Heaven Help Us

Son

My heart was thumping loudly in my chest. Was she saying what I thought she was?

“Jeph’s…Jeph is…” I stuttered.

“Your son.”

My son.

I had a son.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, trying to comprehend it. The only thing that came out was, “Can I see him? Now?”

She didn’t hesitate. “Yes. But…you should get dressed. It’s snowing. A lot.”

I wasn’t until we’d stepped outside, Rain’s hand still in mine, that I realized I had been crying.

I had felt them turning freezing cold the moment we stepped off the bus. She was right. It was snowing like a motherfucker.

“So, he’s…my son?”

“Our son; yeah.”

“Oh my god,” I felt so stupid. There were so many things that screamed, ‘Spawn of Andy!’ about him.

We walked over to DTY’s bus and I could feel my nerves building up. What if he didn’t like me up close? What if he didn’t want me to be his dad now, since I’d missed out on so much?

“Be very quiet,” She instructed before she opened the door. “We don’t want to wake anybody.”

I nodded fervently and stepped onto the bus with her. We carefully took off our shoes and set them by the door to dry off. We were at the far lounge end of the bus, which was where the door opened to. The bus was warm and had a really home-y feel to it. I could see a few toys on the couch, and a couple of painting next to the windows, and a few drawing hung up on the fridge. They were really good. Like, really good.

Some were abstract, some were definable scenes and objects.

Rain nodded her head towards the bunk area and I followed.

We tiptoed past the bunks and into a nice-sized room with a queen bed, and a door that was open slightly.

The room behind the door was dark, but I could make out the shape of an easel by a window, and a table full of art supplies. Next to the table was a bed that held a little boy-Jeph-who was sleeping soundly, his curly blonde hair falling in his face a little.

I stayed a cautious distance away, watching his tiny form sleep and his chest rise and fall softly.

Rain crouched near the bed and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

“Jeph,” She said quietly. “Jepha, baby, wake up.”

He began to stir a little. “What time is it, Mommy?” He asked groggily.