Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter twenty three: Love me when it hurts

Isa's pov

It was probably around midnight when I want back home. As I walked towards my apartment I spotted a sleeping Aaron in front of my door, I cautiously opened the door not to wake up neither Adaline nor Aaron. After laying down my baby I covered Aaron with a blanket.

I checked on the kids, brushed my teeth, took my shoes off and laid next to Rajiv, who started to sigh heavily. " Did you see Aaron?" "I did" I confirmed, "and..." "Nothing, I just... I. I don't feel ready for it, being in a relationship". Rajiv sipped his tea and closed his book " you're still scared of them, aren't you?" "Are you not?" I inquired; Rajiv sat silent for a while "I am" he spoke. So much was being said with so little, our eyes, the trembling of hands...

We were officially part of the generations whose relationships needed renaming, setting of new boundaries and other norms, we were confused as to how we had gotten there... Then again, abusive relationships, superficial ones, those out of convenience and those that wes strive to maintain strictly professionals.

We were 25 and 26 and still trying to figure everything out, without the drama, hype and confusion of it all.

The morning after Rajiv had left early, to drop off the kids and to go to work, leaving me a Post-It "If you're not going to give him a chance I will" a half awake Aaron was standing in the middle of my apartment. "Hey, here wash up and get changed" I called him handing him some towels a shaver.

In the meantime I fed Addy and got her ready. "Can I come in?" I asked knocking on the bathroom door "Yes" "Are you positive? Are you covered?" I rechecked " Yes, come on" I then entered. Aaron was shaving himself, water was still dripping from his hair wetting his torso. "I brought you some clothes" I stopped and looked at him attempting to shave.

"Here let me do it" I snatched the shaver away from his hand, and gently shaved him. " Wow, where did you learn that?" " By myself, it's what you gotta do when your brother doesn't know how to" I smiled nostalgic. " Now get out, we have only 19 mins" I kicked him out.

Aaron's pov

I remember it clearly, my brother Cody coming home with a black eye and a busted lip. I remember the smell of the blood as if it were mime, and his screams that could be heard from our school alley. "IT'S YOUR FAULT, YOU LET THEM DID THAT TO HIM, YOU ALLOWED THEM TO HURT HIM" once the alchemist was not in my system. Anymore, the voices in my head came back and even louder.

I was dragged by Rajiv inside Isa's flat, I had a shower and shaved, Isa brought me some clothes so I could change. I took a slice of bread before heading out with her and Adaline.

The car ride was silent an awkward type of silence.
" So... I have to ask you something..." I hesitated insecure, "Go on" Isa encouraged, "Can I maybe crush at your house for a little?... My brother is in town and I,... It's okay if you say no.." "Yeah sure, but I'm warming up, if this is some kind of sick strategy to get to me, I' m suggesting you to drop the act, there is also Rajiv, so you guys have to make it work " she spoke quite harshly.
"Thanks" I said.

When my shift finally ended I followed Isa to her car, and went home. There we were welcomed by a laughing Adaline, "Hi, cupcake" greeted Isa drying her hands after washing them, she picked her up "Ti sei divertita all'asilo?" (Did you have fun at day-care?) " Go wash up, before eating..." She told me, her eyes still glued to the baby.

On my way to the bathroom I bumped into Rajiv, "Hey, man are you staying? We are eating spaghetti and meatballs" asked Rajiv excited, "yeah" I said knowing that Isa was probably listening to us, but could you blame her?

It was probably around midnight when I woke up for the third time. I couldn't sleep: I was too scared to see that scene again.

My brother screams that kept replaying in my head were driving me nuts. I went to the kitchen to get some milk, hoping it would have helped.

Sitting there I found Isa with a block notes a pencil and a mini lamp, " I...came to get some milk..." I stuttered nervous, "What's wrong?" Isa hadn't looked at me in the eyes to know...

Isa's pov

" What's wrong?" I whispered softly, that was something I could not avoid caring, even when I was little in my elementary school I was bullied despite that I was the only one who listened, cared and console others when they felt sad; sadly no one did the same thing for me.

Aaron got silent, so I stood up and approached him, we were too feet away and I could hear his heart racing , just then I did something I hardly did to other people because I was just not comfortable with it: I hugged him.

At the impact of our bodies Aaron let himself go and busted to cry, it wasn't a loud cry but a silence as if he was still trying to get it together, as if he reminded himself not to be the victim.

I didn't ask him what it was about, because I knew that sometimes all it takes is for someone to lie next to you, in silence, to share those silent comfort words.
After a while though I took my leave and joined Rajiv sleeping in my room, with Adaline.

I was all in for true love the one, that was not fazed by "social class", appearance, language barrier, cultural barrier, mental health conditions, what I was not in for is manipulation, lying, submission. A the age of 19 I had realised, there were few things deeper than romantic relationship between two broken people, maybe it's the residue feeling of numbness broken by the sudden appearance of their loved one, maybe the fact that their lover are their life lines, maybe the hope they see, seeing someone broken as they surviving, but those people can love yes, (in a toxic, obsessive, dangerous way) but man, it makes me wonder, what's wrong with people.

People whose hands never craved to rip apart their own flesh, whose mind doesn't fantasize going psycho, whose eyes are merely ever wet, whose laugh are those deep kinda laugh the genuine type, not trying to hide anything, why can't they love as passionately, as hard as those broken people?

At the age of 19, I realised being broken and recovering, being broken and trying, being broken and healing, were and still are what makes a romantic relationship an everlasting one.

It was never just about clicking, chemistry, things you had in common, it was about fitting picking up, that old mug, whose pieces had been glued together, and realising its beauty and how well it went with the plate whose pieces had shattered, once you are aware of such notion you will be able to make piece with yourself, with the ones that broke you, the ones that failed you, the ones that just did not care, as in the end as shattered and glued back together there was nothing quite admirable, and stunning as you.