(F)Art, Updates, And Everything(not really) In Between! 2!

Important(Ish)

I should be writing my stories XD

Unfortunately, my feelings of insecurity are getting in the way, so I need to write out my thoughts for a bit.

I have two questions for you.  I'll explain my thoughts, and then I want you to give me an honest answer.

Umm, firstly...

According to my brother, I have "high functioning depression."

(Okay, uh, newsflash, apparently he was joking ._.

Why would you joke about depression, sheesh-)

Now, that was a while ago, but it's only now that I feel the need to bring it up because...I don't know.

But he said this because we were talking about a story, and he was confused about the storyline and the concepts of said story.

By the way, said story is Illusion Shift, I got him to read it lol

He was still confused even after I explained to him why Pudding Cup _____(spoilers)

And then he said that I relate to her in-story way too much, because I understood why she was so depressed(even though I did a horrible job of explaining XD)

He also said that I have a high interest in "edgy" characters(Ex. Pudding Cup, Nickel, Suitcase, etc.), and that means I had "high functioning depression" and that I was suicidal.

Since this was a while ago, I don't exactly remember what kind of point he was trying to make, so I could be totally wrong about this. 

But still, I'm not interested in ONLY edgy characters, I do favor objects like Oreo, Police Hat, Lightbulb, Paintbrush, Leafy, Firey, Kite, Flyswat, Golf Ball, Tennis Ball, and a lot of other objects who don't have "edgy" traits.

It's true that I tend to like characters who have a bit of an edge, I find their personalities deeper than ones who are happy all the time, but that doesn't mean I am all edge too.  Remember, I look for reason and personality in characters, as well as relatability. 

...I'm still doing a terrible job at explaining my favoring nature, am I? XD

But you kind of get it, right?

But back to the point of determining whether or not I have depression, let's start bringing in some personal feelings(ahaha, I'm always so personal)

I mean, just because I have feelings of self-doubt, worrying that I'm never gonna be good enough doesn't mean I have depression, right?  That's just my self doubt.

It's true, I do think I am worthless sometimes, but there's no one that actively hates on me.

Most of the time, it's praise and constructive criticism.  Only two(or three) people I know say hurtful things to me, and it isn't even that often!  So I honestly have no reason to feel bad about myself.

And therefore, I really don't have a reason to be depressed.

I don't...think...I'm depressed...  I have bad feelings time to time, but does that mean I'm depressed?

I don't know.

Um, a bit of a topic jump, but I did say I had another question for you guys.

Which of course, brings up another topic.

I know that my stories aren't the BEST.

They have grammatical and spelling errors, plotholes, random update schedules, bad writing in general, and more.

And even though I have improved a bunch since I started, it's still not as good as you guys's stories with deep concepts and complex storylines with multiple subplots.  Real feelings the reader can relate to, beautiful relationships(whether they be platonic or romantic), and this PERFECT writing style that takes my breath away.

And my drawings aren't even all that good compared to other people as well.

I've seen people traditionally draw a human so PERFECTLY, and here I am, incapable of drawing a HAND.

And I've had at least five years of experience drawing, so there is no reason I shouldn't be able to draw just as well.

Frick, I can't even draw anything digital for the life of me.  The only thing that I've done on a computer with drawing is make one piece of pixel art. 

Talk about lame.

And...

I'm just...well...unlikable.

I'm batcrap crazy, I'm just too dang nice all the time, I start freaking out over things that I KNOW no one cares about, I'm a freaking know-it-all, I'm too reserved, unattractive, I break promises sometimes, I can make other people feel bad about themselves, I'm not athletic, I rebel too much, I can't help other people even if I TRIED, and I don't even have a definitive religion, sexual orientation, and heck, I'm not even sure if I'm a GIRL at this point!

I don't understand why I have amazing people like you guys stick to me, when I'm just so...weird. 

And again, I have no reason to feel all this, I should be grateful, and I am, but I just have to wonder why people even like me.

I'm just unlikable.  Simple as that.

Ahaha, sorry you had to listen to me rant for so long, I guess that's another reason why I'm so unlikable, but...

Some of the thoughts didn't even make it to this page.  So there's a whole 'nother level of messed up in my head, lol

And I also apologize if I said anything that offended you, I really am.  I can be real inconsiderate sometimes, hahaha.

So...here are the two questions..

Do you think I'm depressed?

And

What makes me likable?  Do you even like me, I have no clue.

Yeah..

Again, I'm sorry...I tried to keep it inside this time, but it had to spill eventually..

With that out of the way, I have some more stuff to address.

First of all, 9 more days until Christmas!  Woo hoo!

Christmas is gonna be a big day, there's the fanart event, the release of the next chapters or the Ask or Dare and Chemical Bond, and my birthday!

Eh, that last one wasn't important, oh well.

And I think I'll finally get my own personal email account when I turn 13, so that's good-

I'll also publish a new book soon, it'll answer questions you have about my books and me.(how original)

And fingers crossed that the new episode of Inanimate Insanity comes soon XD

Okay, that'll do it for now, I love you guys, bye! 💖💖💖