Tragic Magic II World Tour

Chapter Forty Six

TJ and I spent the rest of the night talking and catching up with each other. Being with him again made me feel like I had been trapped in a hurricane and have finally been rescued. We stayed up way beyond a reasonable bed time and ended up falling asleep on the couch in the living room.

I had awful dreams that night. I could vividly remember the pain I felt at the last concert with Ronnie. I could see myself looking into the eyes of the shooter right before he shot Ronnie, right before he shot me. It was a horrible feeling.

I woke early in the morning to the sound of someone knocking at the door. TJ was passed out in the corner of the couch, so I got up by myself to answer the door.

"Craig? What are you doing here?" I answer the door to find Craig, who obviously hasn't slept.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah," I step away from the door, "TJ is sleeping on the couch, do you wanna talk upstairs?"

"Yeah," he says, closing the door behind me, "I'm glad you gave TJ another chance, that little dude loves you."

"I don't know if I'd call it another chance, we just had dinner and talked."

Craig and I headed upstairs to talk. I was exhausted and could barely keep my eyes open, but I knew he needed someone to talk to.

"So how are you feeling?" Craig and I sit on the edge of my bed.

"I don't know," he says, "I don't feel good. I figured you could understand me better than anyone else."

He was right. I had lots of experience with heartbreak.

"I think the hardest thing for me was learning to let go. I still haven't completely figured it out, but that's what I've been working on."

"Do you remember the first time Ronnie cheated on you and I came to pick you up?" He reminds me of the start of this awful story.

"Yeah, I do."

"Why did you forgive him?"

"I don't think I ever really did, Craig. There was always that pain in the back of my mind."

"Then why did you go back to him?" He asks.

"Because he made me believe things were going to be different," I say, "I felt like TJ and I weren't meant to be together and I wanted a way out. Ronnie was my way out, he's always been my way out."

"Ashley has been begging me to forgive her," he sighs, "I couldn't go home. I've been bar hopping all night, I'm exhausted. I didn't realize it would hurt this bad."

"My mistake was letting Ronnie back in. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but history tends to repeat itself when we don't learn from our mistakes."

"I don't know if I can do it by myself."

"You're not by yourself," I say, "you have me, you have the band, you have other friends and family. Only you know what's best for you."

"Can I stay here for a little while?" He asks.

"Of course you can, if you don't mine TJ's company every once in awhile."

I could use some company in this empty house. The more "roommates" I have, the better.

It was now seven and the boys were sound asleep. I let Craig have one of the guest bedrooms down the hall and he crashed out the second he walked in and saw the bed. TJ was still sleeping like a baby on the couch downstairs. Having them here made me feel okay. Things felt like they were going to be okay after all.

The sun was beginning to shine through my window and I wasn't ready for the day yet. I climbed into my bed and made myself comfortable. I was tired, but I couldn't go back to sleep. My mind wouldn't stop racing.

Why did I decide during my own wedding that I wanted to be with Ronnie again? How could someone do that to somebody? Where would I be now if I did marry TJ? Would we have pets and a big house? Would we have a baby by now?

It hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me like someone drove a bus carrying a load of bricks right into me. I threw myself out of bed and nearly sent myself flying down the stairs.

"TJ!" I lunge towards the couch to wake him up.

"Yeah?" He gives me a confused look and sits up.

"TJ I think you were right," I can feel my heart pounding inside my chest.

"Right about what?" His confusion turns into concern real fast.

"The baby. The baby was yours."