"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 35 -

I didn't feel the festival pass by me while I was sleeping in my bunk, sliding out to the bathroom or to take a drink when the bus was empty. Guys checked on me few times, I said that I need more rest every time they did. Apart from Danny. He was far away from any concerns about me, band or anything else. As far as I know he wasn't even on bus since he slammed that door behind him.... Yesterday? I didn't really know...

I was far away from crying. I actually felt nothing. I just wanted to drink and sleep all day. So I did. But I felt drinking wasn't just enough... I listened to music on my old iPod. I pressed the 'next' button and the song me and Danny both loved back in the UK. That made me feel really bad. I was on the verge of jumping out of my bunk to get drugs and groupies.

"Sam?" I whispered, but no one replied. "Sam?" I said louder, with a normal voice and it was kind of exhausting. Just speaking. This time I didn't get an answer, too, but I could hear tv in the back lounge. I sighed, slowly and slid out of my bunk. I walked slowly to the back and opened the door.

"Sam?"

"Ben!" He shouted and got up, throwing the game controller to Cam's lap. "You're up!"

"Yeah. I'm kind of... Sick of my own thoughts." I said down in an empty spot next to Sam's one.

"How are you?" Cam asked. "We've been worried about you."

"Without changes, really." I said. I knew they found out I'm not sick or anything, I really always played our shows, no matter what. And now I'm in my bunk for god knows how long. "I just have an urge to get high and I'm trying to resist." I confessed.

Then Sam's warm, big hug surrounded me and I felt myself shaking.

"You're gonna be alright, buddy." He rubbed my back. Now also cam put his hand on my shoulder and rubbed it.

"I'd like to think the same way, mate." I said, trying not to be a lady and cry. They were so sincere and caring. Best friends I could have in the world.

"Can you tell me now what's that all about? I see your mood changes, both of you and I'm not stupid. We all aren't." Sam said quietly.

"Where is Danny?" I asked, avoiding the previous question.

"He's out. Third day." Cam said. "We know he's partying with other bands. And he doesn't want to see or talk to us. " he shrugged.

"He hates me." I laughed, ironically.

"What? Why?" Sam asked.

"Because he's a selfish asshole. Not thinking about consequences. And without any empathy. There's only Danny, Danny, Danny. And Danny " i said. "I'm not saying that to make myself feel better but that's how it is when he's drunk." I said and guys just nodded sadly.

"Maybe we could invite some friends to the bus to make you feel a bit better?" Cam asked.

"Yeah it's a great idea!" Sam cheered. "If you want to."

"I think... I would like to meet some of these fuckers I haven't met here yet." I gave them a pale smile.

"Alright, it's getting late so go, have a shower cause you really need it and we'll call few people!" Cam laughed. We all did. Laughing was like feeling a sun on my face after a year of winter. It was great.

I took a shower, got ready and looked i the mirror. I didn't look any better. I only had fresh hair and didn't smell bad. My face looked terrible. I had red cheeks, puffy eyes, they were almost purple, like I didn't sleep for few days straight. When I slept all the fucking time. I was pale and my hands were still shaking. They never stopped, not even until the party. People started to gather and they all greeted me. I felt like they treated me specially, like with a little, fragile child. But I didn't mind it. Their presence and sincerity meant world to me. I downed few drinks when I had an opportunity and I started feeling hazy.