"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 34 -

I was really nervous. But as soon as I walked onstage with guys by my side I felt amazing. I saw fans in front of me, closest friends behind me and the most beautiful, handsome lover next to me. He ran up to me and kissed my cheek, I smiled, hearing people cheer.

After the show we got back to the bus to have some rest. Guys went to the Memphis May Fire bus. I went out of the back lounge heading to get another drink. Strong arms pushed me and pinned to to the wall. I tried to push the power away but I smelled a similar fragrance of cigarettes, whiskey, cologne and his own. I breathed it in, giggling at him sliding his face into the crook of my neck.

"I can't stand the whole day without this." He mumbled, smelling me and planting kisses on my neck.

"It's a hard thing to do." I admitted.

"It's an impossible thing to do." He whispered and raised his head up to stop an inch away from my face.

"I want you so badly." He whispered and kissed me needly. I kissed back with a crazy passion as my answer to that. I slid my hands under his shirt and caressed his back. He mover his from my hips to my ass and rubbed it. I sighed in pleasure and sucked into his neck. I gave him a huge hickey and smiled to myself, now he'll have to hide it, not me! We stopped kissing but kept our lips together, just smiling. I sighed once again and touched his cheek.

"I really want to tell everyone. I'm so incredibly happy with that I can say I'm yours and you're mine and I feel like it's gonna slip away if we hide it..." He murmured with a deep hoarse.

"We can't. Let's wait util the next album, alright?"

"Next album? Benj, it's gonna take forever!" He said with a little bit of panic in his voice, backing away from me. I grabbed his wrists to keep his hands on me but he took them away with a disappointed look.

"No, it's gonna go really fast! Let's enjoy some of the privacy when we still have it..." I pleaded and tried to bright up the situation.

"But I can't stand this hiding all the time!" He screamed at me.

"Danny calm down! Someone could hear!" I whisper-shouted, pressing my fingers to his mouth but he slapped my hand away.

"Why are you like that?! You said you loved me since the very beginning and now you act like that!"

"Danny please understand...!" I started but he pushed me so that I hit the wall with my head and back and when I opened my eyes his face was an inch away from mine and he was really pissed off. I should have never started that conversation when he's that drunk.

"Do you love me?" He growled.

"I do." I whispered, scared of him. He's never been violent towards me...

"I think you don't." He said.

"I do! What are you talking about?! I just don't want our friends to abandon us, we have to take this slowly, Dan!"

"I'm enough of waiting." He whispered but it was like it came out of his stomach - low, scary. He turned away to go, but I grabbed his hand. I felt something push me. I looked up at Danny in shock.

Did he really punch me?

He looked at me with anger but within few seconds it turned into fear and regret. I touched my lip and saw blood on it.

He really just fucking punched me!

I looked up again to see him leave. I felt like something kicked my insides and it really hurt. I couldn't tell if that was just that mental pain or physical.

We're guys. I can understand anger and the urge to punch someone sometimes. But he didn't say 'sorry'. He didn't even looked like that. That regret in his eyes was regret of ever getting close to me.

I did everything to hold back my tears. Was this all really only about telling everyone? About his hurt ego? This is fucking ridiculous. He's so fucking unstable!

I guess I'm lucky he didn't knock me out like some of the dudes in the bar he used to have fights with from time to time. I stood up, stumbled to my bunk and crashed in it. I grabbed my hair and pulled it in frustration.

Why do I fuck everything up all the time?!

I sobbed without tears. I rolled over to hide my face from the world.

I fell asleep and didn't know for how long. I didn't look at my phone or anything. I didn't go out. I slept all the time. Something would wake me up now and then but I just closed my eyes again and drift off. I felt drained, useless and depressed.

Is this gonna end like that? We've been really together for such a short time and we're already.... Falling apart?

Thinking about this hurts. I winced in pain in the darkness. I heard voices in the front all the time but didn't pay attention to them until my ears cached my name. Then I heard footsteps getting closer an my curtain move away a little.

"Buddy?" A hand rubbed my arm when Sam asked. "Ben?"

"Hm?" I mumbled.

"Are you alright, mate? You're sleeping since yesterday. It's over 24 hours now..." He said, worried.

"I'm alright, Sam." I said quietly as I turned to look at him. I wanted to assure him I'm okay by a little smile but his face turned into even bigger worry.

"Ben you look terrible." He whispered so that only I could hear him. "You're really pale and... Have you been crying?" He asked, squeezing my arm. I looked away, feeling insecure. I guess I did when I was asleep. I wouldn't be surprised at all, I've been dreaming nightmares about Danny. Mostly just that scene repeating in my head.

"It's gonna haunt me to death..." I whispered, shakily.

"What?" He asked with bigger - again - concern.

"I just can't take it anymore. Please tell them I'm sick, I'm not playing the show tonight." I said, looking at him again.

"It's a big stage tonight..." He said. "Are you sure you two can't talk about it?" He asked just to make sure. I turned my back on him to face the wall.

"Try to talk to this drunken piece of shit." I growled, angry at Danny again. That's all I had right now. Anger, bitter and sadness.

"Alright, I'll tell them. Can I get you anything, Ben? You haven't been eating or drinking all this time..." He asked. I shook my head 'no' and he squeezed my shoulder again to make me feel better before he disappeared. I listened closely to hear them. I could hear only pieces of the conversation.

"He's not feeling well, guys, ........, we have to move this show."

"What the hell? ........ And he's always playing even when he's sick!" Cameron said.

"It's a big stage, ................, lucky as always I guess." James said but he wasn't angry, neither was Cam, they seemed concerned, like Sam.

"..............."

"..........-u sure he's alright?"

"Yeah. Just give him some rest." Sam said.

"......-uck this." I heard Danny and our bus door slammed behind him, apparently leaving.

I buried my face in the pillow and I wasn't sure if i was already crying or my cheeks just burned from the previous streams of sadness.

He doesn't care about me at all. He had what he wanted and everything was fine. When's something not like he wants it to be, he destroys everything on his way. And that appears to be my heart.

A/N: I was stuck on this one, sorry?