Confusing Love

Chapter 49: Talking With God

Cameron's P.O.V:
It's been 5 days. 5 very long, and grueling days. I've laid here, showering a few times, mainly just staying by his side. Each day I've lost a little bit of hope but I still have some remaining. I refuse to think about loosing Shawn. Today was his last day. Originally they were going to take him off life support yesterday. My small outburst on his mother bought him one more day. I've called her several more times, begging her to give Shawn more time but she won't. I don't understand their problem. They're horrible people. They won't even fly out here to see him in his coma. I change my mind; I don't want them at our wedding. "Hey Cameron." I look over at Nash. "You want to go get something to eat?" I look down at my growling stomach.

"Sure." I walk over to Shawn and give him a kiss "I'll be right back baby, I'm just going to get some food. We walk to the cafeteria. I get a grilled cheese and Nash gets a ham sandwich.

"Are you ready for today?" Nash asks.

"What do you mean?"

"They're taking him off life support Cam."

"I know. It's ok though, he'll be awake by then." I look off into the distance eating my food.

"Cameron can you just stop." Nash says, slamming his food down. "Cameron it's almost noon. They're unplugging Shawn at 7 o'clock. I'm sorry to say this but he's not going to live. The sooner you accept this the better off you'll be. It's not healthy for you to live in this make believe world where Shawn is going to be ok." I look at Nash, surprised by his sudden outburst. I feel tears in my eyes. Nash rolls his eyes. "Look Cameron. I'm sorry." I stand up from the table, throwing the chair back.

"No Nash you're right. Shawn's gonna die. Are you happy? Is that what you wanted me to say? Shawn's gonna die in a few hours and there's nothing I can do about. I'm about to lose the man I love more than anything else in this entire world. The man I would give my own life for and there is nothing I can do about it." I turn away walking in the other direction. I have no idea where I'm walking but I'm walking some where. I find my way to the hospital's chapel. I stumble my way to the front and fall down onto my knees. "God please." I say, bowing my head and crying. "I don't know what he did to deserve this. I know I haven't always been the best person but please God can you please just not take Shawn. I'm not ready to say goodbye to him. Take me instead. Please God take me and leave Shawn." I've never felt so down in my whole life. "Please just give me a sign everything is going to be ok. Let me know that Shawn is still there. He has 7 hours. Dear Lord I beg you to wake him up. Please, Lord. I'm sorry if you're punishing us for being gay. I've always been a believer but I've never felt that being gay was wrong. I'm sorry if we've disappointed you. I can't control the love I feel for him. I love him with all my body and soul." I hear footsteps behind me. A preacher walks up and gets down on his knee beside me.

"Can I talk to you son?" I look at him. He's smiling at me. "I'm this chapels preacher. All chapels preacher actually." I'm confused by his statement. He helps me to the front pew and I sit down beside him. "I'd like to give you my interpretation of the Bible, if you don't mind...." he's waiting for me to say my name.

"Cameron."

"If you don't mind Cameron. A lot of Christians like to use the Bible to bash gay folk. But I'm hear to tell you I think they're wrong. I've read a lot out of the Bible in my years and what I've collected is this. No matter what sin is committed, or what wrong is done, love always seems to overcome all of it. Love in another person, and love in God. 1 Corinthians 13:13 says 'And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love.' God loves love Cameron. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong. Your love for Shawn is nothing to be ashamed of, for it is one of the greatest things God has ever seen. So have faith in God Cameron. And have hope in Shawn living. But most importantly love God and love Shawn, for nothing is more important." He gets up and starts walking away.

"How'd you know his name was Shawn?" I turn around to face him.

"Good guess I suppose." he says smiling. He exits the chapel. I turn back around facing the front. My phone starts to ring. I pull it out. It's a phone call from my mother. I answer it.

"Cameron come here right now."

"Why, what's going on." My mother is crying.

"Shawn." She's crying still. I drop the phone to my side. I end the call. He can't be dead. This isn't happening. I run to the elevator hitting the button. It's taking to long. I find the stairs and run up four flights all the way up to floor 8. I step out of the stairwell into the hallway. I collect my breath and walk to Shawn's room. I see doctors and nursing walking in and out. I fall to my knees, the pain in my stomach growing. He's not dead, there's no way. I start crying, covering my face with my hands. I see my mom walk out of the room crying. "Cameron, come on." she says pulling me up.

"He can't be dead." I say, shaking my head. I don't want to believe it. She dried the tears in her eyes.

"Sweety, Shawn's waking up." I look at the door to his room. In one quick second I go from standing with my mother to being inside Shawn's room. He's looking out the window. He turns over looking at me. His eyes grow two times their size. I feel more tears roll down my face and I run to his side. I wrap my arms around him and he wraps his arms around me.

"Baby I knew you were gonna make it." I say, holding his face with both my hands. I rest my forehead on his. "I love you so much Shawny." I say crying. I can't believe he made it. He had 6 hours left. I stand there just holding him, and him holding me. Both of our eyes are closed.

"Ok Cameron, they want to remove the ventilator." my mom says. I leave his side as doctors pour into the room again. Most of them couldn't believe he had woken up.

"I'll be right back." I say to Shawn and then I look at my mother. I didn't want to see them take the ventilator out of Shawn. And I had someone I needed to talk to.

"Where are you going?" I hear my mom yell, as I run to the front desk.

"Hi, i was wondering if you could tell me where I could find this hospital's chapel preacher, or if you could give me his phone number."

"Excuse me?" she says.

"The preacher in charge of the chapel. I had an amazing conversation with him, just a few minutes ago."

"I'm sorry sir, but we don't have a preacher that works in the chapel."

"Yes you do. He gave me some the most amazing advice I've ever received in my life. He gave me hope in my fiancé living."

"I don't know who or what you talked to but we definitely don't have a preacher that works here." I smile at the lady, thinking about the man in my head.

"Thank you." I say walking away from the desk. I wonder who that was that I had talked to in the chapel. There's no way he could have been who I think it was. No way.
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Sorry to trick you guys into thinking Shawn wouldn't make it! Aren't you so happy he did! We've almost reached the end of this book, but don't worry. I have a big announcement coming after the last chapter; just wait.❤️✌️