Phan Oneshots

If you love someone...

I'm not sure but it's kind of angsty. Not like anything extreme. Like there is no depression or talk of anything triggering. ( I think, if there was please tell me so I know ) It has a happy ending. kind of spoiler but.... 

Summary: Phil let Dan go, and he couldn't of been more stupid than that idea. 

Phil POV

If you love someone, let them go....

I've messed up. I've messed up so,  so , bad. I had him and that should of been all I needed. I got to have him all to myself in the late hours of the night and the dawn of the day, watching his tired eyes strive to stay open just a little longer. I got to have him in my arms on the couch, in line for coffee, the movies, in my bed with his arms wrapped around me as well. I got to have my hoodies and pillows smell like him. I got to comb through his tangled hair and watch him try and act like he was annoyed with it. Now I sleep alone, clutching a pillow to my chest. Some of them still smell like him. Now I sit on the couch channel surfing in silence, with a pile of blankets on me to try and feel as warm as it did when he cuddled me. It never works. I don't go out to coffee shops, I can't stand in that line without hugging myself and practically seeing him still leaned up against my chest. Why did I ever let him walk out that door? Why didn't I go after him? Why, why why? 

Dan is everything to me and yet, I let him go. I let him walk away. Without complaint. And now I can't sleep, eat, or socialize. I can't watch the shows I like without him. I can't bring myself to eat his favorite cereal. I'm barely living. Everything in my life had become about him, and only him. I can't delete the pictures of us and even went as far as to print them out and frame them in the living room. 

"I think I want to do this Phil.  My piano skills are rusty though." 

The thunder outside shakes the house, and I reach for Dan on autopilot before I can stop myself.  Dan had the most beautiful music and was magic on the piano. I used to help him through storms by having him sit on my lap at the piano bench and teach me to play some things. I had to cover the piano up with a sheet so I didn't break down crying every time  I walked past it. 

"Yes I might have to travel but that doesn't mean I will never be here. I probably won't even get in."  

"You are amazing. You will surely make it, or they weren't listening."

"But I will have to practice so much and the auditions are so soon and-" 

"Do you want to do this?" 

"I don't know."  The anxiety in his voice made my heart ache. I had put my hands on his shoulders and stared into his eyes. I couldn't decipher if he was sure about this or not. 

"Well start practicing."

"Phil, I am never going to be able to practice as much as I would need here and I wouldn't be able to concentrate you distract me."  

For some reason, this stung. I know he didn't mean it in a way to be cruel, but I just....hurt.

"Well practice somewhere else than." 

I hadn't meant to be so crude but it had come out that way. He had ignored it and yet took the advice. Everything was fine until I found a flyer for the auditions.

"PARIS! You would have to possibly move to Paris, if you got this?" 

"I was going to tell you, Phil, I swear!" 

"When?! When you were packing to leave?" 

"Phil, no..." 

The rain outside tapped a steady rhythm on the window. I cried silently and stared at my open laptop that was on Dan's Twitter page. He looks so beautiful, he's always looked so beautiful.