Tragic Magic II World Tour

Chapter Thirty Eight

My heart broke in a way it has never broken before. I've always been the one to say, "I don't need Ronnie, I'm fine without him," but now, oh my god do I need him.

Things were beginning to spiral down again. Andy was beginning to become verbally abusive to me. He kept me on a ball and chain, always watching me and keeping me by his side. He was extremely controlling, and I regretted ever falling into this trap. Ronnie wouldn't speak to me after we had that argument at the venue. The show went on like normal and we were all back on the two buses again, heading to Tucson, Arizona for the final show of the Rest in Space Tour.

I was forced back onto Crown's bus with the rest of the band as we travelled to Arizona over night. I was beginning to realize that Ronnie and I will never be together again, and it hurt so bad.

We were all hanging in the back lounge, trying to focus on the future. Everyone could feel my uncomfortable energy, and it made the whole band equally uncomfortable.

"So what happens at the end of this tour?" Hayden asks me.

"What do you mean?" I sit up in my chair.

"Are you coming back to Dallas or?"

"Of course she is," Andy butts in, "where else would she go?"

"Back home?" Dave suggests.

"With her ex husband?" Andy gives him a dirty look.

"Sorry, just a suggestion," Dave takes himself out of the conversation.

I couldn't focus on anything. I could only think about Ronnie, and how life will be without him. What do I do if I have to go back to Dallas with Andy? Have I lost Ronnie for good? I couldn't clear my mind of different thoughts of Ronnie. This hurt more than anything I could ever imagine.

"What are you thinking about?" Hayden notices my gaze drift into space.

"Oh, nothing," I say, shaking myself out of my thoughts.

"I wish you'd stop thinking about Ronnie," Andy finally says.

"I'm not thinking about-"

"Save it," he interrupts me, "I know you. I know your eyes and how they look when you think of him."

"Maybe we should uh," Dave gestures the band to the front of the bus.

As the rest of the guys empty the room I start to feel queasy. I felt sick all the way down to my core.

"Andy," I finally say, "why are you being like this."

"Being like what?" He calms himself down for the first time in the past few days.

"Controlling."

"I'm not controlling you, Juliet."

"You are, Andrew," I feel tears well up from anger and pain.

"Because I don't want you to leave?" He starts to raise his voice.

"Because you don't let me speak to Ronnie without a confrontation."

"You were married to him, Juliet, I don't want to see you run back to him like you always do."

"He still is my husband. We just lost a child. It's so hard to not run back to him," I let me tears go. If I cried any more on this tour, it'd be enough tears to fill the ocean.

"I could be your husband. We could have a child. I can be whatever you want. I just want you to run to me the way you run to him," he says in an unreasonably calm tone.

"I'm sorry, Andy, I need to just go to bed and think about this alone."

For the first time since I returned from my trip with Ronnie, Andy has left me to be by myself. I lied awake in my bunk for hours and hours thinking about what life could be like with Ronnie if we were a normal couple. We could have had our baby, lived in a little house with dogs and cats, and stayed together forever. But I just had to screw it all up. Everything was my fault.

I kept glancing at my phone, debating if I should call him. It was almost 3 in the morning, is he still awake? Is he thinking what I'm thinking? Probably not, the last time I saw him he basically said he hated me. I couldn't take it anymore. I picked up the phone and dialed his number.

"Ronnie," I say as soon as he picks up the phone.

"I got you a plane ticket back to Los Angeles for tomorrow morning. I'll be home the next day and I hope you and your things are gone when I get there."