Heaven Help Us

Would Have Been

“CC, if it’s you wanting to cuddle again, no.”

“It’s not CC,” I heard Rain say through the door.

“Oh. Oh, fuck,” I said, waking up a bit more. “One second!”

I heard a small laugh, and I stood up and opened the door.

“Hey, come on in,” I let her in and shut the door behind us.

She raised an eyebrow at me, and I looked down at what I was wearing. “Jeph has boxers just like that.”

I could feel my face get hot. “Um…”

“Anyway, Andy,” She began. “Uh, can I sit down?”

“Yeah, of course!” I was pretty thrilled to have her talking to me again. Civilly at that. “So, is…Jeph,” I paused at his name. I’d never said it out loud before then. Never. But it felt both nice and a bit forbidden to say. “Asleep?”

“Yeah, he crashed about an hour ago, but I wanted to make sure he was asleep before I came to talk to you.”

“I get that. What if he wakes up before you get back?”

“I’ll explain to him that I was talking to you, but he’ll bitch that I didn’t bring him along,” She smiled, toying with the rumpled sheet that were sitting on.

“He seems like a good kid,” I noted.

“He is. Really, he’s a sweet kid. Demanding, sometimes, but sweet. He loves Batman, you know,” She said, now smoothing out the bit of the sheet that she had been messing with.

“Really? Smart boy; Batman’s awesome. He must get that from you.” I grinned at her.

Her eyes met mine. “I guess. But he’s a lot like his dad.”

I felt like I was missing something. “Um, last time I asked this, it…didn’t go well. But, can I know? Who his dad is, I mean. You don’t have to tell me; it’s not my business, but…I was just wondering. I’ve been wondering for five years.”

“That’s…what I needed to tell you. Your parents and I kept in contact, actually…”

I didn’t get it. That wasn’t really an answer, was it? Why would my parents stay in contact with her? “Yeah?”

She nodded. “Yeah…they adore Jeph…he thinks they’re pretty awesome.”

“Huh. They haven’t said anything…”

“Well, you haven’t exactly called them every week, have you?”

“No, I guess not. So it’s my own fault; I know. But I’ve been really fucked up.”

“I know. Trust me, Andy, I know. I never let Jeph see the videos of you when you’re messed up. He only gets to see his hero; not the way his hero is when he’s drunk or high or surrounded by girls.”

I looked down at my hands. “I…I’m sober now. I got sober when I found out about this tour. I haven’t had any alcohol for weeks. Not a drop. And my anti-depressants are gone; I don’t need them anymore. I’ve been…happier without them and the alcohol. And the girls. They were distractions. But I haven’t done any of that since before this tour.”

I saw her hand slide into mine and my heart picked up its pace again.

“I’ve noticed. And you have no idea how much I appreciate it, for Jepha’s sake. It would destroy him to see one of his biggest idols like that.”

The thought of Jeph not liking me hurt. A lot. But I didn’t understand it.

“Can I meet him sometime? Like, not just watching him draw from afar during your shows or waving across the parking lot.”

“Yes. You can come around on Christmas. He’d love that.” She paused for a second. “I’d love that.”

“Okay, I will. I wasn’t doing anything anyway. I haven’t really celebrated my birthday or Christmas for a long time.” I confessed.

“Well, we’ll have to change that.” She smiled at me, and then frowned and looked away. “I really need to tell you something. It’s…you’re probably going to be upset, but I have to tell you or it’ll be so fucking unbearable.”

“Okay. I promise I’ll try not to get mad.” I offered a small smile. She looked exhausted, worn out, and a little depressed.

“Andy, I honestly can’t believe you haven’t connected it yet. It’s been five years since he was born.”

I knew she was referring to Jeph, but I didn’t get it.

“Um, okay?”

“Do you remember when I called you to ask if you wanted kids?”

“Yes…” I said slowly. “I can’t forget it. That’s when everything started to get fucked up.”

“His name is Jepharee Andrew Moore. It would have been Biersack if you’d been there to sign the papers.”

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...Next chapter is on its way because I'm a sucker for this part of the story.