"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 29 -

I woke up in the most uncomfortable position ever but as soon as I sensed Danny's smell and his arms around me I didn't care how much my muscles hurt. I just smiled to myself and tightened our hug.

"You're shaking?" He said but it sounded like a question, i didn't know he was up so I looked up with a blush on my face.

"Really?" I said with my morning voice and noticed my hands were really shaking. "I don't know why." I looked around and I felt weird. We weren't laying in an uncomfortable position really... We just had a nap on the couch together and it was really comfy... I thought about it and noticed my muscle pain raising.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

I was fucking scared. Was that even possible? Right after Sam warned me how dangerous it was? Am I already addicted? If I wasn't already shaking I would start it now.

"What's going on?" Danny asked.

"I'm alright, don't worry." I said but I knew he didn't buy it.

"There's no one around, Benji. Please don't hide things from me." He asked sweetly. I looked at him in silence, scared of his reaction. I decided not to talk too much so I just opened my mouth and let the secret out of my lungs.

"I'm addicted to cocaine. I think."

Danny's eyes widened and he just looked at me. He checked on my hands shaking.

"It's probably because of that." I told him knowing he was thinking about it.

"When?" He asked quietly.

"I don't know. I found out now. I've been on drugs all the time so how could I know? And I'm clean since yesterday and it's getting bad." I felt terrible telling him that. "I need a mental fucking help and I let you down again..." I muttered.

"No, Ben! You need help but you're not letting anyone down. I'm... I'm scared that I'm addicted too... But I haven't been sober for long enough to check it. We're both in deep shit."

I backed away from him and just couldn't believe his words.

"Fucking coke." I whispered with shaky words.

"Ben... There's another thing I have to tell you, too." He broke our eye contact to look away in shame.

"What is it?" I asked, worried. I hoped he's not cutting again. That'd be terrible, after being strong for so long! But i didn't notice anything lately.

"When you didn't see that... I also did heroin. It started from morphine and I don't know how..." He trailed off. "And I'm scared about it too." He whispered the last part so quietly I could barely hear it. But I heard and thank god I was sitting cause I would fall to the ground.

"W-what...?" I whispered back in disbelief. He looked into my eyes again and he had fear in his.

"I don't know how did this happen, I'm drunk or high all the time and I don't even know what I'm doing!"

"I think I might know when,"

"When?"

"Right after the tour started, you behaved in a weird way sometimes." I said.

"I'm scared, Ben." He said.

"I am, too. Danny you know we can't do this anymore. We have to stop it with drugs, at least for some time. Because it's not too late, we're not.... Junkies yet." The last part was way too hard to say.

"I know. No drugs until we're completely clean." He said. I cupped his face I pulled it to my chest to hug. He hugged me back in complete silence.