At the Strand of Nightmares

So...

So, I need to get something off my chest.

Tonight, I went a solid two hours convinced my friend had committed suicide.

All I had to go off of was a vague text that seemed to confirm my darkest worries.

I couldn't think straight, I felt confused, betrayed, angry, sad, hurt....

I had a job to do tonight, and I know I couldn't perform nearly as well as I should have because of this. Fortunately, it was just volunteering to play piano for Stations of the Cross, but still, I like to always give my best.

Obviously this got in the way. I felt broken.... guilty.

So, you know what happened next?

I called this friend directly. None of this going behind each other's backs to try to cover for the fact we are too scared.

As it turned out, ten days ago my friend did, in fact, attempt suicide. She wasn't successful (obviously), but she was in a mental hospital for the past ten days, and she couldn't talk to me at all during this period of time.

I still feel all of those feelings, though, those mixed feelings of being angry, hurt, confused, sad, and whatever else.

What the heck?

Someone that considers me their best friend... the one person that they felt safe around.... I didn't even know about any of this until tonight.

I feel like I failed her.

Why does this have to happen? Why are people driven to this?

I'm so confused. I'm heartbroken.

She was the one person that ever had feelings for me, too....

Anyways, I want to remind all of you how much I love each and every one of you. All of you, individually, have touched my lives and made me a better, happier person. I always want to be there for all of you, seriously, and I always will be.

I can't imagine the prospect of actually losing any of my friends.... it'd be imposssible for me to imagine.

Anyways, please, take care of yourselves.

I love you, and I want to make damn sure you know that.

Annie❤️