Heaven Help Us

Visit To Jinxx And Sammi's

Andy’s POV

I found myself becoming both restless and completely patient over the next two weeks, packing the things I knew I’d need, and actually calling the boys to hang out.

Being patient with people; socializing with the guys, or anybody I had formerly known before and while I was with Rain, outside of shows and tours, even fans; those things had become alien to me, but slowly, I could feel parts of myself start to kick through this bland shell of a personality that I had now and come back.

It was relaxing, in an odd way, and I didn’t know why it was happening.

I even found myself outside Jinxx and Sammi’s apartment on the day before we were to leave for tour again, knocking on their door.

I could feel how close I was to Rain; her house was just up the street.

Vaguely, in the back of my mind, I wondered if she or the little boy could see me standing here.

“One second!” I heard Jinxx call.

I smiled to myself as I heard quick footsteps and a few muttered words of “Come on, Beetle, stop being so goddamn stubborn!”

The door swung open, revealing a rather shocked Jinxx.

“Andy! Hey, man, what’s going on? Is everything alright?”

“Not much,” I said, ignoring his second question.

“Come in,” He offered after a moment of silence.

So, I followed him inside.

I looked around for Sammi, not seeing her anyway. “Sammi at work?”

“What?” He asked, putting Beetle away. “Oh, no. She’s with Dante and Rain, making sure Jepha has everything he needs-” Jinxx cut himself off, looking both apologetic and guilty.

“Oh. That’s..cool.” I said, for lack of better wording.

“Yeah…he’s a rad kid,” He moved around a little, searching for something.

“What are you looking for?” I asked.

“Uh, there’s a picture around here somewhere…” He moved some papers off of the table. “That Sammi and I just bought a frame for..”

I wandered around the apartment with him until I heard, “Aha!”

And Jinxx spun around holding a picture gently. “I’m gonna get the frame, that way we can’t lose it again.”

I went to sit on the couch and wait for him to return, which he soon did.

He sat next to me and showed me the picture proudly.

The picture showed Rain’s son with paint all over his…everywhere. There was multi-colored paint everywhere. The kid was a total mess. But he was grinning up at the camera, his blonde curls falling back a little with the angle he held his head. There were paint containers and brushes all around him, and set flat in front of him, you could see a painting full of twisted together colors, brightly reflecting the boy’s mood.

“Jeph was all over the acrylics that day. He wouldn’t talk to anybody but Rain and Gerard until he was done, and even then, the only reason he talked to Rain was because she’s his mom. He talked to Gerard because he had helpful tips every now and again, but he mostly sat next to him and watched him paint. Any time anyone else would try to talk to him he was all, ‘No, I’m painting. You’ll break my concentration. Go away.’ It was really adorable.”

I caught myself smiling at the photo.

“You know, it’s cute; he can play parts of Savior on guitar. He loves that song.” Jinxx looked all happy, so I forced a smile, despite the conflicts raging in my head.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He likes to sing along sometimes.”

“That is kinda cute.”

“He’s seen the BVB videos, dude. He thinks your hair is great and that you’re awesome; you’re, like, right up there with some of his favorite superheroes, man. One time he asked if he’d get to meet you, and none of us knew what to say. You know, because of you and Rain, and everything…”

I felt a pang of guilt. I don’t know why, but I felt horrible.

We sat there for a few minutes, Jinxx studying the photo fondly, and I was thinking about the upcoming tour.

As he set the picture on the side table, he looked at me. “Everything alright, man?”

“Yes,” I lied.

“Have you been taking your pills?” He asked.

If only he knew…I’d been out of my anti-depressants since a few nights before I got the phone call about the tour. I had taken them all in one go, drank until I couldn’t stand at all, and wallowed in five years of self-loathing and pity. Something I had done often. After the call, I decided not to do that again, so I didn’t refill the anti-depressant prescription, and I’d only had a couple of drinks.

“Um…Jinxx, dude, swear you won’t get pissed or something?” He looked wary, but nodded nonetheless. “I haven’t taken them since two nights before the new tour call. I…didn’t want to…feel anything anymore, so I drank everything I had, took all of my pills, and fuck if I know how I’m still alive.”

He stayed calm about it. “That’s not very good, Andy, but…okay. So why haven’t you gotten your prescription refilled?”

“I wanted to be sober. It’s gonna sound stupid, man, but I felt that if I didn’t get sober for this tour, at least, it would be the end of everything.”

“That’s not stupid at all,” Said a voice, walking through the door.

I looked up. “Hey, Sammi.”

“Hey, Andy. What’s up? I didn’t really expect to see you here. You’re not really…social anymore.”

“Yeah, well…”

“So, sober, huh? How’s Natalie handling that?”

“Yeah, sober…and…she doesn’t know yet. I guess.” I hadn’t really thought about Natalie in a couple of days…I didn’t really want to.

“That’s good. It’ll be good for you and the band. What brought that about?”

“Um, well, my parents are dropping by for one of the tour dates, is one thing.”

“Yeah, you haven’t seen them since…what was it? The Christmas right before you and Rain broke up?”

Her tone wasn’t vindictive, but it had an underlying hint of disappointment.

“Somewhere around there,” I replied, ignoring the pang of hurt in my chest.

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I kind of enjoy the whole 'double-update' thing....