her close.