Confusing Love

Chapter 11: Finally Out

Cameron's P.O.V:

After a 2 hour flight we finally were home. Nash had given me the silent treatment the whole time. How is it my fault that I'm not ready to come out? We get off the plane and make our way to luggage. I walked over to Shawn and tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and as soon as he saw me his eyes were stone. "Shawn listen, I'm sorry about what I said."

"Look, I understand how you really feel now. I'm just pissed you led me on."

"Shawn I didn't lead you on. My feelings for you are very real. I'm just not ready to come out to the rest of the world." Shawn started walking away with his bags. "Shawn please."

"What Cameron! What do you want me to say!" he was yelling now. "You want me to say I understand and not be your boyfriend? I really liked you Cam, and I didn't care who knew. You couldn't even tell the world who you truly are out of fear. And I don't need someone in my life who's going to tell me they're 'to afraid' to confess their feelings. I don't want this Cameron." He was right. I felt a tear in my eye. All I wanted was to hug him, and for him to make me feel better. "Great now you're crying. I'd try and comfort you but I'm afraid the other guys might see us and think something's up!"

"You think this is easy for me Shawn? I've never had these feelings for someone before until now, and out of fear I can't act on them. I want more than anything in the world to be with you."

"Than why don't you?" he says defeatedly.

"Because I can't Shawn." He walks away leaving me in the airport. Why am I so stupid! I rush out to my car, trying my best not to have a mental break down. I sit in the drivers seat and start bawling. My face rest in my hands. I hear a knock on the passenger seat door. It's Nash. He opens the door and sits down.

"Cameron what's going on with you man?" I grab him pulling him into a hug.

"I don't know Nash. I just can't do it." I'm seriously crying now.

"Cameron you came out to me, and you came out to Shawn why can't you come out to the rest of the world? What are you so afraid of?!"

I finally admit it. "My mom Nash! My mom!" He stops talking, his face dropping.

"Look Cameron, if you're mom can't except you for who you are then she doesn't deserve you."

"She always instilled Christian views in me as a child and one of those views that is clearly defined is that being gay is a sin; an abomination."

"Cam, do you feel like it's wrong? Do you think it's a sin? How do you feel?" I sat and thought for a moment.

"All I know is that when I'm with Shawn time stops. The Earth becomes so much more, and it feels like I could live forever. When I'm with Shawn I feel happy, I feel complete." I hesitated for a moment, "when I'm with Shawn I feel in love." Love. Nash smiled.

"Well there's you're answer Cam." I wipe away the tears from my face, and clear my throat.

"I'm going to tell my family, and then I'm going to fix things with Shawn." Nash and I did our handshake and he got out of my car. I drive straight home, speeding nearly the whole time.

"Mom! Mom!" I yell running into my house. My heart was beating a million miles an hour. She ran from the kitchen.

"What's wrong Cameron?!"

"Mom I have something to tell you. And it's gonna be hard but I have to tell you." I guided her back to the kitchen. "You might wanna take a seat for this." She sat down looking at me strangely. "Before I say anything I want you to know nothing is different about me, I'm still the same Cameron you've know your whole life, with one exception."

"What is it hunny?"

"Mom...... I'm...... I'm gay." She stopped moving the moment the words left my mouth. My heart stopped. Silence filled the room, hurting my ears. A smile broke out over her face. She stared laughing. "What's so funny mom?"

"Cameron you're my own son, don't you think I would know you? I've known you were gay ever since you came home in the 3rd grade talking about some little boys butt. I'm glad you finally decided to tell me though." Relief filled me chest. I couldn't believe she had known the whole time.

"Mom I gotta go. I've made a huge mistake." I rush out of the house to my car.

"I love you Cameron!" I hear her yell as I'm running out the door.

"I love you too mom!"