Tragic Magic II World Tour

Chapter Forty Three

I woke up later that night in my own bed. It was three in the morning and I thought I was alone; I wasn't.

I reached across the bed to feel for Ronnie. He was warm and inviting, but he didn't feel like Ronnie. I shimmied closer to him and rested my head on his pillow. He didn't smell like Ronnie either.

I was not alarmed by any of this. I was drowsy from pain meds and just wanted to be close to Ronnie. I figured after being in the hospital he would be different anyways. The only strange thing was, this difference was so familiar. It felt like I was sleeping next to an old friend but I couldn't remember. Laying close to Ronnie was so comfortable and safe. I felt like I could lay here for forever. Waking up the next morning made me realize everything.

I woke up by myself in our California King bed. I was a little more aware of my surroundings now that I was awake. It didn't make sense why Ronnie was home last night. He's still at the hospital waiting on surgery.

I heard a few voices downstairs talking. I couldn't remember who I invited into my house.

"There she is," Craig teases as I enter my kitchen. Escape The Fate was huddled around my kitchen island eating cake and drinking coffee.
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"We thought you were going to sleep in a little longer," Kevin adds.

"What are y'all doing here?" I ask, still confused about last night.

"We're making sure you're okay," TJ gestures to the open bar stool next to him.

"What about Robert?" I remember seeing him in the hospital room, clinging on to life.

"He's still gotta finish recovering. They got him pretty bad," Craig explains.

I wasn't sure how to respond to any of this. All I knew was I wanted coffee and I need to eat. I reached across TJ for the cake and that's when it hit me.

"What's up?" He reaches for the cake and slides it towards me.

"Can we talk in the other room?" Craig and Kevin give me a strange look.

"Yeah, sure," TJ hops off his bar stool and heads into the living room.

TJ was that familiar smell. He was that warmness. We were engaged once, I had to remember what he felt like.

"Was that you last night?" I ask, taking a seat next to him on the couch.

"Yeah, why?"

I scanned TJ's face and felt something I didn't want to feel, and he knew it.

"Don't be mad at me," he says, "you're the one who asked me to stay with you."

"I did?" I sit back and listen.

"You really don't remember? When you were leaving the hospital, you begged me to come with you."

Everything in me has been fighting for Ronnie since the day we met. Why is it so hard? Is this the way love is supposed to be?

"Listen," TJ gets up off the couch, "if you don't want me to be in your life, all you gotta do is tell me. But I don't think you want to do that, huh? I can tell by the way you look at me. You don't look at Ronnie like that."

"TJ, I just-"

"No," he stops me, "you need to think about it. Ask yourself, why am I still fighting for Ronnie? I mean, didn't he tell you he didn't love you anymore?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Think about it and you let me know."

I hated the way I felt. I hated the way TJ made me feel. I hated the way Ronnie made me feel. I hated it all. I hate being in love.