Tragic Magic II World Tour

Chapter Forty Seven

There was always that little piece of me that knew the baby was TJ's but I couldn't accept it. I made myself believe he was Ronnie's but the timing just never made sense. I made myself believe TJ was evil and plotting to destroy my marriage. I didn't realize he was acting out of love.

"I think it's time for me to go home," he gets up off of the couch and starts to grab his things.

"No, TJ, wait," I grab his hand before he can reach for his keys.

"I told you!" He pulls away from me, "I told you and you never believed me."

"Because it was hard, TJ, it was hard for me to believe you. I just got married and I wanted my life to work-"

"You just got married?" He laughs, "you were supposed to be married to me. WE were supposed to make life work together. Not you and Ronnie. You took everything from me and the worst part is I loved you with everything I had while you loved someone else. Did you ever love me? Or was I just a stepping stone between you and Ronnie?"

"Of course I loved you, TJ, I still love you. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my life including Ronnie. I didn't want to believe it," I take a step towards him, "the timing just didn't make sense. We were still together when-"

"I know that," he takes a step back from me, "that's why I always knew. You never listened, I told you from the beginning but you always denied it."

"Because I needed you out of my life, TJ!" I regretted those words the second they came out of my mouth.

"Fine," he picks his keys up off of the coffee table and heads for the door, "that's all you had to say."

"Wait, TJ, I didn't mean-"

"Hold on," Craig catches TJ at the front door.

"Craig, why are you here?" TJ sighs and looks back at me.

"Because I'm sad. What's going on?"

"Why don't you explain?" TJ clenches his teeth and glances at me.

"Can you just talk to me TJ?" I begin to sob. I hated myself for the way I've acted the past few years.

"I'm sorry? I thought you wanted me out of your life."

"I didn't mean that! Just please come back."

"Can we talk first?" Craig asks. "I'll bring him right back when we're done, okay."

TJ gives Craig a look of spite and follows him upstairs leaving me alone in the living room.

I laid down on the couch and closed my eyes for an hour. I tried to think of something else but all I could think about was my baby in the casket. Ronnie didn't deserve to be there. He didn't deserve to be in my life.

Everything in me wanted TJ, but I denied it. I denied it so much, that on our wedding day I let him go. He was too perfect for me and I wanted him too bad, so I couldn't have him. I couldn't stand the sight of him, the way he'd make my stomach fill up with butterflies and my heart beat. His smile is what really killed me. I wanted him so bad but I felt like I could never have him.

"Your eyes are really pretty," TJ comes back and sits across the living room from me. "And your hair is shiny and the color is very nice."

"What are you doing, TJ?" I sit up and look at him. Dear lord he's gorgeous.

"Craig told me when I'm upset I should compliment you and then I'll feel better," he explains.

"Are you still upset?" I ask.

"Your nose piercing is better than mine."

"Oh, you're livid," I hold in my laugh, "come here. Let's talk about this now that you're calmer."

"I don't know what to say anymore," he takes a seat next to me on the couch.

"I'm sorry, TJ. I really am. I'm sorry I ruined our relationship, I'm sorry I hurt you, I'm sorry I lied."

"I was in love with you," he says, "I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you."

"I did too, I still do," I take my wedding ring off and set it on the coffee table. "I'm done with Ronnie. I'm done with Craig. I'm done with Andy."

"I didn't even get to see my son."

"I know," I sigh, "you can hate me forever for that one. I will try and make it up to you for the rest of my life but I know I can never fix that hole in your heart."

"I know what you can do," he glances at me with a bright gleam in his eyes.

"What?"

"Lets go tell Ronnie," he says.

"Tell him what?" I hold my breath.

"Everything you told me, then I'll know for sure that you're all in."

"And then what? Ronnie hates me and you-"

"I can give this another try. We can give this another try."

"Okay," I take a deep breath, "let me take a shower and then we can go."

"Yeah, me too," he stands up and takes my hand.

"You know," I stand up, "you can join me if you want."

"Oh no," he says, "I remember, you're the devil and I'm not about to burn in there with you."

"Fine," I begin to head upstairs, "guest bathroom is next to Craig's room."

After a long night and an even longer morning, it felt amazing to take a hot shower. I wasn't prepared to see Ronnie again. My heart felt so broken at the thought of seeing him. He was so manipulative in a way. He had this toxic hold over my heart.

Staying in our old house felt uncomfortable at times. I needed to do some major redecorating if I was going to stay here any longer. Seeing pictures of us together made me sick. I don't know what will happen after he is released from the hospital, I could be moving out soon. I don't know if I could go back home with TJ though. That house had so many memories.

"Yeah, I changed my mind," within no time at all TJ ends up in the shower with me.

"I knew you would," I laugh. I couldn't look at him without melting.

"Oh my god," he grins, "you are even more beautiful than I remembered."

"Don't make me kick you out of my shower."

"You wouldn't, you love me too much," he says.

"In that case, you better tell Ronnie we're going to be late."