Recovery (Sequel to Been You)

Chapter 25: Oatmeal With Me

ELYSANDRA'S POV:

Once we get home - I mean, to Justin's house, Justin leads me into the kitchen, where I sit at the counter. Justin starts up the stove and begins searching for the ingredients he needs to prepare oatmeal. Box of oats in hand, Justin turns to me, saying, "Baby, prepare to be cheered up. I'm gonna make you the best oatmeal, we're gonna go up to my room to cuddle and watch Netflix, then I'm gonna cover you in kisses."

"Aw, Justin, you really don't have to feel bad. It's not your fault," I say. And I mean it. I really do not blame him. Yeah, I feel really shitty, but I really do not blame him. I kinda almost blame myself. I always let people put me down. I've never been strong enough to stick up for myself. I'd thought that since I'd had so many new friends at school and I have an amazing boyfriend now that I was somehow different. I thought that I was stronger and that's why things changed. But it's not. I'm still weak. I still let girls like Ashley get to me. And that's not even it.

Ashley has always been better than me. Pretty, skinny, blonde, popular, confident... She's always been everything that I'm not. And as if she doesn't have enough boys wanting to sleep with her, she has to go after mine, too. Any guy - both guys - that have ever shown me any affection have slept with her. Tyler, my first boyfriend, cheated on me with her. Now I find out that at the same time she was sleeping with Justin, the love of my life? Regularly? It's enough to break me, but I'm just barely holding it together. She's given Justin the one thing I couldn't. He probably just feels bad for me. I mean, it's not like he could dump me now. I'm staying at his house. His parents love me. It'd tear his life apart if he left me. But I bet he wants to. I bet he wishes he had Ashley as a girlfriend, perfect in every way and willing to give it up.

And now he's making me oatmeal for lunch, like I'm a kid, like I'm a responsibility. Hell, he's probably only dating me because he wants the me that I used to be before the accident. He's probably just waiting for me to become her again. She sounds amazing. She made all these amazing friends, has multiple attractive guys pining after her, and is comfortable with her sexuality. I live her life as if I'm her, but I'm not. The only person close enough to see that is Justin, but he's probably just waiting for me to be her again. I know he can't wait forever. I also know I can't lose him. Ugh, why can't I fucking remember anything!

"El?" Justin asks worriedly, as if he'd been calling me for a while.

"Yeah? Sorry. I just - I don't know," I excuse.

"Hey, it's alright. I just wanted to tell you that your food's almost ready. What do you want to drink?" He asks gently. A freaking juice box for the kid you're treating me like.

"Water is fine," I answer. He grabs a water bottle out of the fridge and sets it on the counter in front of me. He grabs a bowl and ladles a serving into it, setting it next to the water. As he starts preparing his own, he makes conversation.

"So, my parents took Jazzy to the mall, so she won't be able to steal you away from me until later," he muses.

"Really?" I ask, much more attentively. This could be good.

"Yeah. I love her and all, but she's a pain in the ass. Especially now, I feel like we barely get any alone time," he says, sitting next to me with his oatmeal. Alone time? This could be really good. I quicken my eating, not bothering to respond. There's no time. "Woah? I gotta remember what I did differently this time. You seem to be really enjoying."

"So good," I get out in between bites to satiate his need to make conversation. Once I finish, I set my spoon down, accomplished. "Let's go upstairs," I rush. "Alone time."