Knowing him... (Graythan AU) *ON HOLD*

Doesn't understand

Before you read, there's two things. One, there is self harm, so read with caution please. You have been warned. Second, I decided to make my OC Juavier a mute. That means he can't talk but he can still hear people talking. Just thought you should know so, if he did talk once or twice in a chapter, pretend he never did, I'll edit out the parts where he talked. So, enjoy.

Ethan's
POV...

Gray was sitting on my bed on his phone while I was putting on the phone case I got. I know right, but fuck it. Grayson had bought himself a cologne that he thought smelled nice. Then we bought some lunch at the food court. Which we both payed for. The case was kinda gay, but so am I. Or I'm just bisexual. Grayson was the full on gay, he told me, heh. I even told him, he didn't mind but he said 'As long as your mine and safe'. I shuffled over and sat next to him. He placed his arm around me and kissed my forehead. I snuggled into his touch and sighed in peace.

I lifted up my sleeve and saw the scars or the cuts that were healing slowly. I tensed up at the sight. My mouth was slightly open and I ran a finger over the scars and cuts. I started fidgeting and I teared up. I remembered the night I started cutting. I remember how I started. I remember why. I felt nacous and I was getting a blurry view.

.................

I groaned at the pain. I gasped for breath trying to keep it together. I looked down at my wrist and tears rolled down in regret, a few more won't hurt..

I pressed it down on my wrist once more and muffled my scream in a pillow. I felt violated. I felt weak. I felt like a coward, I could've just fought back. But no. I stayed a pussy and let him. Hopefully I'll man up from this..

................. 

Tears rolled down my cheeks. I was shocked. I did this to myself. I did this. Grayson hugged me tightly. I didn't hug back. I was still looking at my wrist. The more I looked, the more I remember the pain, the torment, the tears I cried each night. It was pure hell. Once I moved, I stopped. I was away from hell. I was away from him. I wiped my tears away with my sweater sleeve.

"You okay..?" Gray asks softly. I sighed softly and nodded. He kissed my forehead and rubbed his arm up and down my waist. How did I go from suicide to this? To him? I love him deeply, but I dont deserve this. Him. I don't. But Grayson doesn't care, he tells me I just need to know that I wanna move on from the past. Heh. I never even told him why I left New Jersey..

Another time.

We were at Pieology waiting for Juavier and Riley to show up. We were sitting outside at the little tables just talking. Then I heard a familiar brit from afar.

"Hey! Ethan, Bailey!" I hear Riley say while walking up with Juavier holding Riley's arm. He looks... shy. Like me.

"Hey Riley, Juavier." I say. Grayson has his head in his hands.

"Is no one gonna notice he just called me 'Bailey'." He says. Me and Riley laugh. Juavier stays silent for some reason.

"Ethan told me to say it when you weren't looking at the mall." He says and I nod in agreement. He scowls at me. I kissed his nose.

"Bad." I say and he sighs.

"So, let's go in?" Riley says, Juavier tightened his grip on his arm.

"Yeah let's go." Gray says and we walked in.

After we made our own pizzas, we got the drinks and sat outside with a nice breeze and sunset. Gray had his arm around me and my head was in the crook of his neck. Juavier hasn't said a word, but I didn't wanna be rude, maybe he's deaf? He was carrying around a pen and paper, I've noticed it from his back pocket. But, I was so curious, so I had to say something.