Phan Oneshots

Priorities

idk. I was doing a bunch of quizzes on line (100% on eight and a 98 on one because I read the stupid question wrong) and this came to me b/c like this will be my main thing for a significant other.

"What is Harry's owl's name?"
"Uhh, hedwig?'
"What house was Cedric Diggory in?"
"Hufflepuff."
"In which Deathly Hallow movie did Ron Splinch?"
"Splinch. What? I uh"
"I have to go bye!" 

Phil rushed out the door as fast as he could before his date caught up to him. He waved down a cab and jumped in right as Richard was running out. He kept his head strait and didn't look at him as the taxi passed. Phil let out his breathe and called Louise,
"C'mon, pick up pick up pic- Oh Hi Lou."
".....You ran away again didn't you? Philip Lester!"
"What!" He replied defensively, "He wasn't my type!"
"By that you mean he couldn't answer your impossible Harry Potter questions?"
"They aren't impossible! You just have to know Harry Potter."
"Know you have to be obssessed, like you."
"I prefer the term, actively involved."
"Obssessed."
"Well I can't date someone who can't have a full on Harry Potter conversation with me!"
"Fine! Be alone forever, see if I care."
"Well if you find someone who likes Harry Potter, Lou...Lou? You hung up on me didn't you? You hung up with me okay."

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"Harry Potter's quidditch number."
"How would I know that?"
Phil closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, he will let that slide because he is cute.
"Okay, how about...Ron Weasley's favorite team?"
"Can we talk about something other than- Hey!"
Phil is out of there in six seconds flat, and dials up Louises number."

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This one had actually done well so far, with easy questions, and he is cute. But Phil is bringing out the hard guns.
"Who was the first person to escape from Azkaban?"
"Serius Black."
"No it isn't actually. Someone escaped years before him, but no one found out till years after."
"No it's Serius Black!"
Phil gave him a black look that screamed, 'try me bitch', and got up. "This was fun, I have to go." 

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Three weeks and four more failed dates later, Phil is, again, interrogating a poor, hot, boy.
"What is Serius's brother's name?"
"Uhm, it's like, Reginold or something." Phil cringed and asks him a few more questions, until he sees a free cab outside. "Bye!"

