Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter fourty five: It's gonna hit you hard: WE'RE JUST KIDS

Isa's pov

Me and Aaron spent almost a week thinking about the work situation and we had come to the conclusion that I would be the one working and him to watch the kids. I couldn't express how relieved I was by that I had never been the type to enjoy staying home during school days/work days.

In about a week I got back to work, it wasn't the easiest thing to do, but it worked. When I say it worked I mean we made it work: Rajiv moved in with us so he could help and eat my plates, which he loved so much, Ezra didn't have to adapt to anything new since I had pretty much kept his feedings' schedule the same.

I would come back from a night shift right on time for his first night feeding, for when I was at work Aaron would feed him with a bottle which Ezra hated, then there was my sweet girl Adaline...

You know those times where we feel so sure about having everything under control, then something happens... And it hits you really hard, that's what happened to me.

I was scrolling through my emails, it was around 2 p.m., It was my day off so I didn't rush to do anything, or go anywhere, when I saw the email talking about the mother-children special lesson there was gonna be at Addy's school...

"Oh, sheep. Aaron! Oh, sheep. Damnit! Aaron wake up" I screamed standing, I went to wake up Aaron so he could watch Ezra. Aaron looked at me confused "I was just resting my eyes" he lied; "Yeah, I know. But now I need you to watch Ezra I forgot I had a special lecture at Addy's school today" I rushed getting dressed.

"You can't leave you're the main source of milk..." he protested picking a now crying Ezra, as soon as I picked him up he understood he was going to eat and calmed down, what an actor I thought.

As soon as I finished I rushed out, as walked in the alley of Addy's school my heart started to race as a voice in my head kept replaying how much of a failure I was. But that was nothing compared to what I saw once I went inside her class.

My baby was sitting alone while the other children were having fun, what was even more heart-breaking was the look in her face, the "I'm fine" look and distant; I had promised myself that my kids would've never had to act pretending not to feel hurt or sad. What had happened?

I instantly walked up to her, trying to remember myself not to cry, "MOMMY" she greeted me her eyes bright again, I hugged her little frame to my body fearing that I might lose her. "Why did you not ask the teacher to call me?" I scolded her already breaking out, Adaline then started to cry herself, which caused me to cry even harder.

Finally I recollected myself and exited the classroom with Adaline, once outside of the school, and distant from all those ears; I kneeled to her height and said "Look at me, baby" "Mommy made a mistake, I should have been there. I want you to promise me something: you will always tell me when something's wrong, you're sad, or something else."

I breathed drying my tears "Remember this too: I before I am anything else am your and your brother's mamma. Nothing, absolutely nothing comes first. Can I have a kiss now?".

And suddenly even if for those short 40-ish seconds I was an adult, speaking those same words I wished I had heard being said to me as child. And by the way she kissed my forehead and patted my back I think she knew, that I still had no idea of what the heck I was doing, but was trying anyway.

In that innocent act she had reminded me of Violet, which surprised me, Be still my heart, I thought.

I spent the rest of the day with Adaline, we dressed up, played, ate and even ran... Well she ran I just followed her at my own pace, if you know me, you know how much I hated running.
I looked at that tiny innocent and pure human being that had made me a mother and got emotional I don't even know why, maybe just for being an highly sensitive person.

I told her about all those times in my life I had thought about her, and prayed for her. We were having a typical bonding time, when Aaron appeared out of nowhere, with a crying Ezra. Let me correct myself, my son, truly dramatic just like me was bawling his eyes out as if he had lost his country. Aaron was half-covered in baby spits, and what looked like my breastmilk, "Can you take him?" he pleaded his soul leaving his body, I laughed picking Ezra up.

"Did you give your daddy a hard time?" Ezra simply smacked his lips open waiting to be fed.

We looked crazy: KIDS RAISING KIDS, but we were fearless to learn, get hurt, cry, play, and try new things, because of those times that we were robbed of our own childhood, innocence and had to grow up earlier, we were now not- so childish kids raising kids.

People scoffed at us, but I found it ideal, we had the energy to run with them, and after them, and the still fresh memories of our childhood, and yes our traumas also, but often they served as lessons.

By the time we had arrived home Aaron was sleeping soundly in the backseat so Adaline came in the front since the car was parked, "Cosa fai?" (What are you doing?) "I'm feeding Ezra" Adaline studied us, "You see, Ezra is still a baby so he doesn't have teeth, so he drinks mommy's milk" "is it good?" Adaline patted her brother head, in a questioning voice, "I think it is" I concluded.

Some may say everything was premature, and yet I could have argued that it wasn't, as far as it concerned financial stability, we had it, we weren't exactly free spirited and missed not those crazy experiences created during our 20's, we had a village, stable jobs and time to dedicate to our kids.