Phan Oneshots

The Grinch

Idk Bruh
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Dan is at the end of his rope. His left eye is twitching, hands in fists and smoke is practically steaming out of his ears.

"Philip Lester I swear to GOD, if you don't stop...." He threatens, closing his eyes and taking calming breaths. As he opens them, any sort of positive effect that the breathing brought disapeared at the sight of the thirty year old man in a santa hat and beard, red pajama pants and a jumper that states 'Santa gets all the Ho's.', grinning at him with mischief. Dan likes Christmas, sure. Christmas spirit is cool and all.....but Phil's Christmas spirit is too much. November fifth, the tree was up. By the eighth the tree was about to cause a blackout of their whole apartment building. The twentieth is when Dan could not sit without being covered in tinsil or mistletoe, glitter of some sorts. December first is when Dan was finally starting to lose it. All he hears is Christmas music, and usually the same one is played on repeat at least three times. If music isn't on than it is a Christmas movie. All those 'classics' that make Dan want to slam his head against the wall repeatedly. Not to mention the fact that almost every end of every sentence that comes out of Phil Lester's mouth is 'Ho Ho Ho'

"Danny! I will not stop until you prove me wrong."

December first was bad but was nothing compared to December second. That is the day that it started. Phil started following Dan around and singing 'You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch'. Not only that but he would say the most rediculous things, for example, "You keep this up and you will not be able to cut the roast beast.'

It is Christmas eve and not only did Phil start serenading him with that stupid grinch song again, but he also kept quoting Snoop Dog every chance he got when he wasn't harrassing Dan.
'Twas the nizzle before Christmizzle and all through the hizzle.... not a creature was stirring. Not even a mizzle.'

"You're a foul one, Mr. Grinch, you're a nasty, wasty skunk, your heart is full of unwashed socks, your soul is full of gunk, Mr. Grinch."

"Lester, I'm warning you." Dan said, taking a tentative step back as Phil sang, in that god awful impression of cindy loo hoo, and walked towards him.

"The three words that best describe you are, stink, stank, stunk!" Dan fell into a sprint with Phil close behind.

"You're a monster MR GRINCH!"

"That's out of order you dolt!"

"Your hearts an empty hole, your brain is full of spiders, you've got garlic in your soul."

"What does that even mean?" Dan yelled frustratedly as Phil managed to catch up to him trap him against the wall.

"That you have no heart or brain or soul."

"That is not what that means."

"Iiiii think it is."

"Iiiii think it's not."

"It not not is."

"It is not not not is"

"Now that doesn't make sense, you can only double negative not triple."

"Oh for goodness sake! Let me go you deranged santa!" Dan said pulling off the santa hat and beard.

"Dan, could you be any more clueless."

"Fuck off! What's that supposed to mean. You make no sense."

"I have been stratigically planning this since october and I did not do all of that just for you not to notice." He says it matter of factly, caging Dan's head with his hands on the wall on either side of him. He leans in is smirking. It's aggrivating Dan. (It's turning him on, and that's why it is so aggravating.)