"How can I save us?" - Brusnop

Chapter - 40 -

I winced. So I did fall asleep last night. I looked to the left and saw and empty bed. Where did he go? I sat up and rubbed my eyes. He wasn't on the couch and it was quiet everywhere. I cleared my throat and poured some water in my hangover body from the bottle that laid next to me. I got up and I felt fucking terrible, to be honest. I sighed and headed to the bathroom. Reflection in the mirror didn't look good, really. I rested my arms on the sink and stared into my own eyes. I widhed I could get into my soul, my memory and erased everything that's bad. I stripped and stepped into the shower. Hot water hit my body and it felt like cleansing from the amount of alcohol left in my body. I washed it and stood under the sream for countless minutes with my eyes closed and forehead rested on the wall. I heard the courtain move a little and some light slipped inside the shower. I grabbed the end of courtain and furiously covered myself with it.

"Sorry, babe. I didn't mean to scare you." He giggled. "I was just making sure you're here." He smiled and looked at me. I didn't say anything. "What's up with that?" He motioned to my hands gripping on the courtain around my hips. I just tried to breathe slowly and didn't even open my mouth to speak.

"Ben?" He tilted his head. "Are you alright?" He asked. I cleared my throat and tried to cover myself up a little more.

"You just scared me." I mumbled.

"I'm sorry." He said sweetly and took off his t-shirt. He undid his pants and droppe them to the floor.

"What are you doing?" I asked, watching his actions.

"Mind if I join in?"

I didn't reply, I stared at him and hoped not to look horrified. Maybe I was overreacting.

I don't care, I feel bad.

"Ben?" He asked, ready to take his boxers off.

"Let me take a shower." I said quietly.

"I can help you." He smirked and lowered his boxers one inch down.

"No."

"Why?" He winced.

"I'm not in the mood." He mumbled, looking away.

"What are you talking about? You're not a girl to be 'not in a mood', can you explain me?" He winced.

"Danny I just don't want you here!!! It's embarassing, I'm uncomfortable, can you please leave cause I'm fucking naked?!" I shouted with my hands shaking in frustration. All of the emotions disappeared from his face to leave only hurt. I realized how I made him feel.

"Danny I'm sorry, I'm having a really bad hango-"

"It's alright." He cut me off and put the courtain to the closed position.

"Danny..." I said his name, close to crying. He didn't answer, I only heard him leave the bathroom. I slid down the wall and buried face in my knees to let my tears go.

What have I done again? It's all my fucking fault. It's my fault that always something fucks up, it's my fault that I'm his biggest problem, it's my fault that... One-night girl means more for him than me.

I calmed myself down, turned off the water cause it went cold already and got ready. I said 'fuck off' to my wavy hair and just stumbled out of the bathroom. I turned to the right and I heard guitar playing in the 'living room' spot of our small hotel apartment. I slowly walked in and saw Danny sitting with his back on me, playing and singing. Singing the song I read lyrics for last night. His voice was different. Shaky, sad. Was he...? He tried not to cry. I listened through the whole song. Well it was only two verses and chorus so far. But... I had tears in my eyes.

"Danny?" I said quietly and sat behind him afraid to touch his arm. He didn't turn around, he just sat frozen with tensed muscles. I saw his hands going up to dry his tears.

"I wrote this song for you." He said quietly, anxious and scared.

"What?" I whispered, shocked.

"Do you remember that show in Memphis? I realized how much I loved you all this time and saw how perfect you are. I couldn't get my eyes off you. You sang every word, smiling and with those happy eyes and when you looked into mine... I knew it's forever." He said it slowly, like it was too hard to form into words.

"I thought..." I started and he turned around. "I read those lyrics last night."

"What?" He tilted his head. His eyes were red and puffy, sad and shining from the tears.

"I read them and thought you were talking about this girl... That I fucked everything up and you're with me not to fuck up the band." I looked down.

"Ben!" He shouted. I looked up at him and couldn't really recognize the expression on his face. It was shock, it was a little bit of irritation but mostly hope. And happiness. He threw his arms around me and hugged me tightly. "You're so fucking stupid!!! Of course I love you and this song is about my bests and worst in life...! And you're my bests." He shouted, but whispered the last sentence right into my ear. I started shaking and hugged him back.

I am so fucking stupid!

"I almost destroyed fucking everything!" I sighed into his chest with relief.

"No. It's not it. After all of this, you still don't believe me that I love you madly. Eternally. Please, you have to know that otherwise there will be more misunderstandings!" He ran his fingers through my hair and buried his face in them.

"I had no idea being with you would be so hard." He kinda laughed. "Not in a bad way, I just never expected it would take so much effort. But every time something fucks up I realize I love you more and more every single day."

I snuggled into him as close as I could, almost feeling his heartbeat on my own chest.

"I'm so sorry for behaving like a bitch." I laughed through tears.

"I love you, you stupid fuck. Can you just tell me anytime you have any doubts? Please?"

"I love you too. I'll do."

"Promise me?"

"I promise." I said and he raised my chin to kiss me. It was amazing. His lips were everything I've ever wanted.

"Will you finish the song with me tonight after our show?" He asked me with his lips still close to mine, our breaths tangling in this short space between us.

"I will." I whispered.

He kissed me again and we cuddled in silent peace until guys came to get us. Cause we had a show to play tonight.

A/N: updating at school, people snooping around, that was risky

Lol

Love you! Xoxo