At the Strand of Nightmares

Shrek/Jim Henson M-Preg

So, I figured I'd try to contribute the most horrible thing possible to the Internet tonight.

And I came up with this.
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Jim Henson's POV

It was noon, I want to say, and I was stroking my darling's perfect little baby bump. "He's gonna be here any day, isn't he?" I cooed.

Shrek petted my beard, "Yes, dear," and then he stroked his baby bump, "Do you think he's going to look more like me or you?"

Shrek pecked my nose, "I'm certain he'll be handsome-just like his daddy."

I smirked, "That's right, he'll look just like you. 

He chuckled ever so slightly, the gargantuan bump rattling a little. "Oh, anyhow, I can't wait to get him out!" and then he rubbed the bump tenderly yet again, "I'm so tired of having snail cravings."

I sighed, thinking back to harder times so long ago... "I'm tired of your snail cravings, too, being perfectly honest. Remember when I broke into that French restaurant for you-,"

"OH, SHUT UP YOU BLOODY BLOKE," Shrek bellowed in a motherly fashion. "TAKE CARE OF YOUR PREGNANT BOYFRIEND!!"

I held my hands up in relent, "Oh-okay.... I will-," but then I looked over at him, seeing his face turn a much sicker shade of green. "Darling, are you okay?"

"No!" and he clutched his bump, "I'm not- I think I'm going into labor!" He was inhaling rather deeply, and I saw that a faint trickle of water was coming down his leg.

He had just broken his water.

Shit.

It's go time, Kahoona!

"Baby, I've got you," and I gently took Shrek's hands and led him out to our Volkswagen Beetle and sat him down in the passenger seat while I went back into the house to grab the day bag stuff.

I drove quick as a flash to the hospital, and he was quickly admitted into the delivery room. It hurt to hear Shrek's cries, but I knew it was hurting her far worse then me.

The doctor, whom I noticed had rather lovely dark, curly hair, came into the room. "Hello there," he said, "I'm Dr. Joel, and I'll be handling this. So, how far apart are the contractions, Mr. Henson?"

"Well," I began, trying to remember how far apart they had come, "They are one minute apart."

"Oh, wow," Dr. Joel nodded, "Let me have a look up there, okay?" and he lifted up Shrek's big, meaty legs, "He's at ten centimeters dilation, Nurse Fripp," Dr. Joel nodded to his furry little nurse, "He's almost about to crown..."

"Alrighty," and Fripp set down a bottle of Mountain Dew, "I'll get my forceps."

"WE DON'T NEED THE FUCKING FORCEPS!!" Dr. Joel shouted, "Quit drinking Mountain Dew and get your ass over here!"

Fripp guzzled down the last of his Mountain Dew, and then pushed me aside, clapping his hands, "C'mon daddy! Let's go push out a baby."

"Nurse, you know what to do," and Dr. Joel nodded his head, getting into position to deliver the baby, "Okay, Shrek, you're crowning now. Push when I say go," and he nodded his head to Fripp.

I turned behind me, and sure enough Fripp had exchanged his nurse's uniform for a sexy cheerleader costume. He cheered on, "Push 'em out! Push 'em out! Way out!" over and over again.

Dr. Joel nodded his head, "You heard him, Shrek."

Shrek cried out in pain as he started to push.

"Another one, a big one!"

And he pushed again.

"Come on, man! You've got this!"

Several more pushes... and then.... a cry!

We all looked over, but then Fripp shouted, "Oh, my God! What is that horrible looking thing?!"

"That's my spawn," Shrek said proudly, lifting the babe up to his breast. I looked closer at the child... why does he look like a red, furry ogre?

I tapped my fingers, "Are you certain that's my baby?"

"No," and Shrek started crying, "I know it's not... it's... ELMO'S!!"

"That little boyfriend stealing skank!" I yelled, "I can't believe I nearly got arrested at a French restaurant for THIS!!"

"I'm sorry, too," Shrek sighed.

"Go to Elmo," I muttered, "He's the father, anyhow."

"Okay," Shrek sighed, "I you find someone nice... like him."

"Yep," I said whilst flipping him and literally the whole world off under the bed sheets, hoping no one would notice. Fortunately, no one did.

I stormed out of the delivery room, and I saw a cute tall girl with long, dark hair, pale skin, black lipstick, and dark eyes. I went up to her, "Hey precious, how's about coming by my pad later for some action?"

A slightly built looking guy with super curly blond hair came over and put his arm around her, "Hey! Fuck off from my girlfriend!" and then he stormed off with her.

Well, how about that.

Forever alone.

Well, at least I still have Gonzo.
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This... this was beautiful and horrifying.