At the Strand of Nightmares

Rick Wakeman Unchained

(Inspired by a conversation with KAOS_mhz )
Hello, Rick Wakeman here. As you might have noticed, Ann has been 'so kind' (observe air finger quotes), as to let me speak again in this book. I'll be honest, I have several topics I wish to discuss with you all without her WATCHING OVER ME.

This is me speaking to you all directly and honestly....

This is...

WAKEMAN UNCHAINED

For starters, how am I doing this?

Well, it's simple. I told you all about the 'friends with benefits' business a post or two ago. Needless to say, Annie is, um, distracted.

Ann: Shut up, Wakeman! No, I'm not!

Just go back to doing something else.... literally anything else.

Jon Anderson: I'm going to make flower crowns, Annie! Want to help me pick some flowers?

Ann: YES. YES. YES, PLEASE.

*the two walk outside to a nearby field*

Okay, fortunately that's dealt with.

So now, it's time for me to begin my series on blunt honesty.

For starters, who wants to know about my sex life?

Chris Squire: *walks past me* No one does, Rick. Please spare those poor souls on Wattpad those horrifying details, I'm still scarred...

Oh, fuck off and go take one of your dumbass showers! Hey, fuck off or I'll tell them what you really do in the shower!

Chris: Fine, fine! *scampers off*

Anyways.... before another interruption, lets pick a topic!

Oh, yes: Ann's insistence on 'non-commitment.' Its crazy.... she won't pick a favorite band, won't pick favorite musicians, won't pick favorite albums, not even a favorite genre!

Or a favorite rocker crush...

As a result, I think she might be messing around with at least five different people all at once. I mean.... literally all at once.

Lol, what a hoe!

Robert Fripp: No one can out-hoe me, though. I am the very essence of sexuality and fertility.

I COULD GO MY ENTIRE LIFE WITHOUT EVER HEARING THAT SENTENCE AGAIN, THANK YOU VERY MUCH

Robert Fripp: I am the very essence of sexuality and fertility!!

Help me....

Robert Fripp: The point is, don't judge the poor thing, Rick. That breakup with Keith done did messed her up...

Did you just say 'done did?'

Robert Fripp; I done did did it.

LEAVE RIGHT NOW.

Anyways, what was it saying? Oh, right. So, she's a hoe, but so is everyone else around here. I mean, except for Jon Anderson... I don't think the man even understands the concept of human sexuality.

It's like... he's this little asexual woodland spirit.... it's fascinating....

Anyways.... besides sex, there's always what seems like weird substances floating around, too. I mean, I'm pretty sure very few of us are actual drug addicts, but I swear, I'm surrounded by strange people that seem like drug addicts.

Yes, I am thinking of Fripp in this instance.

I like the vibe, though. It's fun to be surrounded by people that seem like they're high without any of the associated risks.

I'm telling you, though, spend ten minutes with Emerson, and you WILL consume Cognac. It just happens.

Jon Anderson is still recovering from the experience.

I swear, I need to put him on a leash....

Off in the distance: oh, daddy, I want to be on a leash!!

Hey, look who's here! It's Brian Eno! How wonderful that he's back in our fold.

John Evan: *cringes as he walks into the room* There's just.... too many keyboardists in this house now, Rick...

It's not my fault Ann likes us best, or should I say you.

John: Shut up and shut mocking me with this...

Hey, you had the choice of whether or not you wanted in on this strange musical orgy that apparently Annie wanted us all to be a part of...

Robert Fripp: I love orgies... or rather watching them.

*shutters in fear* Thank you very much for that information, Robert.

John: Anyways, I wish she could, you know, stop being afraid of commitment.

Maybe it's because you've been accustomed to working with a singer who wore the same jacket every day for three years or something... if that isn't commitment I don't know what is.

John: You're not wrong, though.

Anyways, fuck off, Evan, and go be emotional somewhere else. I'm trying to spill the beans on everyone's personal lives!

For one thing....

Shit, the girl is returning.

*Florence Welch dances by covered in scarves*

I've been here too long. This feels normal to me.

Well, I suppose I can't unleash everything all at once, but hey, maybe leave me a topic and I'll discuss it the next time I get a hold of her Wattpad with her gone away from it.

Until next time, this was:

WAKEMAN UNCHAINED