Recovery (Sequel to Been You)

Chapter 77: Break The News With Me

ELYSANDRA'S POV:

The morning after Christmas, I'm laying in bed with Justin, and my entire body aches. Don't get me wrong, last night was amazing. But I'm suffering for it, now. Although various parts of my body hurt, the worst pain is in the pit of my stomach. Today's the day. I've known for a few days, but I've kept the decision to myself under the guise of not wanting to ruin Justin's holiday. But Christmas is over, so I no longer have an excuse to not tell him. Today's the day I have to tell him, and his reaction is the scariest thing in the world to me, right now. I pray that he stays resting peacefully for as long as possible, but unfortunately, he does wake eventually. I swallow hard.

"Good morning, beautiful," he smiles, kissing my cheek. I smile awkwardly.

"Morning, Justin," I attempt. I can tell from his expression that he knows something is off. I feel nauseous.

"What's wrong, baby? Did you not like last night?" He asks, concerned.

"No, that's not it... We need to talk," I say, sitting up. He furrows his eyebrows, his concern deepening. He sits up as well, putting an arm around me.

"Babygirl, what's wrong?" He asks, making tears well in my eyes. "Hey, hey, don't cry. You can tell me," he soothes. I choke back tears, as I get out of bed, still nude.

"Um... let's get dressed. We can go for a walk," I suggest.

"Baby, please, just tell me? You're scaring me," he denies. I look to the heavens, praying for guidance. I feel vulnerable and exposed, so I reach in my luggage for a dress, before I take the dive and tell him. I pull it over my head, take a deep breath, and then speak.

"I can't have this baby," I exhale, tears streaming down my face.

"What?" Justin asks, almost inaudibly.

"I'm not ready to be a mom, I- I just can't do it, Justin," I sob. He gets up from his bed, scrambling over to me, taking me in his arms. The guilt weighs on me even more.

"Hey, baby, you don't have to do this alone, okay? I'm here, I'll help whenever you need it. Don't be scared. We're gonna be a family," he comforts, yet I feel everything but comfortable.

"Justin, I can't do it! Like, at all! I can't have this baby!" I sob. "My appointment is for tomorrow," I mumble. Justin pulls away, hurt.

"El... you're really doing this?" He asks unbelievingly. I nod, guilt consuming me. "But... it's our baby."

"I'm sorry, Justin. I just... I can't. I love you, but I can't." He completely releases me from his hold, rummaging through his drawer until a pair of shorts surface. He pulls them on before resuming the conversation.

"Ely, I... I can't believe you would do this... to us," he weeps, tears forming. "I... can't... shit. This hurts so much. Look, I... I can't be with you after this," Justin stutters through his tears.

"I know," I cry, sniffling. "I'm gonna go stay at my Tía's until tomorrow. I'll walk to the clinic and uber back to school. I'm really sorry, Justin. I totally understand," I get out before finally breaking down.

"I'm not gonna let you walk, El. I still love you, I'm just... I need space," he struggles to explain. "I'll take you to the clinic, and you can still ride back to school with me, I- I'm just too hurt for anything else, Ely."

"I know you're hurt. Which is why I can't let you take me to the clinic. That's... that's such a horrible thing to do," I attempt through my tears, but I doubt it's coherent.

"Ely, I'm taking you to that appointment. As bad as I'm hurting right now... you're the most important thing to me. I'm gonna make sure you're alright," he asserts. "Now, don't fight me on this." I nod in a small manner. "Alright. Now I'm gonna go shower," Justin states before leaving me in his room. Once I'm alone, something inside me snaps. I cry, and cry, and I can't stop. I use a pillow to muffle my screams, but the tears keep flooding. Eventually, Justin returns in a towel. He walks over to me, and just holds me, not saying anything. He just rocks me back and forth, but that's enough to soothe my violent bawling to a soft weeping.

Once I eventually stop, Justin leaves to go to the park to ice skate. I lay in silence and darkness in his room, not wanting to see, or hear, or feel anything. I spend the whole day this way, not even coming downstairs for dinner, telling Ms. B I feel sick. I feel bad, but the pain of losing Justin is just too much.

When Justin finally returns to his room, which he hasn't all day, I scramble to get out of his bed. I think to grab pajamas from my luggage, but I remember that I don't have any. I assumed I'd be sleeping in Justin's shirt or nothing at all. Damn, was I wrong. I guess I'll be sleeping in this dress. I start to leave, but Justin asks, "Where are you going?" His voice lacks any emotion or sympathy at all. Ouch.

"Um, downstairs. I mean, I'd sleep in Jazzy's room, but I don't want her bugging you about it..." I mumble.

"El, you can sleep in here, I'm not gonna... Look. I don't want us to be on bad terms, okay. I love you. It's your choice at the end of the day, and I told you I wouldn't be mad at you. I'm not mad at you. I'm just hurt," he explains. He begins walking over to me, taking me in his arms. "I thought we were gonna start a family and... now we're not. It's a lot. But, I'm not mad. You don't have to walk on eggshells around me. You're still my best friend; this is still your home," he continues. "Understand?" He asks. I nod, before he pulls me into a tight hug. "Good. Now, let's get to bed. It's been a long day."