Here I Stand (BWWM) (AMBW) [COMPLETED]

Chapter fifty eight: Amateurs guide to sex

Isa's pov

Isa's pov

It was a cloudy Wednesday afternoon, I had half of the day off to go to my gynaecologist appointment, it was just a regular one. It had been one year and 14 months since I gave birth to whole human being, and day after day my body crawled back to its comfortable yet healthy initial stance.

People after the miracle of birth would worry about their body shaping back to their initial way it was, heck I did too, but on the other hand I was more focused on how to be comfortable in my own skin again. What it meant for me? To feel okay with my slightly saggy breast, stretch marks, and last 10 kg from my pregnancy.

"So how is sex life?" my ob-gyn inquired as I filling out a paper with questions about my health I chocked as air filled my lungs, my lips mimicked a 'well' but my voice failed to come out, "I don't really..." "..have been sexually active since the birth? Gotcha, don't worry. Find your way back to pleasure yourself, whether is with your partner or alone you should be able to have a healthy sex life" she intercepted my response.

"Let me suggest vibrators, they are a amateurs starter, small but very much enjoyable she smiled warmly, "so... should I prescribe you some birth control pills?" she concluded taking off her gloves, "No, thanks" "Well, then I guess that is all, if your urine result and hormone tests come back normal I won't have you back so I guess that is all, bye" "bye".

At the age of 25 as a fourth year attendee I still was not acquainted nor comfortable talking about sex. I knew a lot about the human body but when it came to pleasuring it, I was barely a student.

So the story goes like this: a little girl was born in a quite traditional and Catholic city in Italy, as she grew up, she was groomed not to have any kind of knowledge regarding any type of sexual relationship, despite that a schoolmate of hers quite explicitly I might add, explained what she far later was able to correctly call sexual intercourse, at the age of 13 or even later the schools she attended, stubbornly refused to accept sexual health as vital knowledge that a pre-teen or teen should have, this led a big role in the young girl's life who then grew up to be a woman who simply felt uncomfortable talking about any kind of sexual related activity and even if definitely conscious about how to have a healthy sexual life was not comfortable or confident in engaging.

But as irony would want found herself having sex for the first time and getting pregnant and one year and months later found herself once again struggling on the topic.

Afterwards I quickly hooped in my car and reached the hospital for my shift, what had had began as a cloudy afternoon quickly became a rainy one as the raindrops seeped into the soil, transitioning it into mud, that dogs went crazy for; forming puddles, for young souls like mine to step in, splashing about. I disliked rain, and yet I fell for each of its traits: the warm, yet refreshing breeze that came just after a storm, umbrellas and their always imminent and dramatic destruction, caused by the wind, which stubbornly insisted, it isn't something we should try to shelter ourselves from, but withstand, and that undeniably sense of melancholy it gave me watching a storm inside the comfort of my house.

As I tied my scrub one of the nurses screamed "Income" the word vibrating through the E.D rang the bell that began the games, "male, 18, hit by a thunder, condition stable and unconscious, went twice in respiratory arrest, CPR has been performed, oxygen saturation less than 90% before intubation, no chronical illnesses history." I instantly grabbed the valve bag mask and started to pump it.

Minutes after another ambulance rushed a young woman, with the same condition and case, "It must be destiny..." Rajiv commented, the teen was conscious and alert looking for her boyfriend, her parameters were also normal. She kept looking for her boyfriend so after some blood test a CT scan and a x-ray, we let her see him.

I scrubbed in three surgeries one of which was a small non invasive procedure, my muscles moaned silently under my white coat, as I failed to comfort them, "May I?" Rajiv voice almost made me jump, as I was alone in the changing room. "Wait, not here" I stopped him leading to the night shift room, I took off my t-shirt and put on my hoodie, I sat on the bed and Rajiv behind me with his legs crossed.

His hands started to work wonders on my tense muscles, and I couldn't hold my moans as the knots in my muscles melted under his touch, right then his lips touched my skin, jealous of the attention I turned around directing his lips on mine, he laughed against my lips as he tried to kiss me once again, I hugged him, as he held my face I winced as he had cold hands, we later laid on the bed I took his hands in mine in order to warm them. "Do you know what Adaline said today while I read her a story? She said Ezra looked like goldilocks", Rajiv laughed softly, "I mean, he kinda does" he commented, his face then turned worried again, "Is there something on your mind?" "Tomorrow is the day you have to take Ezra, to see Aaron".

The eminency of their second meeting bothered me as well, Ezra was a social kid but being still only two he was more comfortable with the people he saw most often, and was still pretty attached to me, the previous time he had thrown a tantrum as I was about to leave, and Aaron was clueless and mortified as I was. "Don't call him, Aaron, he is Ezra's father despite how much of a hard time you have accepting it, you should address him properly so that Ezra knows who he is" Rajiv sighed looking at the ceiling "Why is it so hard being adult?" "I don't know, do you want to be childish once again?" "Sure" he said without giving it much thought, as soon as I received his response I started to tickle his body, what had started as a tickling war soon became a kissing contest as we gripped each other clothes as our lives depended on them, even so we craved for more, while kissing him, I was able to recognize a weird sensation at the bottom of my stomach I would reckon, it was hot and ticklish and made me feel lacking for something I did not know.

Three hours and a shower later, during which I had a long and perturbed pep talk to overcome judgements and dogmas I was taught when younger, my journey had began with an erotic book and a long blanket.

10 minutes later I had to stop the reading was getting quite hard on the mind of a woman my age, who grew up in a very religious family. To put the sad part out there, among my 3 siblings I was the more open minded and free spirited, my brother had even said that he would only have sex when he wanted kids...

Alsothe idea of confessing to everyone that I had 0 knowledge on the matter, mademe feel conscious, in a era, in which the topics of sexual liberation, experiences,techniques to pleasure and bring pleasure to others are being discussed inpodcasts, social media, books, even dining tables I felt extremely behind.