"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 18 -

A/N: guys I fucked up the end of previous chapter! I made a mistake and wrote things like from Danny's pov when it's Ben's! xD and no one told me! But i fixed it already x3 And I think that's because I read another Brusnop where there's danny's pov all the time 😝 so I'm sorry! Love you guys :) sorry for the short chapter but there will be two today again :3

I felt numb at Danny's words. What the fuck happened.

"What do you mean, Danny?"

"I mean that we were fucking making out, Joel and James saw it. James just laughed but Joel was pissed off, he's not gonna be in a band with 'fucking gays' and stormed out. Then James started talking to us and I said that I don't know what's going on and made everything look like we're just reaaaally drunk and didn't know why we were doing. Cameron didn't even notice cause he was asleep like a stone already.Then for some kind of reason you got pissed off on me and took me outside. Then you fucking screamed at me basically for what I said to James. You were really angry so I got back inside and got James' permission go to to his house." He explained, hanging his head down.

I sighed and kneeled down in front of him sitting on the couch and grabbed his hands.

"I'm so sorry. I'm fucking mental when I'm drunk. You did the best and I was a prick to you." He took his hands out of mine.

"Stop it."

"What?" I said, stood up and hugged him. He pulled away again.

"I think we need to focus on the band." He said and took few steps back away from me.

"Yeah I know. We do!" I smiled.

"You don't understand." Danny sighed.

"Then tell me" I winced.

"Forget about this gay bullshit already! We have a band we will fucking destroy everything with ridiculous shit!" He shouted.

It felt like my heart dropped to the ground.

"I can clearly see you don't love me so cut that fucking thing and move on, cause I already did." he added. I want to focus on our career." He said and left James' house.

I sat down on the couch.

I didn't know if I love him even few days ago. But each minute with him made me love him. I love him now and he can't see...!

I put my face in my hands and tried to think. I didn't know what to do. Danny said he has moved on. So I can't do shit about it...

Few tears slipped into my hands. I mean he's still my friend... I think. I don't know if it's even possible now. I whipped salty water out of my face and headed home alone.

I shut the door behind me looking down all the time. I see others feet and look up.

My heart stopped.

"What are you doing here?" I growl.

"Settling score."

"How the fuck did you get in my house, Michael?"

"You left the door open, prick."

"Whatever. Do what you want, I don't care."

"What, you're gonna give up like that emo pussy?" He laughed.

"I don't give a shit, Michael! You're a fucking bug under my skin!!!" I screamed at him.

"It won't give me satisfaction if you give up..." He said and got closer.

"Fuck off."

"Better." He smiled and got closer. "What is that face anyway, did your best friend leave you? Or lover? How should I call Danny-Cunt..?"

No one could piss me off more.

And now he's crawling on the floor in pain.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?!" He screamed and spitted blood streaming into his mouth from the nose.

"Get out of my house." I said and opened the door. He wouldn't move so I grabbed him by his clothes and dragged him out and throw him on the ground.

"I'm not gonna be that patient next time I see you." I warned him and got back inside. I looked around and didn't know what to do with myself. I tried to watch tv, play guitar or playstation. But I still felt terrible.

I felt hurt, I felt angry, I felt sick. I felt like vomiting. I got upstairs and washed my face with cold water. I still felt sick. I had a hangover, too.

I looked in the mirror.

I guess you're not good enough.

And stupid.

Stupid enough to think that way.

What was I fucking thinking?!

I'm a straight man. Why would I love my friend? It went way too far.

But I still felt bitter under my tongue. That sickness seemed to never go away. I bent over and throw up.

After around 10minutes a I backed the wall and breathed calmly.

I'm not gonna cry like a bitch over him...

I should've seen this coming.

But he's right at one point. We need to focus on our careers.

You won't stop thinking about him.

I know.

But I need to cope with what I've done and with that I didn't make up my mind about him when he needed it. Now it's too late and he's over me...

I got up and crawled into the shower. Brushed my teeth and got dressed into black skinnies - like always and a black tank top. I went to my room and collapsed on my bed. I couldn't stop thinking how much I fucked everything up. I felt my phone buzz. I took it out and read the message.

Dan: I didn't want to be harsh about it, Ben.

I winced in mental pain kicking my brain and heart. I texted back;

Me: It's alright. I understand you cause you're my friend. And you're 100% right about the band.

It hurt to write 'friend' when he made me feel terrible not that long ago.

Dan: you're my best friend in the world and I'm scared that I fucked everything up...

This brought a little bit of smile. At least he still cared about our friendship.

Me: You didn't. No one can fuck our friendship up, even you or me! ;p

I was so happy he didn't call cause it wouldn't be easy to talk like this.

Dan: Thank you, Ben.

Me: I'm always here mate. When's the next practice?

Dan: idk, I'll text James in the evening. Probably tomorrow.

I put my phone back into my pocket and sigh. He did care about our friendship. That made me feel better, but not enough.

Then I reminded myself what I had.

I headed downstairs, grabbed it and went back upstairs. With that whiskey bottle swinging in my hand I played some music in my room and played along to it on my guitar, drinking by myself.