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"Phil Lester open this door!"
"Phil is not home right now, please leave a message after the beep... 'beeeeeeeeep'."
"I will break this door down."
"You're paying for it."
"I most certainly will not!"
Someone chuckled that was not Louise.
"You want me to let you in with a stranger? I'm in my pajamas!"
"Oh, it's just my cousin, suck it up."
Phil groaned and looked down at his attire. Marvel boxers and a big pokemon T-shirt. "Fine, whatever, I'll let you in."
He unlocked the door and turned around, making Louise do it herself.
"Wow! Such a gentlemen."
"If you are here to set me up with another guy, I am kicking you out."
"But this one is REALLY good! I promise."
"You said that about the last three. Look I don't need a relationship, why is this so important to you?" He asked throwing himself down in a recliner and throwing her a glare. "Hello." He said to the, might he mention, hot cousin.
"Hey" was the man's reply, his hands in his jean pockets and leaning against a wall.
"You guys can sit."
"I will not sit!" Louise shouted as the man found a nice piece of couch to lounge and watch in amusement. "I don't want you to be alone forever, and being lonely."
"I wont be. I will have plently of dogs!"
The cousin barked out a laugh and only laughed harder when Lou glared at him.
"That's Dan by the way."
"Phil."
"You are.....Phil-arious."
There was silence. Then when Lou face palmed Phil started cackling.
"Okay Okay! Shh you dorks!" They bit their lips to stop the laughter and tried to listen to her.
"I am going to arrange the date and by the time I get back here, you best be dressed, fresh, and ready to NOT run away!"
"Wait am I going with...you, guess not." Dan said as she slammed the door shut.
"What if you say I was arrested while I hide under my bed?"
"And what would you be arrested for?"
"Uhhhh, a crime I didn't commit. I am being framed and She needs to come save me."
They laughed as Phil got up and stretched.
"How many of these things has she made you do this?"
"Too many for me to count."
"Why haven't they worked?"
"They do not meet my standards, I have priorities that must be met. No exceptions."
"Which are?"
"....., Would you like something to drink?"
"Nah, but I will take an answer." He shot back.
"Okay okay! They need to be able to answer all of my Harry Potter questions and then if they pass that then I can attempt to you know, date them I guess."
"How hard of questions we talking here?"
"They seem easy to me."
"Well you have posters of Harry Potter quotes around your house, so I would assume you know a lot."
He shrugged and sat down on the couch, five feet apart cause they're not gay.
"Maybe you are just too scared to commit to a relationship."
"What are you? Doctor Phil."
"God no I like my hair." He runs his fingers through his hair, curling it some more.
"Anyway, I just mean, maybe you make the questions harder so they can't answer so it won't be, you know, like real.
"They aren't that hard!"
"I bet I could answer them."
"Okay, maybe they are a little hard."
"No seriously, hit me."
"Okay," Phil cleared his throat, suddenly remembering how cute Dan is. "We will start easy."
"The oldest Weasley?"
"Bill"
"What is Hagrid's dogs name?"
"Fang."
"The three headed one?"
"Fluffy."
"What's his half brothers name?"
"Grawp."
"Hermione's Patronus?"
"Otter."
"Ron's favorite quidditch team?"
"Chuddley Cannons."
"Ron's middle name?"
"Bilius"
"Ginny's full name?"
"Ginerva"
"First person to escape from Azkaban?"
"Barty Crouch Jr."
"How?"
"His mother was sick and so was he and her final wish was to let him out so Barty Sr switched them."
"Serius's brothers name?"
"Regulus."
"Quidditch world cup, who was the two teams and who won?"
"Ireland vs Bulgaria. Bulgaria caught the snitch but Ireland won."
"Dumbledore's mothers name?"
"Kendra."
"Sister's?"
"Ariana."
"Who killed her?"
"No one knows, but Aberforth blames Albus which he totally has a right too."
"Who is Winky."
"The Crouches elf who got fired because Barty Jr framed her for the dark mark."
"Peeves?"
"The poltergiest that should of been in the movies but were not in a single one."
"Who did Harry take to Slughorn's party?"
"Luna."
"Who did Hermione take?"
"Cormac, to make Ron mad."
"What did the Mauraders call Snape?"
"Snivillous."
"Voldemort's real name?"
'Tom Marvolo riddle."
"What horcrux did Hermione destroy?"
"Hufflepuff cup."
"What gave Ron scars in the Ministry of Magic in the Order of the Pheniox."
"Some weird ass brains."
"What is the real title to the Deathly Hallows?"
"The tale of the three brothers."
"What's another story in there?"
"Bappity Rabbity and the Cackling stump."
"Whose mother is suspected of killing all her rich husbands but people keep marrying her?"
"Blaise Zambini."
"Who was missing in Goblet of Fire?"
"Bertha Jorkins."
"Who's patronus changed?"
"Tonks."
"what too."
"A wolf."
"What is Tonks."
"A metamorphugas."
"Whe is Teddy?"
"Lupin and Tonks baby."
"Which ear did George lose?"
"Left."
"By who?"
"Snape."
"Which spell?"
"Sectumsempra."
"Mad Eyes real name?"
"Alastor Moody."
"James Potter played what position in quidditch."
"Book chaser, movie seeker."
"Serius's middle name?"
"Orion."
"What did James dad do?"
"Ginny's first boyfriend."
"Micheal."
"How did book Voldemort die."
"Falling back and dying like the mere mortal he was, not turn to ash and fly away."
"What does Spew stand for."
"Okay I always get this one confused, either, Society for Elfish Welfare or Society of Elfish Wellbeing?"
"Wellfare. Where is Charlie?"
"Romania."
"Who is the head of the sports in the Ministry of Magic?"
"Ludo Bagman."
"Who is Viktor Krums headmaster?"
"Igor Karakoff."
"Your opinion. Is Snape a good guy."
"No. He came throught but one big good does not outshine the thousands of bad. He only did it for Lily and was willing to let James and Harry die just so Lilly could live. He called every other muggle born 'mudblood' but Lilly was 'different'. If Voldemort had picked Neville instead, Snape would never of come to Dumbledore. And speaking of Neville, Snape is his WORST FEAR! His own proffesor! Not Bellatrix, or his uncle who would put him in life threatening situations so he would show his magic, not any horrible beast or creature, his proffesor!" Dan ended in a huff. Phil thinks he is in love.
"So, Albus Severus?"
"Stupid. Albus claimed he cared for Harry and he might of a little, but he was just a pawn, a pig to the slaughter and Snape sucks."
"Teddy and Victoire."
"Ship it."
"Did you ship Harmonie or Romonie?"
"Romonie!"
"Book Ginny is everything!"
"She totally is, in the movie she has like three lines and shows no emotion."
"What did the movies not do at the very end before Harry breaks the wand?"
"Mends his own wand."
"Do you say Always or-"
"Till the very end." They said at the same time.
"Who were prefects that weren't in the movie?"
"Ron and Hermione."
"What's your house?"
"Slytherin."
"Hufflepuff."
"That's adorable."
"Harry's eye color?"
"Green, like Lilly's."
"Hagrids spider name."
"Aragog."
"When did he die?"
"Half blood prince."

"I am in love with you."
Dan laughed, "Easy tiger, take me to dinner first. Plus I need to ask you some serious questions about Pokemon."
They smiled at each other as Louise snuck back out of the house. She didn't plan that but if they ask, she totally did.
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I seriously will do this.
no joke.
You need to know about my life.