At the Strand of Nightmares

Я Не Автомат

(The title is in Russian.)

Current listening pleasure: Three of a Perfect Pair

I miss being legitimately funny on here. Welp...

I remember what got me back into writing last year.... it was for the classic rock awards, and I wanted to write a glam rock story for the awards, and none was in existence...

So, I took it upon myself to create one in two weeks.

And I was successful.

I mean, in retrospect that story was shit, but at least I did it😂

Currently I'm in that sort of numb state where I'm fighting to be able to even properly finish my homework, let alone do anything else.

So, in music theory, we had a couple of melodies we were supposed to work on, and I was a lazy bitch who didn't do them, so, the professor was all like:

i Am VeRy DiSaPpOiNtEd iN tHiS cLaSs

Another girl didn't do them either, so at least I wasn't alone.

But yeah, now I feel like the professor was disappointed, which of course is just EXACTLY what I needed. I deserve it, though. I'm just such an idiot with these things.

So, I can't handle the slightest bits of stress without feeling the need to take something of on myself.

I can't even cry anymore, it's really quite odd... the most recent time I cried was last week when I cut my foot open and was basically having a panic attack.

In other words, unless some emergency is going on, I can't even cry.... I just feel heavy... like my body all of a sudden turns to lead. My heart, my thoughts, my everything.... all weighed down.

I'm happy I didn't disappoint my organ teacher, that's something.

I just feel like I'm failing in every possible manifestation of the word.

My New Year's resolution: Be less negative.

Is it too late to actually do this? Probably... idk.

Whatever...

One thing I'm not failing at learning another language unnecessarily... I'll probably give up within less then a week, but at least I did, in fact, start:

Obviously this is a very important phrase in Russian. Clearly I'm going to run into a woman named Anna that I'll have to whether her as to whether or not a building is, in fact, a house.