Greetings, reader's of Annie's book. It's me, Richard Wakeman, and I have returned to further expound on the truths of... I don't know....things. So, yes, everyone, we are back with:
WAKEMAN UNCHAINED
So, our first inquiry is regarding my sex life... or rather, I mentioned in the last podcast...er... post, that I'd be talking about my sex life, and then, sadly, I was shot down. However, you guys all seemed extremely interested to hear about it, so I'm going to go ahead and-
Chris: NO, NO!! No one actually wanted to hear about your sex life.
No, Christopher. I'm certain they did want to hear about it.
Chris: *shakes head* Wow. I don't know how to stop this, innocent readers.... I'm sor-
SO ANYWAYS. One time I was having sex with this lovely woman, I figured that butter-
Chris: DON'T YOU DARE TELL THEM THE BUTTER STORY.
I figured that butter would make a fabulous lubricant... Unfortunately the girl I was with was a bit of a sex freak...
Chris: Pfft, she was the freak....
AHEM! So, when we were all done with it, she decided to...
Chris: DON'T YOU DARE TELL THEM WHAT SHE DID.
Oh, I won't, I'll just let them imagine what she did. *winks*
Chris: Hmm, I think... I think I may faint...
You do that, Chrissie.
Chris: My name isn't Chrissie! It's CHRISTOPHER!!
Anyways, I had a couple of other questions submitted to me to answer.
Chris: You realize you've already embarrassed yourself far worse then you could ever embarrass the rest of us, Rick? I mean, you start off this post talking about... I don't even want to repeat it.
Scoot out of here, Chris! You are embarrassing yourself by just hanging over my shoulder! Shoo! Shoo!
Chris: *flips me off* Whatever... *walks out*
So, the first question, regarding groupies, was submitted by Rae (pettymcdowell . )
Let me tell you the truth, Rae. The boys and I are what you know as, 'prog rockers,' which in the eyes of many means we are ugly, sexless bastards no one wants to touch with a ten foot pole.
Unless, of course, you are a fanboy with an uncomfortable amount of 'Yes, Genesis, or Camel posters in your bedroom.
The fact is, girls simply don't like us-
Annie: Pfft, speak for yourself, Rick. I think you're just fishing for attention now.
No, I'm not. Where I was getting at was no one else gets action but me, you see? But see, where's the need for groupies when only one of us sees action?
Robert Fripp: Speak for yourself. I'm the essence of sex and fertility.
Ah! And that brings me onto Keira (JxhnDeacxn 's) question:
MOST EMBARRASSING THINGS YOUR FRIENDS HAVE DONE.
So, starting off with Robert Fripp, he goes around saying shit like that. Also he's low key crazy when cameras come out of their cases...
Fripp: Hey! I just don't want people unnecessarily taking photos of the band at shows!
Um... moving on. I think one of my personal favorite embarrassing stories involves Jon Anderson.
It was his birthday, and Keith Emerson asked him to go to the bar with him for some shots, and naturally, Jon accepted. However, after three shots of cognac, he was walking around the bar randomly complimenting women on their boobs. The weirdest part is, they weren't even sexual compliments, they were just genuine compliments on breasts... how strange.
Another one comes from Greg Lake and a pork pie hat.
Greg Lake: *is holding a fishing line above my head* I SWEAR IF YOU TELL THEM ABOUT THE PORK PIE HAT!!
That's what I'm here for. Anyways, Greg Lake bought this expensive pork pie hat from some fancy ass store, not realizing it was absolutely ATROCIOUS. He was going around all day wearing his pork pie hat, and Carl Palmer went over and told me a cute lady said he looked so distinguished in his hat. Greg asked to be hooked up with his admirer, and Carl did so.
By the end of the evening, he met up with her.
However, what Carl forgot to mention was the fact that the 'cute' lady was, in fact, a 'cute little old' lady. Greg was immediately flustered, as somehow in his hair brained thoughts he figured some young beauty queen liked his hat.
Well, both parties made their apologies, and naturally Greg went home and burned the hat.
Obviously the most embarrassing part of the story is still the appearance of that fucking hat, though! Here, let me show you a pic...
Greg: No! Don't show them...
Haha, no, this is what must be.
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Greg: it isn't that ugly...
It's a fucking tweed hat, dude! No, it is ugly.
Greg: Well, look at who's the new expert in fashion...
Whatever!
Anyways, that's all for...
WAKEMAN UNCHAINED
Please remember to request more topics for the upcoming post. I'll probably just keep pulling out embarrassing stories, but hey, it's nice to have some variety.
